


Its Just The Way It Is

by Fangirlcraze



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, American!phil, Angst, BUT LIKE THE TINIEST BIT, Fluff, Highschool AU, Humor, M/M, Moving, Rich!Dan, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-08-19 01:30:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 60,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8183833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlcraze/pseuds/Fangirlcraze
Summary: Dan is a rich British teen with no sense of how to live and provide for himself. His mother's job forces them both to move to America. Among all the changes, his new public school is much different than the all-boys private school he attended back in England. The families are poor, the kids aren't as rude, and America is filled with amazingly weird culture that Dan is cautious to explore.Phil is an American teen with a weekend job and an average SAT score. For community service hours, he has to guide a snobby rich British teen on how to adjust to a new school and eventually, a new perspective on life.Essentially, a story about two dorks finding one another in between mocking friends and ridiculously baffling circumstance.





	1. new country, new home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all joked about it, but now that it's actually happening, Dan couldn't feel more depressed about it. He's practically leaving his entire life behind to come to this new country, and basically re-learn how to live. He fought with his mother multiple times on the situation, but she proceeded to tell him the same thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's soooo many typos in this fic. I promise I will go back and correct them soon!
> 
> Disclaimer: this is entirely fiction. This is not how Dan, Phil, or any of these characters act in real life.

 Dan Howell huffed as he picked at the window button on his side of the car. It was black and plastic, the colored imprint of a window fading away from over-use. Everytime he pressed it, the window clicked down an inch further. Then pulling on the button, the window proceeded up.

  "Daniel, quit messing with the window. It's disrespectful." His mother mumbled at him, not taking an eye off of her phone. She was typing away spiratically on her blackberry. Who even still owns a blackberry? What is this? 2013?

  Dan had his own phone, an iphone, which didn't click and clack as if he brought a typewriter with him everywhere. He's tried to convince her many times to get a smartphone, but she insists she doesn't need one. Lies are what she's telling herself. Blatant lies.

  Out of spite, Dan pressed and held his finger down on the window button again, forcing the window to roll all the way down, producing a noise aggravating enough that his mother looked up from her phone.

 "Daniel James Howell, enough is enough." She exclaimed. "Pietro, lock his window."

 The driver-Pietro- silently pressed a button on his door that rolled up Dan's window and simultaneously locked it with a firm click. Dan huffed and slouched in his seat, crossing his arms. He'd take out his phone and text his friends, but they're probably already asleep or something. He has no idea what time it is back in England. Isn't it like a 4 or 5 hour time difference? They were probably all in bed by now, or sneaking out to a party. He smiled at the thought of Ben clamoring out of his window, down a tree, and then taking his parents' extra car they leave the key to in a basket by the front door. He'd slowly pull out of the driveway, and down the road, until he got atleast two blocks away, and then he'd turn his headlights back on and drive to the annual new school year party at Frank's.

  Frank's parents always leave for the weekend before school starts, so they can visit his aunts and uncles in iceland. In which he hosts a party that friday, and spends that Saturday evening cleaning it all up before his parents arrive home the following morning. How he's done it for 4 years is astounding to Dan, considering that means he's done it since he was 13. Although, his parties didn't include alcohol until just this year. Him and Ben and all of Dan's mates made sure to rub the party in Dan's face before he left. He knows they'll miss him. He's not an idiot. But bragging and teasing is how they show their affection.

  He just wishes he could be there for his last school year kickoff party ever before he becomes a full fledged American. They teased him about that, too.

  "You won't even like tea anymore mate!" Ben had exaggerated, as they all sat around the lunch table in the quad.

  "I've never really fully liked tea to begin with."

  "Awe look at 'im, he's already a normie."

 

  "Are you gonna come back and visit," Zack whispered to him during a lesson "or are you just gon' forget about us?"

  "Hmm..." Dan tapped his finger to his nose in mock thought. "Who are you again?"

 

  They all joked about it, but now that it's actually happening, Dan couldn't feel more depressed about it. He's practically leaving his entire life behind to come to this new country, and basically re-learn how to live. He fought with his mother multiple times on the situation, but she proceeded to tell him the same thing.

  "New country, new home. New home, new us." She said suddenly, as if reading Dan's mind. He glanced over at her. She had put down her phone, meaning she was giving him her undivided attention. This was the perfect opportunity.

  "It's not too late to go back." Dan said, sitting up. His mother sighed. "Mum, you don't need this job."

  "Daniel-"

  "Your previous job was just as satisfiable, maybe even better off. Think of what you're doing to me! I'm being forced to leave behind my friends, my life, my personality-"

  "Oh, now you're just being melodramatic."

  "-and all for what!? So you can get a new job?" He felt the threat of tears pressing against his eyes. Good. If the waterworks comes loose, maybe she'll agree. "How could you be so selfish?"

  "This is not just for me!" His mother snapped, just as Pietro slammed on the brakes, honking at another car who attempted to cut him off on the road. After confirming everything was okay, she took a deep breath and flattened down her hair. Her hair always seemed to frizz out, like a cat, when she gets overly angry. "I'm doing this for you."

  "How does this possibly benefit me?" Dan asked, trying to keep the tears in his eyes. He doesn't get emotional enough to cry, but he sure as hell can try.

  "Daniel, you are not the boy I raised you to be." His mother said, tears forming in her eyes. Dan blinked, sitting back with onlooking eyes. "You have changed greatly within the past few years. You're rude, you've lot all faith and hope in yourself and others, you're cynical, you're just... not you. I thought it was just your teenage years and hormones, but I think something inside you is slowly breaking." She humbly kept her chin high and blinked away her tears; Something taught through generations of the Howell family. "It is my duty to help you become the best you can be. And even if that means leaving our home and our family and friends so you can find yourself, I will comply." She reached down into her bag and pulled out a tissue. Leaning over, she then used the tissue to wipe the tear Dan just noticed had escaped his control and down his cheek.

  They shared a moment there, in the backseat of her new mercedes. Her thumb stroked his cheek ever so gently, a gesture she used to use when he was a young child. He offered her the softest of smiles, reserved only for her, to which she reciprocated the same.

  Another second later, the moment was gone. She handed the tissue to Pietro to dispose of, and promptly smoothed out her skirt and blazer. "Clean yourself up, Daniel. We must make good first impressions on leering neighbors."

  Dan turned his focus out the window, wiping his eyes and straightening his jumper and collared shirt underneath. "Yes, mother."

"Remember Daniel," she has already resumed to typing emails on her blackberry. "New country, new home."

"New home, new us." Dan finished the phrase she has so often used within the past three months. Watching out the window, his chin was high, and his desperation astray.


	2. i think you'll fit in just fine here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil Lester almost regretted agreeing to this. He was perfectly fine with helping the new kid around, even ecstatic, but now.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: this is entirely fiction. This is not how Dan, Phil, or any of these characters act in real life.

  By the following Monday, Dan and his mum had the interior of their house already set up. Meaning the movers had finished setting everything up. Dan mostly just screwed off on his phone for two days straight, while his mother was out on her job. Not even a day in the new house and she's already never home. Dan usually didn't mind, as he had had friends who he could hang out with, but in this new place, he didn't even want to step a foot outside. So instead, he did nothing all day except play Crossy road and watch the movers walk from room to room, setting up everything from the arrangement of the furniture, to connecting the router up.

  Essentially all of their belongings were family heirlooms and keepsakes, so they were left back in England with his gram. They still kept things like the sofas, chairs, and the dining room table that they never even sat at. Dan made sure that the movers started with his bedroom first, so he could plop down on his bed as soon as possible. He was almost certain he heard them mumbling and cursing about "spoiled British brats" but by then, Dan had found his headphones and blasted Fall Out Boy to drown out the criticisms. He knew they were right, but technically they were getting paid way more than needed. They were practically getting paid to insult him. Besides, Dan knew he couldn't lift any of those boxes, or furniture items they so easily hoisted above their heads. Dan could barely push his desk into the corner.

  Once he heard the router had been set up, it took him no extended amount of time to start his computer back up. He logged into his twitter account to see about 3 dozen DMs from his mates back in England, and other classmates who hadn't seen him at the kickoff party. Many of the messages were worded as if they assumed he had officially left, but a few of them were blatant questions asking where he was. He pulled up a new tweet, and thought a lot before typing.

_Can't tell if I'm pleased or disappointed to see the sun instead of rain clouds._

After a few moments of thought, Dan shook his head and saved the tweet to his drafts instead of posting. He spent about another hour on twitter before straight up just browsing his Tumblr dashboard for 4 hours. He spent the rest of the weekend in his room, occasionally glancing out the window and then closing the blinds to shield the sun from getting in. A dark cave was where he wanted to be. Just have a computer and an Internet connection and he could stay in the same place forever. He'd never leave. No new school, no new people to impress, no responsibilities, just gifs of cats and videos of lizards getting their bellies rubbed.

  Monday was officially Dan's first day. He moaned and groaned about it that morning, but the thing was, if he got out of bed and faced his responsibilities, he could sooner come back home to his warm and comfortable bed. After spending about an hour trying to decide what to wear, he settled on a dark gray jumper over a white collared shirt. He sported fancy black pants and the same converse shoes he's had since he was 13. Out of old school routine habits, he combed his hair into a neater part. At his old school he was allowed the fringe, but all the boys were told to keep their hair neatly combed. He took a look in the mirror and sighed. He desperately needed to re-brand himself. After all those years being forced to wear a uniform every day, he had no chance to develop his own sense of style. His mother told him that she'd drop him off at the local mall the following weekend so he could purchase new clothes, but could he even last that long? Hopefully this new school is just normally a preppy styled one.

  His mother drove him to the school, and followed him in because apparently being the new kid meant he'd spend about an hour in the principal's office with his mother, the guidance counselor, the principal, and his supposed "student guide".

* * *

 

  Phil Lester almost regretted agreeing to this. He was perfectly fine with helping the new kid around, even ecstatic, but now.....

  His friends had known about it for weeks. Practically 2 hours after he was told about the opportunity. He hadn't even given more than a day's thought to it. He agreed as soon as possible, so Collins would be pleased. The secretary, Mrs. Albury, had interrupted his 4th period U.S. Government class to announce that Phil was needed in the principal's office. Of course, this caused everyone to "oooooo" at Phil as he packed up his books and such, and just as he was about to leave the room, Pj spoke up amongst them.

  "Oh please, like Phil could possibly do anything too bad. He's probably going to receive an award for being the coolest dude, compared to you asshats." Phil turned back as everyone went silent, and Pj winked at him.

  When he got to Principal Collin's office, he really did suspect he was in trouble for something. Or that a member of his family died in a crazy fire. Or a car crash. Or a mass shooting. This paranoid him so much, that before Collins could get out a single hello, Phil screeched "PLEASE TELL ME MY PARENTS DIDN'T DIE IN A CRAZY HOUSE FIRE."

  At first, Collins might've been confused, but then Phil immediately apologized for yelling. "No one in your family has been harmed in any natural or unnatural disasters." Collins said, as Phil sighed in relief. He motioned for Phil to sit down, and then he himself leaned against the front of his desk. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Phil as if he was trying to figure out something. Trying to figure out how to solve a rubix cube? Maybe, Phil thought, it was the plan for his lunch break. Or he was trying to read his mind.

  "Phillip, I heard you were looking for easy community service hours."

  What? "Oh, well I mean they don't have to be easy." Phil said, trying to sound nonchalant and failing. Who told him that Phil needed service hours? And easily? Sure, he needed more service hours on his transcript, but not really easy ones. He was thinking like tutoring special education kids from the local elementary school or something.  "I can handle difficulty. I don't want colleges to see it and think 'oh well he just did the first possible thing he could'".

  "Great!" Collins said, clapping his hands together. "That's what I like to hear. Because we have a new student arriving next week."

  Phil blinked. "Next week? A week into school? How? Why?" Last year they told a girl who had transferred from a boarding school that she couldn't start school the second week in, and she'd have to wait until the semester ended. Are they suddenly changing their minds? And how is Phil exactly going to help?

  "He's just moved from England. He's only ever been enrolled in preparatory schools, so he has no idea what public schools are like, let alone what America is like." He folded his hands in his lap. "And after great thought, we figured you would be the best student here fit to help guide him for a week or so until he's comfortable." He paused for any input from Phil, who just sat there speechless. Him, Phil Lester, a student guide. But this was exactly what he needed to show colleges that he'd be a successful social worker. Yeah, it's a shitty goal for a career, but Phil has always thought of teaching another human how to human as endearing and sometimes, exactly what the world needs. Helping hands.

  "You would be walking him to his classes, which will most likely be the same classes as yours. You'll answer any questions he has... Maybe help get him adjusted and introduce him to some friends..." Collins trailed off, and Phil knew exactly what he was getting at.

  "Is this a publicity stunt?" Phil asked, but he already knew.

  "Of course not."

  It was.

  "Look Phil, we don't get many foreign students. The last one was Felix Kjellberg, and even so he's been living in America since he was young. This new student is going to be treated like every other student in the building, but he is going to need someone to help guide him. Mostly so he'll understand what all happens in American public schools, but also we're hoping that with you by his side, it'll block possible bullying."

  Phil frowned. "So I'm going to be a human shield for him?"

  "I was thinking more like... a friend. He's going to need friends. Invite him to your group table at lunch. I know you have one. Try to befriend him. Moving to a new country is hard. I moved here from the Netherlands when I was a young boy," Phil almost groaned at the story Principal Collins was going to tell once again for the 80th time. "All in all, it was rough, and I'm sure it'll be rough on him as well."

  "I'll do it." Phil said. What could go wrong?

 

  "Is it a girl? Are you two gonna end up making out the first day?" Chris said after he told his group of friends around the lunch table. "We all know how you are with the ladies." He threw in a sly wink, which made Pj and the others groan.

  "First off, it's a guy. Second, I've never been good with the ladies. Remember Sandy last year?" Phil said between sips of milk. Another collective groan erupted from the table.

  "God, get over it man." Dean said, biting a carrot and then promptly dropping it back on his plate. He had this thing about eating the first bite of everything and then never finishing. He also did the same with his homework. And he wonders why he's failing Geometry. "You said the wrong thing, she publicly humiliated you. It happens to the best of us."

  "Did she really need to dump an entire bucket of water based paint on his head, though?" Pj said, with a hint of a smile lurking on his face. Phil remembered that day vividly. They were in Sophomore art class, and they were supposed to be painting something that resembles an emotion of their choice. Phil had been trying to ask out Sandy for a while. Honestly, he'd had a crush on her ever since 6th grade. In class, he had leaned over and said something to her about her painting.

  Remembering it now, he couldn't think of what he had said. It was all blanked out by the strong memory of her grabbing the container of red paint by her easel and squeezing it all out on top of his head. It was colder than he thought it would be, and it was definitely the most disgusting thing to ever happen to him. It ran down the back of his shirt and he ended up digging red paint out of his ears for a week. That wasn't even the worst part. After she had done it, and he wiped the paint off his eyelids to see, he got a clear look at her. Her entire face had gone red, and it looked like her eyebrows were transforming into kitchen knives. She practically had steam rising from her ears. Good thing he had paint in his ears, as the entire class had turned their attention towards the two and were laughing. Pj was there too, probably the only other student not laughing. He helped Phil go clean up and calm down over the situation. He event told him later what the teacher had said about it.

  "Mrs. Matthews, I am glad you take your emotional art form so seriously, but please keep the paint on the canvas. Unless you plan on paying for the paint you waste."

Eventually, Phil was able to get over the embarrassment of that day. Needless to say, Sandy never spoke to him again. Phil, now frowning at the memory, dropped his face to the table. "I regret bringing that up. Can we please change the subject?"

  After his friends joked for an hour about his community service project, they finally all agreed to help out as well.

  "He can sit at the table, as long as he can handle our rad jokes." Chris said, rubbing his hands together like the true reincarnate of the devil he was.

  Louise shook her head. "Please, if you keep that up, this guy will probably leave the table within 5 minutes."

  "Oh come on, Chris is scary, but he can't scare someone off that quick." Pj intruded, earning a proud smile from Chris. They were best friends but honestly, Phil was just waiting for them to snap and make out in the second floor boys bathroom during third period English.

  "Oooo I'm gonna put money on that." Jack announced, pulling out his wallet. He pulled out a five dollar bill. "What do you say, 5 bucks for 5 minutes?"

  Pj shook his head but Louise aggressively nodded. "You're so on!" She said, and Phil sighed.

  "Please don't bet on the new kid before he even gets here." He pleaded, but Chris was already googling jokes on his phone to tell.

 

  Phil spent about an hour choosing his clothes that following Monday. He basically ripped everything out of his closet and onto his bed. Practically every color of the rainbow, and Phil couldn't decide which was the right one.

  Sooner or later, his brother came in and ordered him to hurry up or else he was walking. Phil settled on his red plaid shirt and skinny jeans. He slipped on his red and blue shoes, that Louise insisted didn't match a single thing he owned. He had put in his contacts today which was abnormal for him, as after usually about the first day, he decided he was too lazy to do so and instead stuck with glasses. After brushing his teeth and fiddling with his hair for long enough that his brother started banging on the door, he finally left for school.

  Unfortunately, he was too late to be able to catch up with Pj and Chris before the first bell rang, so he headed for the principal's office instead. Mrs. Albury smiled at him and opened the office door for him.

  "Ah! Mr. Lester!" Collins said, and Phil was about to ask why the formalities, but then he noticed the woman and man sitting in the chairs in front of the principal's desk. They turned their heads towards him. "Phil. Please." Collins continued. "Come in."

  Phil walked in further, Mrs. Albury leaving, and both the guy, and whom Phil guessed was his mother, stood up. Collins continued speaking.

 "Mrs. Howell, Daniel, this is Phil." He introduced, and they both shook Phil's hand.

  "Please, just call me Dan." Dan said, and wow. If he hadn't been told about Dan, he seriously would've thought he was a full fledged adult. Not a teenager. His voice was low and musky, even with the accent, and he was a few inches taller than Phil, who was already the tallest in the school-even amongst the staff. He couldn't help but feel intimidated.

  Dan smiled promptly at Phil as he shook his hand, and he almost melted on the spot. Why was he so nervous? Not to mention the fact of how soft Dan's hands were. His facial appearance did seem to resemble a teen though. He sported chestnut brown fringe- almost exactly like Phil's -to match his eyes, and his skin was just as pale as Phil's. He also had a few stray moles(or "beauty marks" as Louise called them) scattered across his face. A single dimple in his cheek became visible when he smiled.

  "Hi! I'm Phil." Phil announced, his voice cracking a little. Dan eyed him but said nothing, and nobody else seemed to notice.

  "Phil here is a junior as well, and he practically jumped at the opportunity to be your guide." Phil was about to correct him, but Principal Collins sent him a slightly dirty look before continuing. "So, we have assigned him to be your... student guide, for a week or so. However long until you feel comfortable carrying on by yourself, Daniel."

  "Dan." Dan corrected again, but kept his chin high and a polite smile plastered on his face. Phil could've sworn he saw Dan's mother elbow him.

  "Right, of course." Collins said, and clapped his hands together. "Well, second period classes start in about 5 minutes, so I'll allow you and Phil to get on your way." He picked up a few papers from his desk and handed them to Dan. "Here is your schedule, which conveniently is the same as Phil's, and here is a map of the school as well." Dan looked over the papers as Collins spoke. "I advise all students to keep a map of the school just in case. Oh, and remember Mr. B, the Guidance Counselor. His office is just down the hall and to the left if you need him for any problems. Which is also labeled on the map."

  Dan nodded, "Thank you."

  "Absolutely no problem. Now get to class boys. Wouldn't want to miss another class today, now would you?" Dan nodded and made a quick farewell to his mother before following Phil out the door and down the first hallway.

 

  It was... hard to make conversation with Dan. On the way to their first class, Phil tried many times to bring up small talk, but Dan just politely nodded or let out a noise of agreement. It was like he had lost interest.

  Cat passed a post it note to Phil in the middle of Algebra ll.

_your new buddy is cute._

 Phil looked over at Cat, who shot him a cheeky smile, before he sighed and wrote back:

   _his name is Dan. he's kind of an ignorant prick._

After Cat had read the note when he passed it back, she pouted a bit but shrugged. It was her own way of telling him it'll be okay.

  Phil had no idea how he'll be able to guide a brick wall for a week.

* * *

 

  Dan spent almost his entire first day in silence, watching and noting how Americans interact in the "wild". Lunch period was quite a show.

  First, Phil showed him how to order what he wanted from the menu and pay. Phil and the lunch lady seemed generally shocked when Dan pulled out a Mastercard and handed it to her to pay. Dan had absolutely no idea how this was so interesting, but then he watched as Phil pulled out a bunch of quarters from his pocket to pay for his drink, the sandwhich and crisps.

  Oh sorry,  ** _chips_**. As they say here in the great land of freedom and shitty words. They called the pavement the "sidewalk". Jesus christ.

  Of course, Phil had Dan sit at his lunch table full of friends. He wasn't quite sure if Phil was being nice because maybe he's normally nice, or just because he's being forced to by the principal. Dan leaned more towards the latter, as he noticed how nervous and twingey Phil looked when they sat down.

  "Hey guys," Phil began. "This is Dan." They all waved to Dan, who just sort of nodded. Most of them either looked sorry for him, or they looked like birds circling around him ready to peck his eyes out. That's what he was. Fresh meat. Delicious.

  "Uh, Dan I'll introduce everyone." He pointed at the blonde girl beside Dan, who wore a lovely summer dress and a cardigan to match. "This is Louise. She's practically the mom of the group. She can also easily tell when somethings wrong. A true lie detector." Louise smiled proudly.

  "Next is Jack and Dean." He pointed at a light brunette with glasses and a dark brunette with a smile. "They're best friends, yet they're always fighting about something."

  "Really? That's our description?" Jack spoke up, pushing his glasses up and waving his hands about.

  "Well its true. You sound like an old married couple." Phil said, chuckling a bit.

  "If we're married, then Jack is soooo the wife." Dean said, laughing.

  "Why am I the wife?" Jack said. "If anything, you're the wife. Look at your hair." Dean frowned at him, and flicked his face. This ended up with them bickering and trying to flick each other.

  "Moving on," Phil said, controlling his chuckles. "Next is Cat, she's in our Algebra class." Cat, a lovely short haired brunette girl, smiled at Dan softly and waved. Feeling intimidated, he waved back.

  "And then there's Chris and Pj, also best friends." He gestured to the two boys, one with some fringe and the other with curls that looked a bit crazier than Dan's natural ones. If Dan's curls didn't make him look like a potato, he'd probably wear it natural, but he's straightened his hair ever since he found out what a straightener is.

  Chris wrapped his arms around Pj, who was giggling a bit. "Oh yeah, we're best buds. In fact," Chris went on, "I own him. Pj is mine. Touch him and I'll kill you with your own hand."

  "Ignore him." Phil said, turning back to Dan. "He's the troll of the group. Can't ever tell when enough is enough." He turned back to the table and gestured to the guy sitting beside him, who had been gazing across the cafeteria the entire time.

  "And lastly here, is Felix. He's Swedish." Phil elbowed Felix a little to get his attention.

  "Oh right. Hey." Felix said and you could definitely tell his accent was strong. "I moved here from Sweden when I was 7. Don't take these losers too seriously. This entire table is full of pranksters." He gave Dan a thumbs up.

  "And yeah," Phil said, finally seeming relaxed. "That's everyone." He started in on his food, and then engaged in a conversation with Pj.

  Dan didn't feel like eating. He simply just gazed around at the table. Louise and Cat were having a chat about Cat's apparent new haircut. Apparently her hair was just cut that short over the weekend. Phil and Pj were engrossed in conversation about a Zelda game, which Dan listened to for quite a while, and almost wanted to join in, but decided against it. Felix was staring every so often across the cafeteria at a girl with ridiculously long hair at another table. At some moments, she would look back, as if knowing, and wave at him. Dan was sure he saw him blush as he waved back. Jack and Dean were also engrossed on conversaton that Dan almost regretted listening in on.

  "What if I get a stroke?" Dean said. "Like, what if I'm having a stroke right now, and we don't even know it?"

"We've just been through this, since when are you such a hypochondriac?" Jack asked.  
  
"Well, I wasn't big on it until this year. And then it grew on me. And now I can't get it out of my head." Dean said, opening his milk carton and taking one sip before closing it and setting it back down. What the hell?  
  
"Why are you talking about it like it's a song?" Jack asked. Dean went on.  
  
"It's just the same thing, day in and day out." He started singing under his breath. "Su-gar, yes please"  
  
"That's not a stroke, that's Maroon 5."  
  
"Isn't that the same thing?"  
  
"No! Well..." Jack shrugged. What the bloody hell is wrong with these people?

 Just then, he caught Chris' leering eyes from across the table. Chris grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at him. Dan wasn't sure if he was supposed to be offended or intimidated. Chris spoke up loud enough for the whole table to hear.

  "Hey Dan. Tell us about Ye Olde England." He tried the last part in a mock British voice, which Dan would've been offended by, if Louise hadn't called him out on it first.

  "That was the worst accent I've ever heard." Louise said, laughing and yet tsk-ing at the same time.

  "Was not!" Chris defended, "my gram is from England!"

  "Dude, your gram is Canadian." Pj interrupted.

  "So? Isnt that the same thing?" Chris said, whipping around a carrot in his hand like a pointer.

  "Actually, even though Britain used to control Canada, after gaining freedom, most Canadians are originally bloodlined back to the French." Dan spoke up for the first time. All eyes on the table shifted to him. Phil smiled. Out of nervous habit, he continued on, "But England is fine and all...."

  "You've made him feel weird now." Dean said over to Chris, "Nice going."

  "Okay well," Chris interrupted again. "Dean's gram is from Wales. I've met her once or twice."

  "You don't even know my gram." Dean mumbled. "She's polish."

  "She's polish now, is she?" Chris said again, speaking in the same awful mock British accent.

  "You're doing it all wrong." Louise said. "Ahh, she's polish now is she?" Louise declared in a slightly better accent. This ended up in practically everyone at the table trying to top each other's british accents, while Dean demanded repeatedly that they stop talking about his grandma.

  Phil tried to speak amongst them. "Stop it guys, you're being rude." He tried, but no one seemed to hear him.

  Dan stood up from the table.

  "Dan? Where are you going?" Phil asked, almost embarrassed, as the table kept screaming and screeching the same line in worse and worse accents. Someone even shouted a "that's Irish you idiot!"

  Dan wasn't really offended, but he definitely lived for drama.

  "Somewhere else. I didn't expect Americans to be so rude and disrespectful to their neighboring brothers and sisters." Dan said coldly. It was the first time he's really spoken to Phil, his student guide, at all today. He almost felt bad that his first words were mockingly offensive. He had a brief thought that he'd be taking this too far, and yet something about this group of people told him that they do this all the time. "If I knew I'd be sitting with pretentious assholes for an hour, I would've just opted to sit in the bathroom instead."

  Phil's face was priceless, and Dan wondered if he was taking this too far. He then realized that the entire table was silent, and they all looked up at him with shocked eyes. Perfect. Jack, shocked as well, pulled out his wallet and handed Louise money.

  As if in cue, Dan started laughing. He laughed so much that tears came to his eyes. Everyone looked so confused, and maybe even scared. He even had Felix's attention, who seemed to be even more confused, as he had been zoned out for the last 5 minutes. Dan couldn't blame him. For how long they all had probably been friends, it made sense for him to block out their banter.

  "I cannot believe it was that easy to troll you guys." Dan choked out as he snickered. His sides hurt from laughing, and he didn't think smiling could hurt this much. Back in England, his mates would do this all the time. To the point where when Zack's mother was actually in the hospital, everyone thought it was a joke.

  "Okay so firstly, all of your accents were ridiculous. I mean, really? I swear I heard someone offer tea and biscuits. I'm part of a higher class of London and I don't even particularly like tea that much. I have it on occasion for traditions and such, but not really my Forte." Jack snatched the bill out of Louise's hands with a smug look on his face. She seemed too shocked to care.

  "Secondly, did you really think I'd be scared off by you that quickly? I mean yeah, you're all bloody weird as hell, but I can't really consider myself proper enough to be freaked out by it." He finally sat back down, and everyone seemed relieved, yet still shocked. "I know that you set up a bet to see how quickly you could scare me off. Im not an idiot. It's gonna take more than a few lame stereotypes and blatant yelling to get rid of me, folks."

  Phil smiled at him, practically beaming a ray of sunshine. Everyone still seemed a bit shocked and surprised, but others like Felix, Pj, and Louise wore approving smiles. Pj spoke up.

  "Dan," He began, folding his hands on the table and giving him a sincere look, "I have a feeling you're going to fit in very well here."


	3. black is the color of my soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh my god, we should all take Dan shopping saturday!" Louise suddenly announced. Neither Dan nor Phil had realized that the entire table had gone silent and was listening to them giggling and whispering to each other in the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: this is entirely fiction. This is not how Dan, Phil, or any of these characters act in real life.

  The rest of the week was.... different for Dan. The transition to American public education was strange. Dan was put in all of Phil's classes, yet he was bored out of his mind in all of them. He found himself dazing out the window as the teacher blabbed on about ions in Chemistry. He doodled little pictures on his 'notes' in Algebra ll. One class that he didn't know much about, obviously, was U.S. History. Yeah, he knew about Christopher Columbus and all that "new world" bullshit, but he didn't know how much they actually pillaged back then. He looked over at Phil in the middle of class, who looked much less mortified, and more disappointed. 

  Another thing, practically every day in class someone would tap on Dan's shoulder. When he looked over, they would whisper some stereotypical joke.

  This started in History, when the teacher was going over the control that Britain still had over America for a while, and the things those living in America weren't allowed to participate in, along with extra taxes. Dan knew this of course, and yet some kid in the front (whom Phil mentioned later was Caspar) raised his hand.

  "Does this mean Dan is here to spy on us and steal the country back?" He said, causing stifled laughs to erupt form the rest of the class, as the teacher stood frozen in confusion.

  "Can't steal a country if it's not worth anything to you anymore." Dan shot back.

  The laughter from the class turned into "Ooo's". Dan had no idea why. He just dissed their entire country, and they don't even care.

  When asking Phil about it later, he just shrugged. "No student really truly loves America. The education system is screwing us over to much to like where we live."

  In Algebra, the student in front of Dan turned around to face him. "Hey, why isn't the England football team allowed to own a dog?" Dan was confused. A dog? He didn't know anything about sports.

  "Uh, I don't kno-"

  "Because they can't hold on to a lead." The guy, who Phil addressed later as Joe, said. He even did finger guns at him and winked. Dan sighed.

  While waiting in the lunch line in the cafeteria on Thursday, someone shouted at him as they walked past. "ENGLAND DOESN'T HAVE A KIDNEY BANK BUT IT HAS A LIVERPOOL!" And then proceeded to run off. Phil shook his head, giggling. Dan tried to hide his smile. It's not like te jokes were offensive. Just ridiculous.

  Finally, sitting down at the lunch table every day was a treat, as Chris seemed to have a new joke each time.

  "A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vet to be neutered. 'is it a Tom?' the vet asks. To which he replies 'no, its in the box."

 

  "Alright so I was walking through Botanic Gardens in Belfast the other week when I saw two ducks. One said 'quack'. The other said 'slow down I'm going as quack as I can."

 

  "How can you tell someone's British? Look at their teeth."

 

  By the time Dan sat down at the table on Friday, he was prepared to hear something probably actually offensive. But apparently Chris had chosen the dumbest joke possible.

  "Hey Dan, what does the Lochness monster eat?" Chris said, and the table groaned, including Dan.

  "What, Chris." Dan answered, in more of an annoyed tone than he meant.

  "Fish and ships!" 

  Dan paused, giving Chris a stupefied look.

  "That doesn't even make sense!" Louise blurted out before Dan even had the chance. Phil was still giggling, though. Practically everything made this guy laugh. Not that Dan was complaining. If Phil laughed, it meant it was probably okay.

  Chris sighed. "Yeah, I ran out of jokes already. Most of the ones google gave me made no sense to me."

  "Probably because you're not British. You don't understand our culture." Dan said, sipping his soda. Having soda every day as a part of his lunch was not something Dan expected to be true, but everyone at the table either had a soda or a carton of milk. Cat and Phil had the occasional water bottle, but it rarely happened.

  Also, there seemed to be vending machines practically in every hallway. They contained little snacks like Chex mix and peanuts. Phil had said that it wasn't worth buying anything in there, as there wasn't chocolate or skittles or anything containing sugar. The whole "school health code" thing had to be enforced somewhere in the school, if not in the cafeteria. Yet, Dan still bought a pack of cashews anyways, and he pretended not to notice when Phil snagged a few, holding the bag out a little further and glancing in the other direction.

  It was still taking him a while to warm up to Phil's friends. Warming up to Phil was easy. He was funny and creative and said some ridiculous things that made Dan laugh.

  Dan had a personal "chauffeur" ordered to drive him to and from school, yet when Phil offered, Dan had taken no second thought before leaning by the window and telling Jeffrey that he had a new ride. Of course Jeffrey politely smiled and nodded, even asking if he needed anything else before driving off, but Dan knows he was probably cursing the whole way back for having to drive there for seemingly no reason. Dan didn't care, but Phil seemed to feel bad about it.

  The fact that Phil had a driver's license already was astounding to Dan. He couldn't imagine this guy driving without running into flowerbeds. Driving Dan home on Monday, Phil told him about the driver's ed course he took the previous year, and then how he had gotten his license as soon as possible. He sais he needed a way to get to and from places without relying on his parents. Dan couldn't personally understand that. He practically relied on money and drivers his parents provided for him to get place to place. Yeah Dan could drive, but he never worried about doing it himself. Let alone now, he'd have to worry about getting a driver's license in the state, which was something he didn't care to worry about. His UK license was basically just a scrap or plastic here.

  Phil's car was also something a bit different to Dan. Dan knew not everyone could afford  a mercedes or a really nice car, but Phil's was pretty crappy. It was red with a broken handle on the right back door, and the driver's side window couldn't go down the whole way. He didn't have air conditioning or heating, and his car seemed to give off a different atmosphere than the usual rides Dan would take.

  "Sorry it's so crappy." Phil had said when he noticed Dan's uncomfortable expression. His legs were squished up against him as he was too tall even for the front seat. "I can't really afford big fancy cars. I could barely afford this one, but me and Susan are going strong." He patted the dash board and the car, Susan, erupted a groaning noise which made both Dan and Phil jump.

  For the rest of the week, unless Dan was at home, he was at Phil's side. It was technically his job, being Dan's student guide and all. Yet, from the looks they got from other students, Dan thought he may be taking it too far and getting some unwanted rumors started.

  Dan confronted him about it at lunch on thursday, while everyone else at the table was engrossed in their own conversations. He leaned his head close to Phil's to speak, so as to speak in a lower voice- as if anyone would be able to hear them over their blatant yelling anyways.

  Phil smiled lightly as Dan quietly voiced his concerns. "Don't worry about it. They're probably just looking because you're the first transfer student we've had in forever. We're the only school with an anti-bullying policy that actually works, but it's mostly because there's no one really different here. Everyone knows each other and they're families. We're all kind of in the same misery boat, so we can't picture ourselves any more or less than equals. It's just strange to see a new face around here." Dan nodded as Phil spoke, fiddling with the sleeves of his jumper. Phil seemed to take notice. "Or honestly, they could just be looking at your fashion style. You're the only student here who dresses in a collared shirt everyday."

  That made Dan snort. "Well, I don't really have any other clothes. I used to go to a private school. All I ever wore was a uniform."

  "What'd you wear when you didn't have school?"

  "You're looking at it." He sighed. "My mum said she'd have Jeffrey drop me of at the local shoppes or whatever this weekend but I don't even really know what I'm looking for."

  Phil giggled. "You mean the mall?"

  "Mall." Dan corrected himself with a sigh, but he still joined in on Phil's giggles. "Where do you people even come up with these words?"

  "Oh my god, we should all take Dan shopping saturday!" Louise suddenly announced. Neither Dan nor Phil had realized that the entire table had gone silent and was listening to them giggling and whispering to each other in the corner. Phil didn't seem embarassed, but Dan felt his face heat up. Can't have a single private conversation in this place, can you? That's what happens when you sit at a group table.

  "Uhh eavesdropping much?" Dan said pointedly, ignoring the obvious blushing on his cheeks. Louise gave an apologetic smile but he knew she wasn't that sorry.

  "Dean and I are in." Jack said. "We both want to look at the vans selection in the shoe department."

  "Count Chris and I in, I guess." Pj said, and Chris did a silent cheer.

  "Well obviously you need me and Louise to help guide you to develop your new style." Cat said, smiling at Dan. He cowered down a bit. What was it about her that seemed intimidating to him? She was a nice girl and.... well. That's all Dan could really think of. He actually didn't really know anything about Phil's friends at all.

  "Oh my god, this is going to be great." Louise said. She pushed a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "It's like you're rebranding yourself. Felix, are you gonna come, too?"

  Felix was snapped out of his daily daze and nodded. "Uh yeah, I'm sure I could."

  "Great!" Louise clapped. "Then it's settled."

  "Uh.. guys?" Phil spoke up. Dan didn't notice until now how much he was leaning into Phil. The thought of spending a day at the mall trying to pick out clothes with these guys breathing over his shoulder was insane. Atleast Phil would be there.

  "I work saturday, remember?"

  Fuck.

  "1 to 8, remember?"

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  "Oh, it's alright. I'm sure Dean can drive us." Louise waved him off.

  "Yeah," Dean joined in and Dan thought he was gonna pass out. "I have the car this weekend. I was just gonna go drive around, but I guess I can take you losers to the mall." He took one bite of a french fry and put it back on his plate.

  Dan let out a groan, and the table finally seemed to notice that the reason they're going to the mall was still sitting there and he wasn't okay with the situation.

  "Oh, don't worry Dan," Chris said. "Dean is a really good driver."

  "Yeah," Dean added, picking up another virgin fry. "As long as you're not in the passenger seat, Chris."

 

  "I can't go Saturday." Dan announced Friday afternoon, as Phil pulled out of the school's parking lot. He told himself he could mentally prepare for this, but after about a day and a half, he still wasn't prepared. Is he really going to a shop he's never been to, in a still mysterious country, with a group of people he barely knows? Let alone, a group of giant trolls?? Ready to push him into a pit if they got the chance?? He was able to show off on Monday with first impressions and all, but he can't live up to that if Phil isn't there to have his back and basically tell them when they need to chill.

  "Oh come on, they aren't that bad." Phil said, as if reading Dan's mind. He seems to be able to do that very well. They both tend to know what the other is thinking, practically all the time. Dan wasn't sure how this kind of friendship had developed so quickly, but he supposed it was just because Phil was forced to be his guide. After all, that's the only reason why he's even sitting at their table, right? Or why Phil doesn't speak up against Dan practically being attached to his hip? He must be getting some kind of benefit from this. Probably something to do with college. Telling himself this helped Dan push away his lingering background thoughts about Phil.

  "I barely know any of them. What if they go and make me try on something and then just flat out leave while I'm in the dressing rooms?" Dan hugged his backpack to himself. He was used to being in Phil's car now. He could relaxed and get comfortable in the front seat, but he was to tense about the matter to relax.

  Phil laughed, as he turned down the street. "That would never happen!" Dan gave him a look. "Okay, maybe if it was just Chris or Jack and Dean, but it would be because they got distracted. Yeah, you're the oddball out of the group and have the disadvantage of not knowing us for the amount of time we've all known each other, but they care to much." Dan shook his head and rested his elbow on the window. The air was hot, but the wind from the car was nice and breezy.

  "Trust me, you sit at our table. You're practically one of us now. Louise and Pj would never let anything bad happen to you. They may tease you a little just to be jokesters, but they're both practically the moms of the group. More so Louise, but Pj is pretty up there as well." He stopped at a red light and turned to Dan, who was already looking back over at him.

  "You'll be okay." He said with his trademark sunshine smile. Dan couldn't help but smile lightly back out of habit. "Besides, I literally work in the food court, so you could just text me or come to me if there's any problems. They like to bully me while I'm working anyways." With that and the smile on Phil's face, along with the sparkle in his eyes, Dan sighed and nodded.

  "Alright."

 

* * *

 

  It wasn't alright.

  As soon as Dean's car pulled into Dan's driveway, he knew this was a mistake. 

  Dan had spent about an hour fiddling with his hair, just to have Chris mess it all up once he squeezed in the back of the car.

  "Ahh!" Chris said, messing up Dan's hair. "There's me ol' buddy. Me ol' chum."

  "That's not even British." Cat said, laughing. "What are you even trying to be?"

  "Uhh isn't it obvious?" Chris said, waving his arms about and almost smacking Dan in the face. Why did they assume they could fit about 8 people in a minivan? Yeah, a regular 5 seated car like Phil's would be worse, but what the hell? Jack and Dean were up front, Felix and Cat in the two middle aisle seats, and then Louise, Pj, Chris, and now Dan were squished in the 3 person back seat. Dan was sandwhiched between Chris and Louise.

  "I'm one of the ghost pirates from Spongebob. Duh." Chris said, Cat rolling her eyes. Dan sighed and fixed his hair. It was hard to find a good position for his legs to be in without touching someone. He felt like slender man squishe'd in a confined space with a bunch of teens. Actually, that'd probably be slenderman's wet dream.

  "How would you normally fit Phil in here? It's so cramped." Dan mumbled. Somehow Dean, all the way up front, heard him.

  "Yeah man I know. It's the con of having a large group of friends. Someone needs to get killed off." He said, pulling out of the driveway.

  "I nominate Chris." Practically the entire van shouted at the same time.

  Chris looked mock offended and crossed his arms. "This is bullying."

  "You should be glad Phil isn't with us." Louise said to Dan. "Then we really would be cramped. You're basically in his seat. You'd probably have to sit on his lap or something." Dan could barely wrap his head around what was happening now, let alone the thought of him sitting on Phil's lap in a cramped vehicle.

  "Hey now," Pj interrupted. "I've opted many times to be tied to the roof."

  "So Dan," Cat changed the topic, turning around in her seat to face him. "Are you ready for your transformation?"

  "That sounds like he's going under a breast reduction surgery." Chris said.

  "For the record," Dan pointed out, "I'd like to keep my boobs at the same size and placement they are, thank you."

  "You don't even have boobs," Louise laughed along, looking straight at his chest. She even reached over to pat his chest. "You don't even have like, man boobs."

  "You mean pecks?" Pj said, giggling.

  "Yeah yeah, those. It's just all flat." Louise said, and Dan laughed. He couldn't tell if it was from nervousness or the fact that Louise practically just groped his chest.

  "Wow, thanks for breast shaming me, Louise. It hasn't even been 5 minutes and I've already been acosted." He said, laughing. Louise laughed and put her head in her hands, murmuring an apology.

   It took Dan about another 5 minutes to realize he never answered Cat's question. He saw her sit back in her seat during their bants. Oh well.

 

  The mall was quite another strange experience. After everyone decided to get out of the van at the same time, yelling over each other, Dean ordered them out one by one. "Every single time." Dean had mumbled, locking the doors.

  Everyone ended up engaged in small conversations as they walked in, so Dan shoved his hands in his pockets for some thing to do.

  "Should we get a trolley?" He asked, as they passed them. Everyone seemed to stop, but only Louise reacted to his queston.

  "A what?"

  "A trolley. You know, for like our stuff or whatever." He gestured to them.

  "Dan honey, those are shopping carts."

  "They're what?"

  "Shopping carts." She said, pointing. "Are you telling me you guys call them trolleys?"

  "You call them shopping carts?" He couldn't believe the language barrier he was dealing with right now. A shopping cart? How basic can you get?

  "No we don't need a trolley, Dan." Louise finally said, laughing. She took his arm and pulled him along with her to catch up with the group. "This is going to be more fun than I thought." Great.

 

  Cat picked the first store for them to go into, American Apparel. There were alot of outdoors-y clothes there, and Dan accidentally found himself wandering to the girl's side.

  "These shoes are cool." He said. Louise laughed.

  "Dan, this is the girl's section." Cat said, pointing at a pastel shirt. "Those are girl shoes."

  "They'd probably look good on him, though." Louise said, picking up a pair. "How big are your feet?"

  "Okay first of all," Dan started. "Gender rolls are the worst kind of bread." He said to Cat, who put her hands up in defense, laughing all the same. He turned back to Louise, "and I'm an 8 in UK sizes."

  Louise and Cat shared a look before Louise pulled out a pair of shoes and handed them to him. "Alright, try them on and see how you like them."

  Dan blinked at her for a moment, but did so anyways. The shoes were dark gray with a zip on each side instead of shoelaces. After putting them on, he walked around a bit, and Louise clapped as if he was a runway model.

  "Oooo, they look good!" She said, and Cat agreed. "Do you like them? Or do you want something more colorful?"

  Dan thought for a moment before nodding. "I like them."

 

  After purchasing the shoes, they went along to the next store, which Dan picked out a couple shirts and jumpers.

  "Why are they all black?" Pj asked, as he helped Dan pile them onto the counter.

  Dan shrugged. "They're black, like my soul."

  "Same!" Dean shouted across the store. Dan and Pj laughed a bit, but the store clerk looked utterly annoyed at the yelling. Whoops.

 

  After more shopping, they all decided to head to the food court, in search of food and their hardworking friend.

  Phil smiled, embarassed, when they all huddled up to the counter and started yelling their orders over each other. This ended up in them all fighting over who got to say theirs first, while Dan stood there and laughed, leaning on the counter, close to Phil.

  "Have they left you in a dressing room yet?" Phil teasingly said in a low voice. Dan couldn't help the strong smile glow across his face. He was just all smiles today. He didnt know how he could possibly smile so much in one day, but here he was. He expected to be horrified of Phil's friends, but he wasn't. Yeah they were obnoxious and intimidating, but they looked out for each other and they were fun to hang out with.

  "Not yet, but I'm expecting it to occur soon." Dan said back cheekily. "I'm sure I overheard them plotting about it while we were in H&M." He took note of Phil's work uniform. He had on a pastel blue visor with the company's logo across the front. His fringe seemed to swipe off his face, exposing more of his forehead. He also spored a matching collared shirt with a yellow nametag. Weirdly enough, the blue of the shirt and visor seemed to accent brighten his blue eyes, instead of clash against them.

  Phil laughed, his tongue sticking out between his teeth. Dan wished he'd have snapped a photo. "Well in the meantime before you're utterly traumatized," Phil continued,  "Can I get you anything?"

  Dan looked up at the menu. There were pretzels and lemonades of different flavors  and all kinds of things. It was overwhelming. "Uh...I don't know. What's the best drink to get?"

  Phil thought for a hard second. "You'd probably like the strawberry lemonades. They're sweet, but it doesn't really taste like there's a lot of sugar in it."

  "I'm sold." Dan said, smiling brightly at him. Phil nodded and went off to make the drink. Dan finally turned his attention back to the group.

  Jack was now trying to stop the bickering of the group, including covering people's mouths with his hands. This ended up in Dean licking his hand, and a grossed out Jack wiping his hand on him in disgust.

  "Who's paying?" Chris shouted out amongst them. Everyone quieted down almost immediately. "Well, if we're ordering as a group, someone has to pay, and it ain't me. Come on you assholes, get those wallets out." Chris said, and a couple of them reached in their pockets, but Dan extended his hands out in protest.

  "I'll pay." He said. The looks given to him were astounding. He thought he even saw Cat blush. "What?" He continued, "I'm rich. Paying for your pretzels and drinks is hardly anything to get worked up about. I just spent 200 dollars on jumpers."

  Chris looked at Pj and mumbled "what the fuck is a jumper?" But Pj shushed him.

  Phil came back with Dan's drink, and he thanked him, taking a sip. Everyone watched for his reacton, including Phil.

  "Oh my god." He said. "That is really good." He took another sip. Phil smlied bashfully.

  They all cheered and then began ordering their drinks and such. After Phil had finally finished the order, giving Felix his frozen lemonade, Dan squeezed in between everyone and handed Phil his bank card to pay.

  After handing Dan back his card and a receipt, Phil leaned over the counter and smiled at him. "Good luck, Bear." He said.

  Dan wasn't sure if he had heard him right, but it was too late to ask, as the group was dragging him away from the counter. An overly annoyed woman waiting in line took their place. She was greeted with Phil's bright smile and a "Hello, how are you?"

  The group was arguing over where to go next, but Dan's brain was still locked back in the last minute. Did Phil just call him Bear? Why? And why was Dan okay with it, let alone blushing after he said it? He never had a nickname besides Dan. And that was a pretty basic one for Daniel. He contemplated the nickname as he sipped his lemonade. The thoughts about Phil smiling in his cute work uniform definitely went to the back of Dan's head. Atleast for now.

 

  The rest of the day was spent browsing from store to store until Phil got off work at 8. Dan found some pairs of black skinny jeans to go with his clothes, along with other shirts and accessories. Louise even tried to convince him to get a haircut, but he made sure to let everyone know that he was satisfied with his fringe just the way it was.

  After walking around a hot mall for about 6 hours with a collared shirt and a jumper on, Dan started to sweat. Well, he had actually started to sweat about 20 minutes in, but now it was taking full affect. Especially on his hair.

  "Oh god." He said, looking at himself in his phone screen. "I look like a giant topiary, this is not good."

  "I think it's cute." Cat said, reaching her hand up and pushing back his fringe a bit. Dan practically recoiled in surprise. Louise gave her an incredulous look in return, then turned to Dan.

  "You look like a hobbit." Louise said, giggling.

  "Thanks for your love and support." Dan said sarcastically, trying to straighten out his fringe.

  "Well that's kind of what you get for wearing a sweater in September." Pj said. "It's like 80 degrees outside."

  "Don't you mean, a jumper?" Chris said teasingly, and Pj rolled his eyes.

  "It's already cold in England!" Dan whined. "I don't have 'hot 6 months a year' clothes, guys."

  "Well you do now." Louise said, motioning to his bags.

  "How am I ever going to adjust to this retched weather in your country?" Dan sighed, brushing his sweaty fringe out of his face 

  "It's your country now, too." Jack said, pulling out his phone. "Alright guys, you know the drill." Louise and Cat quickly "fixed" their appearances.

  "The what?" Dan asked.

  "Impromptu mall selfie" Jack said, clicking the camera app on his phone.

  "Oh god, is this really a thing?" Dan complained, as everyone got in frame. Louise rolled her eyes and pulled Dan in. He had to bend down a bit to fit in frame with everyone else.

  "Everyone say cheese!" Jack shouted, and everyone smiled. Chris gave Pj and Felix bunny ears, Dean had his hands on Jack's shoulders, and Dan was sandwhiched between Louise and Cat. Dan held up an impromptu peace sign out of nervous habit. After Jack took the picture, Dan noticed that Cat had been holding onto his arm for the picture. She promptly let go as soon as Dan noticed.

  "Ooo that's a good one." Jack said, looking at the picture. "I think that's going on twitter."

  "You say that every time we take a group selfie." Felix said, laughing.

  "He says that every time he takes a selfie in general." Dean said, laughing. Jack hit him lightly over the head with his phone.

  "Shut up. I can't help the fact that I look damn good." Jack said. He went back to his phone. "Dan? Do you have a twitter? I'll tag you." Dan gave him his twitter handle. As the group kept walking, Jack was still scrolling through twitter on his phone.

  "Dude, you have three thousand followers." Jack said, and practically the entire group ran over, peering at his phone to see for themselves.

  "What?" Dan shot back defensively. "Ive got important things to say, and people like to read it. How many do you have?"

  "Like, 100 at the most." Jack said. Chris took his phone and started scrolling through Dan's twitter page. "Felix is one of the most popular students at the school and he has like maybe 400."

  Felix laughed nervously, "I'm not really that popular." Jack shook his head.

  "Dude, some of these followers are from other countries." Chris said.

  "Hey, give me back my phone!" Jack said, trying to take it back. Chris smacked his hands away.

  "Thailand, Australia, Hong Kong, Canad- HEY!" Chris listed them off until Jack finally grabbed his phone back. Thank the lord.

  "Look, who cares?" Dan whined. He didn't think 3,000 was such a big shock. There were so many other accounts with millions of followers. "It's not even that many."

  "Okay guys," Pj announced. "I think we're embarassing Dan."

  "Oh come on." Louise said "it's our jobs to embarassed him." She reached up and squeezed Dan's cheek in her hand. He crinkled his eyes and nose up, but he also felt a bashful smile creep up on his face.

  "Shut uuuuup." He groaned. Louise laughed.

 

  Squeezing everyone back in Dean's van at 8 was no challenge at all. Phil obviously had to take his own car, so he opted to take Dan home. No one really seemed to notice or mind. They were too busy bickering the entire time when piling into Dean's car. Dean was yelling at them to quiet down, but to no avail.

  "God, you people drive me crazy!"

 

  After getting in Phil's car, both Dan and Phil collectively sighed in unison.

  "How was work?" Dan asked. He wasn't sure what to say. He knew nothing about teenage jobs, let alone working in general. He was never really good at small talk to begin with.

  "It was quite a bit of work." Phil said, eyeing Dan with that cheeky smile of his. Dan let out a little laugh. Phil started the car, pulling out of the parking lot. "How was your mall journey?"

  Dan shrugged. "Got some clothes. Had some witty bants. Jack took a picture."

  "Awww!" Phil said, hitting his hand on the steering wheel. "I missed the impromptu selfie!" Dan laughed. "Did it turn out good? Did he post it on twitter?"

  Dan pulled out his phone and found the tweet for Phil. He showed him as he stopped at a red light.

  "Awe, you all look so good! What a squad." Phil said, smiling.

  "I look like a hobbit." Dan said, looking back at the photo. "Look at my hair! It's.... moist."

  Phil laughed. "I dunno, I kind of like it curly." He paused. "And moist."

  Dan snorted. "Shut up."

  "Seriously!" Phil continued. "You should never feel bad about your natural hair." Dan smiled over at him fondly. He couldn't tell if it was because Phil was so ridiculous, or what.

  It was confusing.

  Phil was confusing.

 

* * *

 

  When Dan walked into his house, mostly all of the lights were off. Yet, the kitchen light was on. Dan dropped his bags by the door, wondering to the kitchen.

  "Mum?" He called out. After all the pleasantries from today, the cherry on top of the sundae would definitely be his mother home before him for once.

  Unforutnately, Dan wasnt so lucky. The kitchen was empty. He walked over to the table, and there laid a neat note written for him. He picked it up with shaky hands.

   _Daniel,_

_I will not be home tonight or tomorrow. If you haven't eaten with your friends, please have Jeffrey make you something for dinner. He will make sure you are provided with food tomorrow while I am gone. He will take you anywhere you want to go, as well. I will see you Monday._

_Love you._

 

Dan sighed, before crumpling up the note and throwing it in the bin. He took his bags full of clothes up to his room, and remained there for the rest of the weekend. Jeffrey came and knocked on his door a few times, but after being yelled at to leave by an annoyed teenager, he gave up.

  Dan couldn't wait until he could see his friends again. He couldn't wait until he could see Phil again. He couldn't wait to stride into school on Monday wearing his new clothes. Showing a new Dan.

  He couldn't wait for Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I'm trying to be somewhat organized with this, so I've finally developed a light outline of a plot and other specific details for this, including specific dates for when I'll update with a new chapter! This will be updated every other Sunday, starting now. This means that chapter 4 will be up on 10/30. Other details will be updated along the way, as I figure out what they are. Thanks for hanging in there!


	4. being a princess is exhausting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan wasn't sure how he was convinced to go to Pj's party, but here he was, fixing his hair in the mirror of his bathroom and wearing his spookiest clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: this is entirely fiction. This is not how Dan, Phil, or any of these characters act in real life.

  The worst day of Dan's life, in his opinion, was never a specific day. He's always had bad days. One day, he wore his full blazer uniform to school on "non-uniform" day. Another time, was when his mother forced him to take up futball and at the second practice, the coach told him in front of everybody(including his friends and family) that a walrus could do better than him. There was even a time when he had developed a crush on this one girl in primary school and her and her friend came up to him and rudely told him she "doesn't fancy him and never will." And then they ran away laughing.

  But by far the worst day in Dan's life, number one on the charts, was that following monday after going to the mall with his friends.

  It started off pretty well. Dan stayed inside the rest of the weekend on his computer and texted Phil until Monday rolled around. He woke up on Monday without hitting snooze on his alarm, excitement coursing through his veins. He checked his phone to find the usual good morning text from Phil, and texted back with a smiley face on the end.

  He spent all of the day before deciding what clothes he should wear, now that he had a choice. So as it was laid out for him on his desk chair, Dan put on his new shirt and jeans. The shirt was all black with white stars across the collar, and the jeans were just a simple black. He put on socks and his new zip shoes, pacing around his room to get used to them. He straightened his hair, as he had taken a shower the night before, and brushed his teeth, even washing his face. He wasn't particularly prone to acne, bless his genes for that, but that doesn't mean his face wouldn't still be oily.

  When he got the text that Phil had arrived to pick him up, Dan did a once-over in the mirror in the living room, grabbed a cheese stick and his backpack from the kitchen, and ventured out the door.

  He walked over to Phil's car in the drive way, shyly trying not to look at Phil's facial expression as he got in.

  "Hey." Dan said cooly, climbing in.

  "Oh my god, you look so cool!" Phil gushed. Dan couldnt help the wide grin possesisng his face at Phil's bright response. He pinched the sleeve of Dan's shirt and waved it a little. "It's pretty swag."

  Dan laughed. "Pretty swag?" He reiterated, causing Phil to laugh as well, embarassed.

  "Yeah i'm never saying that again, but you know what I mean!" He defended. They smiled at eachother. Dan took notice of the clear view of freckles and tiny spots on Phil's face. He could usually see the tiniest bit of scruff on Phil's face, but it looks like he shaved today. Something Dan will probably never have to do, as his body has always resembled an overly tall 8 year old girl.

  He glanced back up to Phil's eyes, which still seemed locked onto him. He immediately shot down any thought of Phil checking him out the exact way Dan currently just had.

  "Goodmorning." Phil said finally, breaking the silence. He was still wearing his casual soft smile, that Dan only seemed to recognize when they were alone.

  "Goodmorning." Dan beamed back.

  The ride to school was easy breezy, and Dan felt on top of the world. Phil had on a maroon shirt with some logo from a comic that Pj made a few years back.

  Phil was so supportive of his friends, it was ridiculous. Dan knew Pj would see the shirt later at lunch and smile at the fact that Phil was wearing it. The thing was, that was probably the only reason Phil wore it. He was an expert in doing the little things to please other people. Like stopping off before school one day to get Louise an apple and a drink because she was running late and didn't have a chance to eat breakfast. Dan decided after that to never tell Phil that he didn't eat in he mornings. Sometimes he'd have something small, but breakfast was something that never resided with him comfortably.

Either way, Phil was a people pleaser. Something Dan could never commit to for long. Some people just annoyed him too much.

  They walked together through the parking lot to the doors of the school, as they usually did. Dan ignored the heated sparks compulsing under his skin everytime their hands brushed. It somehow became a habit between the two. Phil always picking him up and taking him home in his car. They were always seen walking the halls together. Yeah Phil was his student guide, making it reasonable to the students and faculty, yet it was more mutual than that now.

  After his first week, Dan couldn't figure out if Phil was doing this because he had to, or because he wanted to. Dan had never once told him to go away, and Phil seemed like a nice enough person to begrudgingly stick around someone forever to make sure they were okay.

  Yet there was always a tiny voice in Dan's head telling him that it's more than that. So as they walked, Dan suddenly wondered what it'd be like to hold Phil's hand. What it'd be like to be intimate with Phil. Take in his scent and all of his tiny perfections and imperfections, and keep them in a little envelope in the back of his mind, taped shut with a heart sticker. One of Phil's stickers. He wouldn't be surprised if Phil had heart stickers. He had a large collection of stickers, the dork.

  Usually they were met with the beautiful, yet old, one-way push doors to the front of the school. By the time they usually get there, everyone has already filed in. Yet, there seemed to be a large crowd in front of the school this time.

  "Did a fight break out?" Dan asked, suddenly stopping in his tracks. Phil furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, shaking his head.

  "Fights dont break out. Maybe something happened." He said, and he lightly grabbed Dan's arm to follow him as he sped up. Dan tried with all his might to ignore the touch and the fireworks exploding against his skin as they got closer to the group. 

  What they didn't realize was that the group didn't consist of students. It consisted of adults. Adults with cameras. Flashy cameras.

  Dan winced as flashes hit his vision left and right. His thoughts of Phil touching him were clouded out from the voices shouting at him.

  "Daniel! How are you doing at an American Public School?"

  "Daniel! Is it true that you moved away because you hate England?"

  "Daniel!"

  "Daniel!"

  "Hey Daniel!"

  Dan felt like he was having a seizure. He was stumbling through the crowd, with his arms over his face to block the flashes. As he was about to trip and fall over, he felt a hand gently on his lower back nudging him forwards, presumably Phil, towards the doors. Once they got in through the doors, Phil's hand left him, and Dan almost collapsed. He blinked, trying to adjust his eyes to the lighting.

  "What the....hell?" He mumbled, and he could still hear the desperately yelled out questions, the sound of cameras going off.

  "I think you've just been paparazzied." Phil said, who was rubbing his eyes beneath his glasses. He paused, blinking a few times, and then turned to Dan. "You alright?"

  "I guess." Dan started, "I'm just confused."

  "Well, you are kind of a big deal around here." Phil said, mindlessly brushing something off of Dan's shoulder. It was slightly easier to ignore the sparks at Phil's touch this time.

  "I am?"

 "Well, you're the first kid to move here from Britain, and into this specific school." Phil brushed his fringe out of his face. "We're like the best school for new kids, yet we never get any."

  "You dont?"

  "And the fact that we have a new kid, let alone one from another country....it's like big news."

  "It is?"

  Phil laughed a bit. "Are you alright now?" Dan nodded.

  "Come on, let's not be late for class." Dan smiled lightly and followed him down the hallway, taking a glance back at the reporters, who were still trying to get his attention with camera flashes and mouths forming idiotic questions.

  In between his first 2 classes, Dan stopped at his locker to switch out some books. It took him a whole minute to remember how to use his padlock, but he eventually got it open. Usually Phil was with him, and he could just convince Phil to do it for him.

  He never had a lock on his old locker back at his old school, and he had no desire for one now. Phil insisted he keep it as even though people in the school were nice, being the only rich kid and all, his stuff could get easily stolen. With Phil being his guide, Dan had been able to convince Phil to just do it for him, and Phil would roll his eyes everytime, obliging, but he'd say something like "fine I'll show you one more time" or "just this once". But today Phil had to actually stop by his own locker before the next class, in which Dan was forced to work out his locker by himself.

  And when he opened it, he realized that he should be grateful that Phil didn't open Dan's locker today, as a note flew out at him. His locker wasn't that messy, he thought, why were dead trees attacking him?

  Leaning down to pick it up, he thought maybe it was a paper from class that he had forgotten about shoving in there Friday. Yet when unfolded it, he realized it was definitely not from class.

   _Dan,_

_Your dimples are cute._

_Xoxo_

_Your Secret Admirer_

Dan didn't know he could blush and feel such a strong urge to throw up at the same time. He glanced around at the other students in the hallway, suddenly feeling like this was some practical joke pulled on him and everyone was going to be watching with glee.

  There were only two other people in the hall, and they both were fiddling with things in heir lockers.

  Mumbling incoherently to himself, he shoved the paper in his bag and grabbed his books.

  Did he really have a secret admirer? How fucking cliché was that?

  When meeting up with Phil again in his next class, Dan couldn't even look at him. Was he the one who put the letter in there? Was that why he all of a sudden couldnt come with Dan to his locker? Perhaps Dan was just overreacting, but it did seem awfully convenient for Phil to suddenly need something from his locker....

  No. That's silly. Phil seemed like the type of person to be embarassed by writing little love notes. And he didn't loo suspicious...

  His mind was set to ease as he saw Phil drifting off in his hand as the teacher up front tried to explain polynomials. Dan made sure to copy the notes in Phil's notebook as well, trying to coo at Phil's sleepyness. He seemed to be a very sleepy guy.

  Phil would also be acting a whole lot more embarassed if he had written it. He would've known that Dan had seen it by now. Even though he was a sleepy person, he wouldn't be falling asleep if he knew Dan read his letter. So that means it had to be someone else. But who? 

  Dan scanned the room silently. No one seemed suspicious. While the teacher wasn't looking, Dan pulled the crumbled note from his bag, examining the handwriting. It was big and bubbly, and the i's were dotted with hearts. Phil didn't write like this. Honestly, most teenage girls wrote like this.

  Okay, that narrows it down to about half the school. Great.

 

* * *

 

  As the day progressed on, Dan seemed to receive strange looks from the other students. The same looks he recieved all last week, but they weren't looking at his clothes. Just. At him. He couldn't tell if the looks were angry, judgemental, or just flat out looks of embarassment and guilt.

  Was it because of the reporters? Was Dan just destined to be that annoying British kid that gets all the star attention and everyone hates him for it?

  _I am never going to be just another student,_ Dan hastily thought, hanging his head low as he walked by Phil's side.

  It was probably everyone's dream to be like Dan. To be rich, to be popular enough that they're paparazzied, to be asked for interviews.

  He was wearing normal clothes, he was participating more in his classes, and people have stopped speaking to him only about England.

  Tyler Oakley, the other day, even asked him if he could copy Dan's Psych notes.

  Yet, he still didn't feel like he fit in. If anything, he felt more like a lizard student walking down the halls, than a British student. Actually, a lizard student might be more accepted into the student body than him.

  Phil seemed to pick up on his melancholy straight away, as he kept reassuring Dan that it was okay. He offered Dan a soft smile and kind eyes, and even crcaked , few lame jokes.

  "So my dog name Minton, he ate a shuttlecock and you know what I said?"

  In place of Dan's silence, he continued. 

  "Badminton!"

   Dan laughed, mostly out of how ridiculous the joke was. "That was so lame." but he was smiling.

  And suddenly, he didn't care about the reporters and the stares anymore. Because Phil was here by his side, somehow able to make everything better.

  God, was this a crush?

 

* * *

 

  October was a slow month. Dan wasn't sure how he would survive. The weather abruptly changed from the warmth of summer to the icy depth of winter right before his very eyes.

  "Yeah we don't normally get a fall." Dean said one day when Dan complained about the freezing cafeteria. "Welcome to living on the east coast. Better invest in a hoodie."

   The reporters were still showing up daily, and his friend had started to take notice of how much it was stressing him out.

  "Why do you always look so tired?" Louise asked, frowning and squeezing his chin with her hand. She knew the answer, but the motherly affection was there, Dan could tell.

  "What can I say, being a Princess is exhausting, Lou." Dan mumbled back, swatting her hand away.

  "I think you should let them interview you." Chris said, shoving the crappy cafeteria pizza in his mouth. He swallowed before continuing. "That's such a good opportunity. No one gets that here."

  "I don't really feel comfortable with it, though." Dan said quietly. "I just want to be left alone, you know."

  "I'd love to be in your shoes." Jack said, and Dean nodded. "God, that'd do wonders for my college resume."

  Dan sighed as the rest of the table seemed to erupt in conversation over what it'd be like to be in Dan's shoes. He fiddled with his sleeves, and honestly felt like darting from the table. Pj tried to change the subject at some point, but to no avail. Louise gave Dan a sympathetic look. Moms of the group. What a perfect title.

  Dan just kind of shrugged back at her, waving it off. He didn't want them to thibk he was affected by this, but god, he wished for anything that the subject would change. The conversation started to get into what they would do if they really were in Dan's shoes, being rich and all. That's when Phil finally spoke up.

 

  "Did you guys see Mark today?" He snapped suddenly, dropping his fork onto his lunch tray. His outburst took everyone by surprise, even Dan. "He shaved his beard."

  Dan practically wanted to run to Mr. and Mrs. Lester and personally thank them for making Phil exist.

  "I know right!" Jack joined in after the silence. "The only kid in this damn place besides Felix who can grow some manly face hair and he shaves it all off!" He touched his own chin, reminiscent.

  "He said it was itchy." Felix cut in, a bit defensive, but he was still laughing.

  "Dude, I don't care if you guys are friends, he needs to share the hair man." Chris said. "We look like 10 year olds."

  "You also act like 10 year olds."

  Phil glanced at Dan while the conversation went on, but he was already looking at him. He mouthed a a silent 'thank you' to which Phil nodded, smiling lightly. 

   _Everything's okay,_ he thought,  _as long as Phil's here._

 

  Another thing Dan seemed to develop over this lovely month of unfortunate events was extreme annoyance towards his secret admirer. The notes came every couple of days. Shoved in his locker, the same kind of compliments.

   _your eyes are so bitter and intimidating, like dark chocolate. I could drown in them._

_you should stop straightening your hair every day. The curls are sexy._

Eventually, they started giving clues to the writer.

   _you see me everyday, yet you don't notice me._

_Im surprised you haven't found me out yet._

 

  Dan rolled his eyes when he read them. He ended up shoving all of the notes to the bottom of his bag, eventually not even looking at them when he got them. He didn't even care who it was now. They would eventually figure out that he's not interested. And waste about seven trees in the process.

 

  During the final week of October, Pj came to lunch with a notebook and a pencil.

  "Alright guys, as it is this time of year, Pj's spooky bash is happening once again." He started, and everyone got overly excited. Cat and Louise squealed, Jack and Dean high fived, and Chris pumped his fists in the air and hugged Pj, who rolled his eyes and pushed him off with a smile. Phil was excited as well, tapping his hands on table and smiling dorkily.

  Dan had no idea what was going on.

  "So, now is the time to vote on movies. We will be playing two movies. One horror movie, and one seasonal movie whether horror or not. As usual, we will go around the table naming our desired movies, and we will vote tomorrow." Dan was still confused, as Pj pointed at Chris to start.

  "Okay horror movie, Human Centipede obviously," a couple people groaned and he shot a glare to them. "and other movie halloweentown, as it is a Disney Channel classic."

  Cat went next. "Alien vs. Predator and Nightmare Before Christmas, duh!"

  And then Jack and Dean, who shouted their movies over eachother, even though they were the same. "The exorcism and nightmare before christmas!"

  And then Louise. "Orphan! It's a really good indie horror movie. And Charlie Brown obviously. He's tradition."

  The table then looked at Dan, who shrugged. "Uh..... alien vs predator sounds good.. and nightmare before christmas." Cat smiled at him and blushed. He guessed it was because he had literally chosen the ones she picked. He tried not read into her flirtatious stares at lunch, anyways. He figured she was just a flirty person. Pj scribbled something out on his notebook in frustration.

  "Guys, we need more choices." He said, gesturing Phil to continue them on. Despite all the other movie ideas, when they voted the next day alien vs predator and the nightmare before christmas won. 

  "This is possibly the weirdest combination yet." Pj said, when he counted up the tallys. "But whatever. Remember, its at 6 this Saturday at my house. Dont worry about blankets or pillows because I have a mass of them, and you don't have to come in costume. It's just a movie party." He said, looking pointedly at Jack and Dean, who exchanged glances and smirked.

 

  Dan wasn't sure how he was convinced to go to Pj's party, but here he was, fixing his hair in the mirror of his bathroom and wearing his spookiest clothes.

  He didn't get a costume, obviously, but he was dressed appropriately in all black and even had monochrome bat socks to match. He was spooky as fuck.

  Phil came to pick him up, as always, sporting a pumpkin patch jumper. "I only get to wear it like once a year," Phil said "so Im always really excited about it."

  It didn't take long to get to Pj's house. In fact, he only lived just down the street from Dan. His house definitely did not resemble Dan's in any way.

  The house looked about 150 years older than Dan's and was actually split down the middle into two apartments. Dan wasn't totally sure, but he almost thought the house looked like it was falling apart.

  He had no driveway as well, as Phil had to park down a ways on the street. Walking up, Dan felt a twinge of nervousness.

  "So, this is just the group right?" He began, fiddling with his sleeves.

  He didn't notice Phil's small smile. "Yeah, it's just the squad. No reason to worry, it's just like lunch, except with movies and probably truth, dare or would you rather."

  "Truth, dare or would you rather?" Dan asked momentarily, biting his lip. Truth or dare was such a middle school cliché. And would you rather seemed 4th grade level at best.

  "Yeah its a game we came up with a few years ago. We couldn't decide whether to play truth or dare, or would you rather, so we combined it. The game goes on for about 5 minutes and then we just all start talking about nothing for 3 hours until we decide to watch the movies." He glanced over at Dan, as if to make sure he was okay.

  Dan wasn't sure what it was inside him, but he felt a strange gut feeling over spending the night with all of his "friends". It's been a month now, and he knew them pretty well. He knew they wouldn't say or do anything hurtful, but he didn't want anyone to poke at his private life. After spending that day at the mall and dressing in clothes that didn't make him look like a prepubescent Mormon child, they wouldnt let go the fact that Dan was rich as balls. Sometimes, Dan wish he could forget. It was so easy to just slither into their group and act like he felt the same personal struggles.

  Chris was saving up for a car from working with his dad in his shoppe on weekends. Phil, Cat, Jack, Felix, and Pj all had weekend jobs somewhere in the mall or in stores around the mall as the place was close to their neighborhood. Louise babysat for her neighbors and her lesbian Aunts a few nights a week. Dean tutored middle schoolers during the school year and did lawn work for neighbors over the summer. They were all saving for college, cars, etc. Things Dan could easily get without even speaking a full sentence to his mother.

  In fact, all he really had to do was blink and she would somehow know that he needed to use money for something  and she would just nod, waving him off as she went back to her laptop.

  It was quite ridiculous, Dan knew that, but it definitely set a thick wall between him and the rest of the group. He could pretend to relate to them, but he would always be the rich friend that everyone is envious of.

  "Hey." Phil said, taking Dan's hand in his own.

  Dan snapped out of his thoughts, the metaphorical butterflies swarming in his stomach at the touch. "Hey." He said back.

  "Stop thinking too much." Phil said, his mouth turning up into a sneaky grin. "I can hear all those gears turning in your head from over here."

  Dan wondered if Phil could hear his heart beating out of his rib cage as well.

  "I'm just thinking."

  "Don't worry your pretty little head." Phil started walking again, dropping his hand but keeping the close proximity. Dan held back the urge to reconnect their hands.

  "It's just a hangout. Like everyday at lunch."

  Dan nodded, disappointed that Phil dropped his hand, yet also smiling from the compliment. He was just a whirlpool of emotions.

  When they got to Pj's backyard, it seemed that they weren't exactly late, as not everyone had arrived yet.

  "Where is everyone?" Dan asked.

  "None of these assholes ever show up on time." Pj said. "Lou should probably be here within the next 10 minutes, and Cat as well. Felix isn't coming though, because he's at the big halloween bash that Irish Jack is hosting."

  "Irish Jack?" Dan asked. He tried to rack his brain for any correlation this nickname had with anyone talked about at lunch. There was banter about Felix being considered "popular", Dan remembered. Alone with Mark and Jack. That must be Irish Jack.

  "He's one of the most popular guys in the school."

  Dan mentally patted himself on the back for that one. He obviously didn't know everyone in the school yet, but he was still able to pick up names from the table. Matching names to faces would be more difficult, though.

"Nobody knows his last name." Pj continued, "So he developed the nickname Irish Jack."

  "He's actually irish." Phil interjected. "We're not trolling you."

  "I thought you said I was the only foreign kid here?"

  "He's lived in America all his life. He's probably the only family in the town that actually has enough money to visit their family in Ireland enough that he keeps his accent." Pj explained. Dan nodded with an 'oh'. He desperately thought for a way to change the subject from "family wealth".

  Before he could, Chris, Pj and Phil all engaged in conversation about the movies or something. Dan kind of wanted to join in but honestly, he was just glad to not have the attention on him. It was hard keeping up a fake identity. Was that what he was referring to it as now?

  Instead, he listened to the usual bickering between Jack and Dean. It was always something different with these two. Bread, award shows, the importance of the dictionary. This time, it was about facebook.

  "You're separating the E for some reason!" He heard Jack complain. "Like it's own detached house. It's a lonely E Dean. It's shivering in the cold. Like your nan at Christmas."

  "You don't even know my nan." Dean said. "She lives in Florida."

  "Fine, fine! Say what you're saying, say fac-e-book."

  "Fac-e-book."

  "Now say facebook."

  "Fac-e-book."

  Jack screamed, shooting up from his chair and flipping the tiny plastic table in front of him over. Dan seemed to be the only other one who noticed. Of course, they all said this was normal for them. Bickering like an old married couple.

  "Why'd you flip the tab-le?"

  Jack screamed and ran across the yard, dragging more attention from the rest to the group now as their conversations disintegrated.  

  "AHHHHH!!! TAB-LE! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS!" Jack ran over to the other side of the yard through his rage. Even towards Pj's mom's garden. "YOU SEE THIS? THIS IS YOUR FACE!"

  "Did you just punch a cabbage?"

  "-SEE WHAT YOU'VE BROUGHT ME TO, DEAN? DESTRUCTION!" Jack kicked over a chair. He paused for a moment. "I'll put it back, though." He said, as he picked the chair back up and set it back in it's spot. He stormed over to Dean.

  "There's no reason for you to do this! You're separating random Es from random words, for no reason! Why are you doing it?" He demanded. Dean smirked.

  "Because it annoys you, Jack." Dean said, and everyone collectively clapped and laughed as Jack facepalmed.

 

  Once Cat and Louise had finally arrived, the party was moved inside to Pj's kitchen. Everyone collectively greeted his mother, who smiled and greeted them all as well, like old friends. However, when she came across Dan, she felt the need to introduce herself, as all parents do.

  "Ahh, and who's this?" She said, a warm smile across her face. Dan could tell where Pj got most of his features from. She had the amendments brown curls, the same nose and green eyes, it was like looking at a twin.

  "My name's Dan, nice to meet you." Dan said, extending a hand. He instinctively held his chin high and pushed his shoulders back out of habit. Customary for meeting new people, as he had been taught growing up. She shook his hand gratefully.

  "Oooo, is this the British transfer you were talking about Pj?" She asked. Pj nodded promptly, giving her a thumbs up. "Well, make yourself comfortable Dan, and everybody else, well. You all know to make yourselves comfortable by now." She gestured to Chris, who was already pillaging the freezer, with a wrapped popsicle in his mouth. She waved them off, and went upstairs.

  Pj smiled at her before walking over to Chris and smacking his hands. "Stay out of there. Those are my mango pops."

  "I promise I'll share." Chris said, pouting.

  The entire group was huddled in the kitchen, grabbing snacks and making popcorn. Making chit-chay. Dan wasn't sure how to _not_ feel out of place. Conveniently, there was a bowl of candy right on the counter next to Dan. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to snag one.

  "Not even 5 minutes in, and Dan is already stealing all the candy." He heard a voice behind him. Turing around, he saw Phil with his phone out, catching Dan in a presumably wild state, unwrapping his third caramel candy.

  "Stop filming this!" Dan exclaimed, holding his arms up, embarassed. " _why_ are you filming this?" He laughed nervously along with Phil.

  "For snapchat of course." Phil said, lowering his phone and typing a few things. "Why don't you have a snapchat, Dan?"

  He shrugged. "Too lazy."

 

  After snacks had been acquired, the group migrated to the living room floor, sitting around in a circle, with the snacks in the middle. Their banter came normally, almost as if they were still sitting at the lunch table. In fact, they practically were, as they were sitting in the same spots, just without Felix.

  "Okay Dan." Jack said, turning to him. "Truth, Dare, or would you rather." Dan still didn't understand how their weird game worked.

  "Truth?"

  "Okay. Don't worry, I'll go light on you." He continued, mostly from the look Louise gave him. "Would you rather tell us your favorite thing about America so far, or tell us possibly the worst thing you can think of about America right now."

  "Ooo, I'm ready to be attacked." Pj said, rubbing his hands together and eyeing Dan for his answer.

  Dan thought for a long moment. "The best thing about America so far is the Jalapeño string cheese." He practically felt Phil cringe when he said it. Louise gave him a disgusted look.

  "Ew who the hell likes Jalapeño cheese?" She asked. He shrugged.

  "I like that it's specifically the string cheese though." Pj noted. "Fuck blocks. Fuck slices. Fuck shredded. String cheese will live forever in our hearts." He placed a hand tenderly to his chest, closing his eyes as well in a mocking way. Dan rolled his eyes, throwing a pillow at him.

  "Shut up."

  As Phil said earlier, the game didn't last very long, as their conversations eventually drifted away from the game into regular banter. There was a point where Louise started massaging everyone's heads. They even forced Phil to eat cheese, which was something equally humorous and painful for Dan to watch.

  "Ok Phil, truth, dare, or would you rather." Dean asked.

  "Truth." He answered, rolling his eyes as Chris booed him.

  "Okay, would you rather, eat some cheese from Pj's fridge, or tell us who you're crushing on."

  A collective gasp erupted from the group as all eyes turned to Phil. Dan raised an eyebrow.

  "What? I'm not crushing on any body!" He said defensively.

  "Oh come on man," Dean went on. "We all can tell when you're in love. Well, maybe Dan can't-"

  "Oi."

  "-Because he doesn't know you as well as we do, but come on. Look at you." Dan glanced over to Phil, who was indeed blushing and smiling and he definitely had a crush on someone, or else he wouldn't be reacting so strongly.

  "Who is it?" Dean leaned forward, and so did everyone else, awaiting Phil's answer. Dan even found himself wondering. In fact, he felt almost a pang of jealousy for whomever Phil apparently had his eyes on. Whoever it is, they don't deserve him. He's too nice for this school.

  Phil glanced at Dan and then around the room, and shook his head. "This is ridiculous. You can't make a would you rather when I can't do the one option! That's unfair gameplay!"

  Dan couldn't help but feel let down. He wasn't sure why, but he was suprisingly sad that Phil wouldn't tell who he had a crush on. It was obviously someone special. The thought made Dan sad and jealous. Such conflicting feelings that he definitely knew were pointless to feel.

  "Sounds like someone is eating cheese." Chris announced, smirking as he got up to head to the kitchen.

  Phil murmured something along the lines of "I Hate you guys." into his hands.

Eventually the game of would you rather switched to fuck, marry, kill. A highlight was when someone gave Chris the options of Pj, Dan, and Phil.

  "Well," he began, his voice purposely low and husky. He wore the cheesiest of smirks on his face. "First I'd fuck Pj."

  Louise giggled.

  "Then I'd marry Pj."

  "Then I'd kill Pj."

  "And.... then I'd fuck him again."

  Everyone laughed, and it was dark enough with only the one lamp on, where you couldnt see Pj blush under his laughter.

  There were other, more ridiculous ones given as well.

  "Cat. Fuck, marry, kill. A Ken doll, Saturn, and Ghandi."

  "First of all," Cat started, waving her hands about. As if there wasn't enough gesticulating among the group. "Fuck Ghandi. I have a feeling he's into some kinky shit."

  "Oh, this is such a disgrace to historians everywhere." Dan mumbled into his palm. Louise shushed him.

  "Marry Saturn, because I mean look at the size of those rings. I'd be rich, bitches." She continued. "And kill Ken. Because honestly, fuck male beauty standards. And he doesn't even have a dick."

  The banter lasted longer than they thought it would, and got even more weird as the night went on. To the point where Louise had somehow convinced Dan to let her paint his nails.

  "You don't even have nail polish with you." He prompted, his first and last effort to get out of it.

  "Oh, but that's where you're wrong Danny!" She pulled out a small pink bag from seemingly nowhere, and unzipped it. "I have like 3 different kinds of black for you to choose from." God, she was crazy.

  He sighed, rolling his eyes but smiling anyways. He didn't really mind the thought of painted nails. He was rebranding, wasn't he?

  "Fine, but nothing shiny. I Hate shiny."

  "Good thing I have matte polish." She said, wiggling a bottle in his face. Dan had no idea what that meant.

  "Huh?"

  "Just shut up and gimme your hands."

  After the first hand was finished, the group ended up listening in on the banter between Dan and Louise as she commented on his "dinky nails".

  "Oooo! You look like Criss Angel." Phil said, as Dan waved his hand and giggled. It seemed like second nature when Phil giggled back, leaning against Dan to see the nail painting up close in action. Dan tried to not take too much pride in that.

  "Or like he blew Criss Angel." Jack said, giving Dan a wink.

  Dan shook his head, still smiling off of the high Phil's touch was giving him. "Nah, he's too pretentious for me."

  "Well you're not sucking his personality." Dean said. "You're sucking his dick."

  "Maybe I wanna get to know the body and mind possessing said dick first, before I suck it."

  "Awe, what a romantic." Chris mockingly, touching a hand to his chest.

  "Shit, how do you  _not_ get the ladies?" Louise asked sarcastically, painting his left thumb. "Or all the men." She added promptly. Dan suddenly realized that no one really knew his sexuality. Did _he_ even know is sexuality?

 "Honestly, just how do you not have people fawning over you left and right."

  "Lou. I'm a potato."

  Louise looked up, and then snorted. She moved to the next nail. "Or you're just a nerd."

  "Hey, I thought being nerdy was sexy now." Phil cut in, poking at his glasses that he surprisingly, didn't have on for once. Guess he decided to go for contacts today.

  "It's mostly nerds that find eachother sexy." Louise said. "If I loved some of the things you two do so much, I'd be all over you guys." She blew on Dan's nails and he suppressed his bubbling giggles at the feeling.

  "Like, when I see a hot guy reading a book like on the bus or something, that's really fucking hot." She continued on. "Imagine if you were with someone mildly attractive and they were kicking your ass at a video game. How would that not be hot?"

  "Alright Lou," Jack interrupted, rolling his eyes. "that's enough armchair psychology today. Next you're gonna start stopping people on the halls to have him ask them out."

  The idea of Louise doing that was absolutely terrifying.

  "I'm glad she's not my student guide." Dan mumbled under his breath, causing Phil to laugh, and Louise to shrug. He heard her mumble something that sounded an awful lot like "at least I won't fall in love with you"  but he ignored it.

  "So," Dan continued after a moment, looking at his newly painted nails. "On a scale from 1 to 10, how fast am I gonna get beat up on Monday for this?"

  "You might get funny looks." Jack said, downing a soda from a can. "But no one will really beat you up."

  "Some girl might beat you up for not wearing a better color." Chris said. "Fuck. Please don't get beaten up by a girl. I know you're not exactly the strong type but thats embarassing, Dan."

  "Hey!" Louise and Cat shouted simultaneously. Chris grinned.

  "I'll beat that shitty grin right off your face." Cat laughed.

  "Besides," Louise said, finishing up Dan's last finger. "I think he pulls off the black very well. Like some dark philosophical poet. Like Edgar Allen Poe."

  "Dan, give us your best free verse." Dean said.

  "Uh..." Dan thought for a moment.

  "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm bored of this poem. Let's make out."

  Pj let out a low whistle.

  "That's fucking art right there." Chris said. "Shit, can I use that?"

  Dan laughed. "Go ahead. I don't really have anyone to write it to in shitty handwriting on lined notebook paper, and then proceed to shove it in their locker because I'm too embarassed to give it to them in person."

   Everyone looked up at him. Shit.

  Dan suddenly felt like that was too specific. He didn't mean for his thoughts to drift to the love letters he's been getting, let alone voicing it to the others. 

  "Well now I feel really awkward about all those love notes I wrote to Jess in 7th grade." Dean said, laughing. And then everyone finally turned their attention away from Dan, and to Dean, prying at his apparent love note period in middle school.

  Dan let out a calm breath. Phil reassured him with a nudge of the elbow that it was fine. Then Dan realized he was actually trying to get his attention.

  "What?" Dan said in a low voice, just above a whisper.

  "Where'd Cat go?" Phil asked, gesturing to where she was sitting, which Dan now noticed was empty.

  "She went to the bathroom." Louise said, joining in their conversation as she started to give Dan a second coat. "If you fucking move your hand one more damn time, I'm gonna cut your fingers off."

  "Dan!" Chris almost shouted over the others to get his attention. He had a notebook and pen in hand. "Got any other ones?"

  "Uhhh roses are red, violets are blue, guess what? My bed has room for two."

  "Fuck, that's sly."

  Dan thought back to what his mates would say jokingly at 3 am in Zack's basement.

  "Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in a car."

  He felt a smack upon his head from Louise. "That's gross!" She exclaimed.

  "Shut it Lou, these are good." Chris urged Dan to go on.

  "Uhhh...." Dan though for a moment. "Row row row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily merrily merrily merrily, i can make you scream." He sang.

  "I think that one is verging on serial killer territory." Jack pointed out. Dan shrugged.

  "These are great. We should start a list of all the weird shit that Dan says. Honestly." Chris said.

  Dan sputtered, choking on literally nothing. "Please no. No one wants to listen to the utter donkey shit that comes out of my mouth."

  "Well you did just say donkey shit." Louise mumbled. Phil laughed next to him.

 

  Around midnight was when Pj decided to make everyone shut up so they could start the movies. They started with Alien Vs Predator, as when it was over, they could all fall sleep to the sounds of singing in the Nightmare before christmas.

  They all piled on Pj's couch, the recliner claimed by Chris.

  "You're such a prick." Jack had said, after he lost the rock paper scissors match for the chair.

  "Not my fault you chose paper. Fuck paper, man. You always choose scissors or rock. It's the law." Chris said, reclining back in his chair.

  Pj's couch was tiny to say the least. Even with everyone crammed on it, and Dean sitting on the floor, Dan was still practically in Phil's lap the entire time. Their legs were intertwined together, and Dan was almost sitting on him.

  "Are you okay with this?" Phil whispered in his ear during the opening credits of the movie.

  "Uh yeah." Dan said nervously. Thank god ir was too dark to see his blush. "Just sorry in advance if I jump when a face pops up. I'm really bad with jumpscares."

  He laughed. "Me too. We can be scared together."

  Except Phil wasn't as loud as Dan was. When Phil got scared, he would jump a bit and stay frozen like a deer caught in headlights. Dan? Well, he was loud.

  "Oh my god, Dan you're louder than the movie!" Chris complained after he screamed from the first jumpscare.

  "Someone shut him the fuck up" Dean said at some point, throwing a pillow at him.

  "Fuck off." Dan felt overly defensive for some reason. Maybe it was just his nerves getting the better of him. The scary movie. The sitting literally in Phil's lap. The brush of their legs together. The feeling Phil's chest rise and all its every breath.

  By the time the movie was half over, Dan had already shoved his face in Phil's shoulder to hide from the jumpscares. At some point, Dan couldn't remember when, Phil had put his arms around Dan. In an offer of comfort, maybe? Dan had no idea.

  He felt Phil's body move when he laughed, and when he jumped from a scare. Hell, he could even smell his shampoo. It smelt like cinnamon and pine trees. He wasn't sure what Phil actually smelt like, and he didn't want to try and find it for too long, as it's kind of weird when you notice your friend is sniffing you intensely. God, he couldn't imagine what Phil would think once he realized Dan was sniffing him.

  Eventually he settled on Phil smelling like Phil. Like happy. Like kind. Like laughing at jokes when you don't even find them funny. Like someone who would volunteer to show an annoying rich Brit kid around a new school and actually want to be his friend.

  _Or more than a friend_ , Dan thought, glancing up at Phil. He was focused on the movie, the light from the screen shining off his face in the dark. His eyebrows tilted back in curious fear. His soft eyelashes flickering as he blinked. His pointed nose. His high cheekbones. His lips, slightly agape as he watched the movie with such intensity.

  Someone then cracked a joke, probably Chris, causing Phil to laugh. And Dan had front row seats to it.

  To see Phil's eyes crinkle. To see his tongue stick out between his teeth. To see his Adams apple twitch in his throat as he giggled. To physically feel Phil's entire body shake with laughter, until it died down.

   _Maybe not,_ Dan thought. How could someone like Phil ever think of someone like Dan in this same way?

 Was he blossoming real feelings for this boy? Was that even possible for Dan? Yeah, he's had some hot thoughts about some girls and boys here and there, but not like this. He felt like he could tell Phil things he's never told anybody before.

  He didn't just like Phil's pretty eyes, he liked his laugh. He liked Phil's voice. He liked the good morning and good night texts Phil would send, with the cute smiley face on the end. He liked the way that Phil unconsciously opened his mouth slightly when focused on a certain algebra problem. He liked that Phil didn't mind unlocking and opening Dan's locker when he forgot how to.

  Dan didn't realize how long he'd been staring until Phil turned his head, meeting his leering eyes and smiling at him.

  Fuck.

  He was falling for Phil Lester. 

  And he was falling fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this so far! Leave a kudos or a comment if you do, as they tend to keep me going. (:


	5. tastes like rebellious tendencies and adrenaline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "May I speak to Principal Collins, please?" Dan asked in the most polite tone he could muster. Sure he was brought up to be polite and professional, but it proved quite difficult when his fists were so tightly clenched that he felt his dinky(as Louise calls them) fingernails digging into his palm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: this is entirely fiction. This is not how Dan, Phil, or any of these characters act in real life.

  After 2 months of being in America, Dan finally felt accustomed. He understood the currency differences, the slight language barrier, and could finally get over the fact that everyone drove on the wrong side of the road. His friends from England hadn't tried to contact him at all, which Dan found immensely irritating. They were all so shocked and surprised when they found out Dan was leaving. Did they just forget about him?

  A couple times, Dan found himself scrolling through twitter to find any explanation as to why they were ignoring him. Nothing. All of their tweets were the same, almost as if normal. Pictures of them at lacrosse practice(something Dan never could partake in anyways), and various threads with all the drama going down. The Dan from six months ago would probably find it all interesting, but now it just seemed like petty fighting. One person bets that he's stronger than the other, etc etc. Compared to American public schools, all-boy schools didn't really have interesting drama.

  Compared to himself from 6 months ago, Dan's tweets have changed erratically. Most of them were responding to his friends' tweets, like when Louise posted a photo of Dan and Phil sleeping up against each other on Pj's couch on Halloween.

 

Louise Pentland (@sprinkleofglitter):

    _Apparently Jack Skellington is too boring for these two? @Amazingphil @danisnotonfire_

 

Phil Lester (@Amazingphil):

   _@sprinkleofglitter @danisnotonfire he's a good pillow tho ^_^_

 

Dan Howell (@danisnotonfire):

  @sprinkleofglitter @Amazingphil  _oi_

  

  And the time that a couple of them went to go see a movie.

 

 _J_ ack _Howard (@jackhoward):_

_Where are @danisnotonfire and @Amazingphil ??_

 

_Jack Howard (@jackhoward) retweeted:_

_We're seeing the new X-men and they just left?_

 

_Jack Howard (@jackhoward) tweeted a photo:_

_They snuck off to play games in the arcade HAHA LOSERS_

And then simpler tweets.

 

_Dan Howell (@danisnotonfire):_

_sad times are when you remember that American cable doesnt broadcast eurovision_

 

_Chris Kendall (@crabsticks):_

_wtf is euro vision_

_Dan Howell (@danisnotonfire):_

_oh honey_

 

_~_

 

_Phil Lester (@Amazingphil):_

_A man just woofed in my ear? I love my job_

 

_Dan Howell (@danisnotonfire):_

_was it the guy in the red shirt? he looked suspiciously woofy_

 

_Phil Lester (@Amazingphil):_

_yeah after I gave him his change he leaned over and woofed at me_

 

_Dan Howell (@danisnotonfire):_

_I'll fight him_

 

_Dean Dobbs  (@Deandobbs):_

_My money's on the woof man_

 

  Maybe his England friends saw that he had a new group of friends and figured he didn't want to acknowledge them anymore, so they backed off? No, Dan thought, they wouldn't care about stuff like that. He decided not to dwell on it, and just move on. If they had, he can as well. 

 

  A couple days into November, another person came to sit at their lunch table. It was about 5 minutes into lunch period, and everyone was already sat down with their food. Chris was bickering with Pj,  while Dean was comparing notes with Cat for their Shakespeare class. Jack was mumbling sex words to Louise, making her squeal and slap his arm. it was no doubt he had a crush on her. She probably liked him too, but neither of them acted on it. And of course, Dan and Phil were engrossed in conversation.

  "You don't even know what feng shui means."

  "Yeah I do. It's when you have all the planets facing north."

  Dan laughed.

  "That's why Kanye West's baby is called North, yeah? feng shui."

  "You're a dork." Dan mused, "I like you."

  Phil smiled bashfully, looking away and blushing. He looked like he was going to say something else, but just then, Felix finally made his way to the table with a girl beside him that Dan thought looked oddly familiar.

  "Hey guys, this is Marzia." Felix said while gesturing to Marzia, who waved politely. Everyone greeted her back, and looked at Felix almost expectantly. Even Marzia raised her eyebrow slightly at him. He had a bashful smile on his face.

  "Is it okay if she sits with us?" Felix finally asked, to which everyone burst into hoots and hollers, inviting them to sit. Felix sat in his normal seat, and Marzia took the seat between him and Phil.

  Of course being the amazing person he is, Phil greeted her warmly.

  "Hi! I'm Phil, and this is Dan, Louise, Jack, Dean, Cat, Chris, and Pj." He pointed everyone out to her and they all waved when they were introduced. Dan silently chuckled at the look Felix gave Phil, for he was supposed to introduce Marzia to everyone. Phil didn't seem to notice.

  "So..." Pj started. "what made Felix decide to bring lovely Marzia home to the family?"

  Felix laughed lightly, but his cheeks were flushed, as well as Marzia's. When he didn't answer, She held up their linked hands that were apparently hidden under the table.

  "I'm his girlfriend now." She said quietly, smiley widely. Every one awed at them. Dan even heard Louise cooing. What he couldn't understand though, was how she looked so familiar. He knew he recognized her from somewhere, but he had no idea where.

  A light elbow in the ribs snapped him out of his mind-boggling funk.

  "Stop staring at her like that." Phil whispered, and luckily no one could hear him besides Dan, due to the conversations rising once again at the table. "It's creepy."

  "Sorry." Dan managed sheepishly. He felt bad about it now, like he was cheating on Phil because he was staring at someone else. Which was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever thought in his life. You can't cheat on someone that you're not even with. Was Phil jealous? He never seemed to snap at Dan like that. No, Dan thought, stop overthinking.

  "I just feel like I know her from somewhere." Dan added, mostly so it didn't seem like he was perving on her, but also just in case Phil was actually jealous.

  "Dan, is it?" Marzia broke the conversation. Both of their heads shot up. Felix was now listening to Chris and Pj very enthusiastically about a game, leaving her to make her own conversations. The thought of her having heard what him and Phil had been discussing ran through Dan's head and he already wanted to throw himself off a cliff.

  "Yeah?"

  "Did you happen to go on summer holiday in Italy a few years back?" 

  Dan gave her a confused look. Was that where he...?

  "Yeah..."

  Her face lit up and she smiled brightly. "My family is Italian, but we live here, so we go back during the summer, and I remember a couple years ago, there was this boy that looked just like you who knocked over one of the breakfast tables in the hotel? And he had to go to the hospital?"

  Dan felt his face heat up at the memory. That was when he was 13, and he was bored on holiday with his parents. He was too lazy to tie his one shoe, so he decided to try flicking the laces up on his feet by kicking his foot in the air several times under the table. In which he kicked it too hard, and sent the table flying(thankfully hurting nothing and no one), yet he also fell out of his chair from the swift impact, and somehow ended up breaking his arm. Essentially, it was karma telling him to stop being a little shit.

  "Eh yeah," Dan coughed, avoiding Phil's inquisitive glance. "That was me. I didn't die."

  "Well, that's good." She chuckled. "It's nice to know you didn't die."

  After that, she turned back to her food, even engaging in the conversation about video games with Felix and the others. Avid game lover, Dan noted. 

  Phil, however, was still smiling promptly at him, raising an eyebrow. Dan rolled his eyes.

  "Not now."

  "Fine. Later, then." Phil waved it off.

  "By later you mean tonight on the phone when I give in to you bugging me about it for an hour?"

  "Shut up, I don't do that!" Phil defended, laughing. His tongue poked out between his teeth through his laughter. Dan was swooning.

  "Do so."

  "Do not."

  "Christ, will you two shut up?" Dean called across the table. Cat raised an eyebrow in their direction as well. "We're tryna study."

  Dan shrugged, flustered.

  "Should've done your homework then, Dean." Phil shot back, and Dan's eyes darted over to him. Phil didn't normally shoot back snarky comments. Dan knew Phil had loads of things running through his head to say, but he always felt bad saying them so he never did. He was also the shyest one in the group.

  Dean just laughed and threw a crumpled ball of notebook paper at him. "You're one to talk."

 

  Of course, Phil begged Dan on the phone later that night to tell him what happened. And he did, begrudgingly.

  "Oh my god." Phil said after Dan finished the story. Dan could hear him giggling over the line. He imagined Phil sitting in his dorky pokemon pajamas, glasses on, his tongue sticking between his teeth, and his eyes crinkling with laughter. He smiled at the image, despite how much he was cringing from reliving the memory.

  "Did you have a cast?" Phil asked after his giggles wore down.

  "For 6 months."

  "I always wished when I was younger that I'd get a cast."

  Dan snorted. "Why?"

  "Well, Alfie Days broke his arm in fifth grade and he got so much attention for it. Everyone wanted to sign his cast, or do his homework and carry his stuff for him. I was jealous." Phil admitted, laughing lightly.

  "Do you still wish that?"

  "Not really. My brother, Martyn, got a hairline fracture in his ankle two summers ago and it was literally hell."

  Dan laughed.

  "I'm never getting him another grilled cheese ever again." 

  Dan laughed more, and he could hear Phil laughing as well. This was what they did. Laughing and joking, or both of them sitting in silence and Dan wishing he was there with him. Even after seeing Phil all day, every day, he still wanted to see him more.

  "I miss you." Dan said before he could tell himself not to. Phil's silence was eery. He mentally punched himself in the face. Was that too far? Was Phil uncomfortable now? The last thing he wanted to do was make Phil feel uncomfortable.

  "Go over to your window." Phil said suddenly. Dan paused.

  "Why?"

  "Just do it."

  Dan rolled his eyes, but still got out of bed and over to his windowsill. Thankfully, the sill was long enough the he could sit on it, uncomfortably, without falling off.

  "Alright. Here."

  "Now look for the moon."

  Dan snorted, yet he looked out the window until his eyes laid upon the moon. It was whole and white as snow, shining in the sky. The sky was also littered with various stars, since it wasn't cloudy. Dan bit his lip.

  "Alright..." He said slowly.

  "Now pretend the moon is me. Like, picture it."

  "You already have a moon face." Dan teased.

  "Shut up." Phil chuckled.

  Dan stared back up at the moon. He could see it. Phil. Sitting in his bedroom. A sudden thought came to mind.

  "Is this what you're doing?"

  "Yeah. I usually like to stargaze and look at the moon by myself, but I found out it's much better when I'm talking to you."

  Dan tried not to focus on his heartbeat quickening and his face heating up.

  "And I mean, we're looking at the same moon."

  "Well duh Phil, we only have one moon."

  "You're ruining the mood."

  "There was a mood?"

  "Yeah, until you ruined it."

  "Sorry."

  Dan sheepishly kept silent, staring back up at the sky. It was eerily peaceful in his bedroom. He knew he was the only one home, let alone the only one awake, and the entire street seemed to be asleep as their lights were off as well. It was just him and Phil, two souls among a world of peaceful bliss and quiet.

  It felt like ages before Phil broke the silence again.

  "I miss you, too."

 

* * *

 

 

  "These reporters are getting out of hand." Dan stated, as he slumped up against the wall, catching his breath. Phil followed suit. They had just ran through the crowd of paparazzi for the day, and immediately ran for the first hallway out of view of the reporters.

  They weren't dwindling in numbers, and they had even gone to shouting questions at Dan like an angry football coach.

   _"DAN ARE YOU AND PHIL IN LOVE?"_

_"DAN HAS ANY EXCITING DRAMA HAPPENED YET?"_

_"DAN DO YOU RESENT YOUR MOTHER FOR BRINGING YOU HERE?"_

_"DAN ARE YOU GAY?"_

The last one aggravated him more than he thought it would. Yeah, Dan definitely wasn't straight, but he wasn't totally gay. And why was it their business to know? Especially if he was with Phil, why did they need to know? Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

  "I mean," Phil started, panting, "I'm honestly just surprised Collins hasn't made them leave yet. He may be waiting for you to come to him."

  "But why? I'm sure it's fairly obvious that I don't want to be shoved to the ground by paparazzi every day."

  "I'm sure your mom could do something to make them go away."

  "No no no." The thought made Dan shudder. "The last thing I need is my rich mother suing the school or various news broadcasting companies."

  Phil shrugged. "I'd go to Collins then." 

  Maybe Phil was right. The only way to solve this would just be taking charge and confronting the only guy who can change it.

 

 

   So, after another morning of having absurd and private questions yelled at him, Dan stormed into the office during lunch period.

  Mrs. Arbury smiled sweetly at him, a bit wide eyed as to how his crazed expression probably looked. He had told Phil to go ahead and go to lunch, after having him promise to save Dan some fries.

  "May I speak to Principal Collins, please?" Dan asked in the most polite tone he could muster. Sure he was brought up to be polite and professional, but it proved quite difficult when his fists were so tightly clenched that he felt his dinky(as Louise calls them) fingernails digging into his palm.

  "Yes of course, please take a seat." Mrs. Arbury said nervously, as she knocked lightly and walked into Collins' office. Dan took a seat in one of the uncomfortable brown waiting chairs, crossing his arms and trying to think of what to say. He hadn't exactly prepared for this, he just knew that this had to stop. How has the Principal let this go on for so long? How has he not tired of those assholes out front? It was ridiculous! Wasn't there a privacy law for schools? Don't interrogate students maybe?

  After a few agonizingly long minutes of Dan stewing over his thoughts, Mrs. Arbury reappeared once again with a bright smile. What would even be better was if Phil was here to smile reassuringly at him. He didn't realize until now how much of an influence Phil has had on him within the past few months. He hadn't really done anything by himself in the school. A twinge of anxiety sparked up his stomach, and he ushered the feeling away. You can do this.

  "Go ahead Dan." She said, gesturing to the door. "You can speak to him."

  Dan nodded and politely thanked her before walking in, and she shut the door behind him. The office was slightly familiar, as he'd only been in here once on his first day. Collins seemed to wear the same expression when he met Dan. Nervous, but acting as if he was calm. Perhaps it was just a normal expression.

  "Mr. Howell, please take a seat." He said, gesturing to the set of chairs in front of his desk. Dan remembered his mother and him sitting in those chairs on his first day. Three months later and he's already here again. He took a seat, vaguely reminded of how uncomfortable they were for his bum.

  "What did you come here to talk about, Daniel?" Collins asked, folding his hands together on his desk. A habit most people with a tendency of shaky hands use to seem calm, Dan noted.

  "Dan." He corrected, and Collins nodded, urging him to continue on. "And I came here to ask about the reporters outside." 

  Collins seemed to falter, letting out an "ahh."

  "The reporters. Yes."

  "Yes," Dan continued. "The reporters who have been taunting and harassing me for like 2 months now?" Dan could feel his hands turning to fists again. He promptly let out a breath, unclenching them. Anger won't help the situation.

  "Isn't there a way we can get them to go away?"

  "Well, Daniel-"

  "Dan."

  "Well Dan," Collins continued, "freedom of press is the first amendment, something they have permission to do, as long as they do not step foot into the school." Dan was confused. Did he realize that Dan was British? That he didn't know how the U.S. Government worked? How was Dan supposed to know the amendments?

  "Are you telling me there's no way we can stop them?" Dan asked incredulousy. 'Because I'm not coming back if there isnt. My mother can afford a boarding school." Dan couldn't keep track of his words. Was he threatening to leave the school? He knows he couldnt do that. His mother would let him, but he couldnt imagine leaving Phil and his friends. He'd rather be catcalled by reporters any day than that.

 Collins seemed to believe his threat, holding his hands up.

  "Woah woah woah, no need to get too irrational. I'm sure I can convince the reporters to leave you alone." He paused.

  "However, I do have a deal for you." He folded his hands together again, and this time he looked more confident and less shaky. Dan had a bad feeling about this.

  "Oh?"

  "Yes." Collins stood up from his chair and walked around to lean against the front of his desk, looking down at Dan. For once, Dan was not taller than someone. Of course he was sitting down, yet with the principal leering over him, he felt vulnerable. He came into the office to demand the reporters go away, and instead he was close to being pressured into some deal he'd probably want no part of.

  "Those reporters are trying to get a story on you, before the school does themself. Mostly, so they can get more publicity being the 'early birds' if you will."

  "Yeah..." Dan wasn't sure where he was going with this.

  "So that means we as a school should have a company do an article on you."

  Dan felt the air leave his lungs. He hated attention. He struggles to handle being the center of attention at the lunch table sometimes. Can you imagine him in an article?

  "It would be completely accurate, and would also portray Mr. Lester as well, seeing as he is your student guide."

  Dan screamed, but it only came out as a breathless "what?"

  "This is beneficial to the both of you, as it will provide Mr. Lester with more things to put on college applications, and for you as well. Of course, we won't do it until atleast after Thanksgiving break. So, I say think about this opportunity, and come talk to me the Tuesday after break. And we will decide whether or not to do the article. As for the reporters, i will make sure they dwindle down over the next few days."

  Dan didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth, awaiting words to come out, but nothing came. So he did the only thing he knew how to do. He promptly closed his mouth again, standing up. He grabbed his bag and walked out the door, without a single goodbye.

  His mind was racing as he made his way to the cafeteria. His chest felt like it was crushing his lungs, and it felt like all of his organs were being twisted and tied into a knot.

  An article? About Dan?

 

  When he got to the lunch table, with 10 minutes left of lunch period, Dan plopped in his seat with a sigh. He instinctively leaned his head on Phil's shoulder, who handed him a can of root beer. Dan's heart fluttered at the fact that Phil had remembered Dan's favorite.

  "I had Marzia complain about having no vegan choices to distract the lunch ladies so I could snag you this."

  Dan suppressed a laugh. "You could've just bought it? I gave you money for it."

  Phil shrugged slightly, careful to not move Dan's head resting on his shoulder. "I felt rebellious."

  "You're such a dork." Dan chuckled, as Phil fumbled round in his pockets and pulled out the bill Dan had given him earlier. Dan waved him off.

  "Keep it. I don't need it." He finally sat fully up in his seat and popped the can open, taking a tentative sip.

  "Mmm." Dan hummed. "Tastes like rebellious tendencies and adrenaline." He pretended to sniff it. "Smells like teen spirit."

  Phil shoved him. "Shut up." He smiled bashfully, his cheeks rosy.

  "So Dan?" another voice broke their conversation up. Dan suddenly noticed that the table had been shockingly quiet the entire time since he sat down. Everyone was watching Dan tentatively, as if waiting for him to say something. Dan raised an eyebrow before it hit him.

  "You told them." He stated, mostly to Phil.

  "Maybe...."

  "Phil!"

  "Sorry!" He squeaked, bringing his hands to his face in embarrassment. "They were going to find out eventually! I thought I mad as well just tell them and get it over with."

  Dan huffed, setting his root beer down at the table.

  "Well?" Pj, the original speaker, went on. They all leaned in slightly, anticipating Dan's answer.

  "Well, the number of reporters will dwindle within the next few days." Dan began. "I made sure of that." He fiddled with his sleeves, purposely avoiding the leering eyes of his friends. Should he tell them about the article? If he kept it to himself and declined the offer, this would easily disappear, and he could just forget about it.

  "That's great!" Phil said cheerily. The others agreed, and Dan felt a pang of guilt for not continuing on. It was just so much easier to keep his mouth shut. That didn't last long, as he caught Louise's glance. She was eyeing him suspiciously.

  "What's the catch?" She spoke up, damn her, bringing the attention back to Dan.

  "Uh...." He trailed off, picking at the tab on his soda can. "Collins may have... offered to do a school issued article on me."

  He felt like he heard a pin drop. Maybe it was just the sound of the tab of the soda can he just picked off.

  "That's so cool!" Chris exclaimed, breaking the momentary silence.

  "Please answer all the questions in only 2012 memes." Dean cut in, and Cat rolled her eyes, hitting him over the head with a paperback copy of Twelfth Night. "Hey! If anything, Shakespeare was a giant meme lord in his time."

  "Is it just you?" Pj asked over Dean's complaints.

  "Well me and Phil."

  Phil choked on his drink, covering his mouth to not let orange soda fly out of his nose. Recovering, he glanced at Dan.

  "Really?"

  "Yeah... but I think I'm gonna tell Collins no." 

  "What?" Chris practically shouted, and seemingly everyone followed suit. Dan sighed. Why did he even say anything? Now he's going to get peer pressured into doing the article because he's a baby. They're all going to pressure him into doing the article or interview or whatever and they don't even get a benefit from it! Why should they care! It's none of their business!

  "Dude you have to do it."

  "None of us will ever get an opportunity like that."

  "Hell, no one at the school has ever gotten an opportunity like that."

  Dan's eyes drifted towards the cafeteria doors. Would it be making a scene if he just got up and left?

  "Guys, leave him alone." A voice suddenly snapped, and all eyes went on Phil, who was gripping the soda can in his hand. He set it down with shaky hands, making sure to not make eye contact with anyone. Dan was even shocked at Phil's outburst. Sure he joined in on normal conversation at the table, but he was never center of attention, let alone snapping at everyone. This was the second time he'd done it, too. Dan raised an eyebrow. There was no way he cared about Dan's dislike of public exposure that much. No way. It had to be something else.

  "If he doesn't want to do it, he doesn't want to do it. Let it the hell alone." Phil finally said, and Pj took this time to truly confirm to Dan of how easygoing of a person he was.

  "Guess who got the lead in the musical this year?" He announced, derailing the conversation and the attention away from Phil. Phil didn't seem to care, he just kept his eyes trained on his soda can.

   Dan reached over slightly to take Phil's hand under the table, squeezing lightly in a form of comfort.

   "Oh my god, did you get it?" Louise squealed.

  Phil's eyes snapped up to Dan, who's eyes were already focused on him. It was impossible to read his expression.

  "No." Pj said, his head drooping, "Carrie and Jon both got the leads."

  Dan dropped Phil's hand.  _Too Far?_

  "Awe, I'm sorry Peej."

  "Is she a senior or something?" Dan focused his attention back on the conversation, picking up his root beer again. "I heard from somewhere that they try to pick seniors for the roles because it's like their last year and all."

  "Well, Carrie is a senior." Cat said, shoving her pen in her copy of Twelfth Night as a temporary bookmark. "But Jon is a Junior, right Peej? Jon Cozart?"

  "Yeah. He's really good, so it makes sense." He shakes his head. "Maybe I'd be better off as stage crew anyways."

  "Everyone loved the set from last year's." Chris added in, leaning over to steal Pj's fries. He let him without a second glance. "You're artsy and cool, Peej. Don't let one role get you down. You can always get next year's."

  Pj smiled, visibly relaxing his shoulders a bit. "Yea, you're right. Thanks guys."

  Dan sipped his root beer, trying not to notice Phil sneaking glances at him out of the corner of his eye.

 

* * *

 

  "Okay ground rules." Phil said, as Dan slid his shoes off. Louise rolled her eyes.

  "I've been here thousands of times, I don't need to know the ground rules."

  "Well it's Dan's first time!"

  "Oi." Dan said. He glanced around Phil's living room. It was very homely, filled with knickknacks and framed photos of him and his family. There was the usual furniture, a worn out red leather couch with some crocheted blankets folded over the back. A simple wood coffee table with horse coasters, as well as some stray magazines and what not. Then there was a television stand and the tv, which looked about 3 years old. This probably seemed normal to Phil's other friends, but Dan couldn't help but feel so overwhelmingly privileged. His mum buys a new tv every year. Their house also seemed scarily empty compared to Phil's. Sure it could be because of the move and the stuff they left behind, but even in England, their house was less cluttered than Phil's. Or Pj's. Maybe it's a rich thing. You just don't spend money? Nah, that doesn't make sense.

  "So I have to go over the ground rules, or else my mom will. And you remember the last time she did that, yeah?" Phil was wearing pajamas already, the nerd. His star wars pajama pants and a light grey shirt splattered with various different paints. It must be some kind of work shirt. He was also in his green and black slipper socks, which were probably the cutest and maybe the most comfortable thing in the world? Phil said once that they were the 'epitome of soft' and Dan had to hold back his coos. 

  Louise groaned. "Yes. None of us want that."

  "What happened the last time?" Dan asked curiously. Phil sighed.

  "I'm the first and only girl Phil has ever had over, but his mom thought we were... you know." Louise started. "And so she made us promise not to do anything weird, and it was probably the most uncomfortable 15 minutes of my life."

  "Yeah, well that was a while ago." Phil cut in. "And I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to have that talk because Dan is here now."

  Dan blushed. Why would she? Did she think that Dan was going to try and get in her son's pants? "Am I the only other person you've invited over?"

  "Well, for the night. Everyone's been over for video games and studying and stuff, but no one's ever really stayed the night besides Louise."

  "Well, that's because everyone thinks that Martyn will prank them when they fall asleep."

  "He won't!" Phil defended, laughing.

  "Well even if he does," Louise imitates karate movements with her hands. "I'll body slam his ass." They all laughed, Dan too, and Phil waved his arms about.

  "Alright alright. Rule 1, no funky business. Rule 2, eat and drink whatever you want. My mom will tell you this every time she sees you. Take whatever you want. Also, if she offers you food, take it. Even if you're not hungry or thirsty. I swear she's like the witch from Hansel and Gretel." Phil pauses, giggling at his own joke. "She'll try to fatten you up."

  "She's not gonna eat us though, right?" Dan asked, momentarily chuckling. "Cause I mean, it's not that I don't absolutely love the image of your family gobbling us up like Christmas dinner, I just have that presentation for History on Monday." Phil laughed, and Dan smiled. He was making Phil laugh! "Can't miss it."

  "Well in that case, we'll wait another week." Phil answered, and Louise rolled her eyes walking past him with her bag.

  "Come on losers, I'm ready to gossip about boys and listen to Dan cry over his hair." She called.

  "I do NOT do that!" Dan whined, but let Phil drag him to catch up with Louise going up the stairs. Dan barely caught a glance at the rest of Phil's house on his way. He couldn't explain his excitement. He's never been in Phil's house before, yeah, but he wasn't this excited about spending the night at Pj's house. This slumber party (as Louise called it) seemed more exclusive and intimate than the Halloween at Pj's. He wasn't embarrassed to be around his friends, at least not anymore, yet spending the night with too many people seemed overwhelming. And if Dan said something stupid or secret, he knew Phil and Louise wouldn't hold it against him.

  He caught himself giggling as they all jumbled up the stairs and Louise threw open the door to Phil's room, immediately dropping her bag and collapsing on a green bean bag. Phil moved to close his door behind them and then practically tripped over Louise's bag.

  "Lou!" He whined, picking her bag up and tossing it to her. "You know I'll trip on anything and everything."

  She caught it with ease, laughing. "Then why is your room such a wreck?" She shook her head, picking up a book off the floor that.... wasn't in the best condition. "Is this the copy of _The Golden Compass_  I let you borrow a few months ago?" Phil mumbled something and snagged the book away from her, setting it on what Dan presumed was his desk, but it was so covered in books and notebooks and paper and writing utensils, that Dan was pretty sure it could just as easily be a random end table.

  "Messy tyke." Louise said, shaking her head. Dan glanced around the room.

  There wasn't much in the room furniture-wise. Phil had a bed, a bedside table, a desk, a bookshelf, and a wobbly looking table with a large box tv settled on it, a Wii balanced on top. The ceiling was littered with glow in the dark stars and moons, and the walls were absolutely covered with posters and flags and tapestries of some sort. To the point where Dan wouldn't even know the color of his room if he only looked at the walls. He eyed a certain Fall Out Boy poster, and  Panic! At The Disco's "The Gospel Tour" poster. There were others as well like the periodic table, whale facts, and a map of the world with little blue star stickers stuck on different places. Most of them were on different places in North America, but he had marked places like Japan, Australia, France, Italy, and London. Dan's stomach leaped into his throat.

  "Phil?" He asked.

  "Hm?"

  "Why's the sticker on London a different color?"

  "What? Oh yeah, I ran out of blue stars. Maybe that means I'll go there first."

  Dan smiled at that, staying faced towards the map just in case he was blushing.

  "Funny." Louise mumbled from beside him. When did she get over here? "I never saw that one there before." Dan's breath caught in his throat. Phil put it there recently?

 

  The first hour was spent with Louise nagging Phil about his messy room, and Dan sitting awkwardly on his bed. But after then, Dan felt himself relax. It wasn't long before he was hanging upside down off the edge of Phil's bed, combing through his fringe with his fingers as it hang limp.

  "If I died my hair a strange color, what would it be?" He suddenly asked. Phil momentarily stopped playing with the Jigglypuff stress ball in his hands and looked up to the ceiling to ponder. Louise gasped.

  "Are you thinking of dyeing you hair? You should totally do it!" She squealed.

  Dan let his arm flop to the floor. "Come now, Lou, we all know no one can pull off pink ends like you."

  "That is agreeable but so?" She continued, moving from where she was sitting over to Dan. "You could definitely work some red."

  "You think?"

  "Totally!" She momentarily combed her fingers through his fringe. "Or maybe some bl- holy shit your hair is soft."

  Dan laughed. "What?"

  "Phil! Come touch Dan's hair." She continued to comb her fingers through his hair and play with his fringe. What is going on?

  Phil, curious boy, crawled over and did the same.

  "Wow. It really is soft. And fluffy."

  Louise laughed. "Dan, have you shut your eyes?"

  Dan let out a nervous giggle, reopening one eye to look at them. It was a strange sight, seeing your friends petting your head upside down. "What? It's comfortable."

  Louise sat back for a moment to laugh, letting Phil take over. Dan shut his eyes again and held back an instinctive purr at the feeling of Phil's slender fingers roaming his head. Behind his eyelids, he felt something shadow the light in the room. Opening his eyes, he saw Phil's face full in front of him, and much closer than Louise was. Phil caught his eye and smiled down at him. Dan returned it. His face and his chest felt warm and tingly, and his stomach was doing somersaults. He opened his mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by Phil sneezing.

  "PHIILLLL!" Dan whined, rolling over and sitting up on the bed, wiping Phil DNA off of his face.

  "Sorry s-orry!" Phil apologized, muffled by laughter.

  "You sneezed in my literal mouth!" Dan turned to him, and Phil was in a full state of the giggles, his tongue poking out his teeth. Louise was snickering as well.

  "The best thing to see up close is someone's sneeze face." She remarked, biting her lip to hide the smile. Phil shook his head, shoving her slightly.

  "No!" He whined. "Shut up!"

  "Honestly, that was the last way I ever thought that we'd share saliva." Dan said, rubbing his face with his sleeves. Looking up, he noticed Phil's face was crimson red, and Louise was giving Dan an incredulous look, biting back a smile. What happened? What did he do?

  "What?"

  Phil and Louise shared a look before shaking their heads, giggling. Dan was confused. He watched as Phil stood up and made his way over to the tv, and grabbed two Wii remotes. He tossed Dan one, who barely caught it.

  "Ready to get your butt kicked at Mario Kart?" He said, and whatever seemed to have happen, has been dropped.

  "You're the one who's gonna get their butt kicked." Dan said, moving to sit on the floor in front of the bed to better see the screen. Louise moved to sit on the bed, and Phil plopped down beside Dan, fiddling with the Wii menu.

  "Oh yeah?" He started. "I'm gonna totally win this.... beast." He faltered. Dan laughed.

  "Wow, can't handle Phil's fighting talk." He composed himself and then proceeded to mimic Phil's voice.

  " **I'm totally gonna win this**." 

  Phil shoved him, giggling. "Shut up! I don't sound like that."

  "You so do." Dan teased.

  "Do not!"

  "Do so."

  "Do not!"

  "For the love of god you two, shut up and play the game before I duct tape you two together until you apologize." Louise mumbled. She was laying on her back on the bed, with her head wedged between both Dan and Phil's, and she had her phone out, probably scrolling through twitter.

 

  Despite the words exchanged, it was 2 rounds later and Phil was annihilating him. Dan whined as his character, Toad, fell of the track.

  "Fuck!" He screamed, respawning on the track in fifth place. Phil was in second. "Fuck... my....ass!" He continued, leaning forward, and he heard Phil giggle beside him.

  "God." Louise said. "You mom is so gonna think we're having a threesome in here-"

  "Yes!"

  "No!"

  Phil cheered, pumping his fists in the air. He grinned at Dan, who was sat seething at him, smiling like an idiot and letting the controller fall from his hands. He looked at Phil. He was so happy and full of pride. His eyes lit up, his cheeks rosy and prominent as he smiled that pearl white smile. God, Dan could melt. Louise's voice from a few weeks back drifted to his mind.

   _"Imagine if you were with someone mildly attractive and they were kicking your ass at a video game."_

Phil lowered his hands, the cocky I-Won-smile fading into his normal and adorable small smirk.

   _"How would that not be hot?"_

"Round three?" Phil offered, his voice low and quiet, like they were sharing a secret. And it had just occurred now to Dan how close they were. He could count the light freckles lining Phil's nose and under his eyes.

  "You're on."

 

 

 

   Sooner or later, Louise had fully fallen asleep on Phil's bed. It seemed like maybe only a half hour had passed, but when Dan looked at the clock and saw how late it was, he realized how sleepy he actually was. Yawning into his hand and stretching, he turned to Phil, who seemed to have the same epiphany.

  "Do you mind sleeping on the floor?" Phil mumbled, his voice mellowed out by another coming yawn.

  "Yeah, I don't think either of us want to crawl into your tiny bed next to her." Dan answered back, and he was suddenly glad that he had already put pajamas on.

  "You're sleepy and yet that doesn't stop you from being sarcastic." Phil noted, smiling in amusement as he switched the tv off and stood up, properly stretching. Dan moved to stand up as well.

   "Sorry, I can hold back on being a little shit if you want." He shrugged. Phil promptly shook his head and put his hands on Dan's shoulders. They were close. Really close. And no one was around to unknowingly stop them from doing anything. Well, Louise was there, but she was rendered unconscious, which doesn't count. They could get away with it. Dan could get away with it.

  "No!" Phil said. "You're sarcastic and funny and adorable." Dan blushed. Adorable? "And I wouldn't change it for the world."

  Dan could so get away with it.

  If only he had the courage.

  "I'm gonna go brush my teeth real quick." He said, and promptly grabbed his toothbrush from his bag and headed to the bathroom. As soon as he reached the bathroom -that was only one door down- and shut the door, he felt his heart beat once again steady out. Why did Phil have such a huge effect on him like this? Was Dan going crazy?

  He pondered this, brushing his teeth. He noticed the container of dental floss in the cabinet and his mind began to reel. What a fucking nerd. Who needs 200 meters of floss? Not to mention the little green P sticker on it. God, why was that so cute? Did this boy purposely do cute things to brainwash people? Is this some government conspiracy? Those cheekbones are too good to be true.

  When he got back to the room, Phil had already set out blankets and pillows, and Dan tried not to blush at the fact that they were set side-by-side. In hindsight, it made sense. It was the only real space on Phil's floor that was actually cleared out enough for people to sit, let alone sleep. God, he really was messy.

  "You know," Dan said, alerting Phil to his presence. "someday i'm gonna come over here and clean your room for you."

  Phil, who had somehow already taken his contacts out and had his glasses on, shook his head. "I hate when other people clean my room. They put everything in the wrong spot."

  "Fine." Dan continued, sitting down next to him and crawling under the nearest blanket, and man was he grateful that he picked that one. It was soft as hell. "Then I'll convince you to do it yourself, and I'll supervise you."

  Phil rolled his eyes, a hint of a smile forming on his face. "Good luck with that." He paused. "Can I turn off the light?"

  "No." Dan rolled his eyes, speaking flatly. "I will totally fall asleep with your annoying light blinding me in the face."

  Phil laughed as he stood up, making his way over to the light switch and then it was dark. Not entirely dark though, as Dan's assumption about the stars and moons on Phil's ceiling was true. The glimmered in the dark and Dan stared up at them as Phil laid back down and got comfortable. Momentarily, he listens as Phil takes his glasses off and sets them aside, settling down.

  "Are you comfortable?" Phil asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

  No.

  "Yes."

  "Let me know if you want anything."

  Your arms around me.

  "Okay."

  They were both laid out on their backs, facing the ceiling. Despite the glowing universe up there, It was completely dark in the room. And quiet. He could hear Phil breathing softly. Had he fallen asleep already?

  "I want to go see the stars some day." He said suddenly. Well, he wasn't asleep. Dan turned to him in the darkness. He could barely make out the silhouette of Phil's face in the dark, but it didn't matter. He knew every aspect of Phil's face from his lightly colored eyes, to his curved chin.

  I'll take you to the stars.

  "You're a dork."

  Phil breathed out a laugh, and Dan smiled, at ease. Laying so close together, Dan could feel the warmth radiating off of Phil and smell his shampoo.

  Cinnamon and Pine.

  Their hands were laying just inches apart between them on the floor. The electricity produced in the air was unbearable. He felt like he had to do something. It took probably five minutes and all of Dan's courage to move his hand the slightest inch towards Phil's under the blankets. It was still too far. Holding in his breath, Dan contemplated whether this feeling was endearing, or borderline selfish.

  With another inhale and shutting his eyes out of nervous fear, he reached his fingers the rest of the way to Phil's, ever so lightly. His heart was pounding in his chest, as he reopened his eyes to the dark. What was he doing? What if this one move changed everything and Phil decided he didn't want to be friends with Dan anymore, and then he couldn't sit at the lunch table anymore and then he'd lose all of his new friends completely, and he'd be more alone than ever. Phil hadn't moved. In fact, Dan couldn't even hear him breath anymore. Maybe he just couldn't hear anything over the screaming in his head.

  This was insane! Why did he ever think it was okay to do this? Is Phil even awake and aware of Dan trying to hold his hand? What if he had already fallen asleep! That means he gives no consent to hand holding! Maybe Dan should retract his hand.

  Dan held back a gasp of surprise when he felt Phil's fingers fully interlocking with his. He let out a breath of relief. Why was had his face gone so hot?

  It's silent for a while. Their hands rested together, intertwined. They were holding hands. Was is weird? It didn't feel weird. Dan's hand started to sweat and he panicked. It was hard to tell if it was from his recent anxieties or from the shared heat between them. But that doesn't matter. No one wants to hold a sweaty hand!

  As always, just as Dan is about pull back and build his personal barrier up again, Phil diminishes the thought with a single action.

  He felt the pad of Phil's thumb rub lightly against his hand. He couldn't help his smile. Thank god it was dark. He was probably tomato red from blushing.

  And he swore over everything he owned, that he could hear Phil smile in the dark as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *checks time* It's still Sunday, technically. I swear, it takes longer to go through and check for spelling and grammar errors than it does to actually write out the chapters.  
> Thank you for reading! Leave a kudos and a comment! It's literally all that keeps me going! If there's a cameo you wanna see from a certain youtuber, let me know!


	6. the poster boy for gay kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan still kept his curious gaze to Phil, who refused to return his eye. What was up with him? Why did he refuse to give his opinion when the topic of doing the article came up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: this is entirely fiction. This is not how Dan, Phil, or any of these characters act in real life.

The reporters did eventually wind down over the next week. It took a few days, but then Dan started seeing less camera flashes, and didn't hear as many questions shouted at him. By the end of the following week, Dan and Phil were officially able to walk into the school at a normal pace with ease, and without taking a minute to let their eyes adjust to the regular school building lighting.

 "Well, I can say it definitely feels better not having to sprint into school every morning." Phil said one morning, as they walked to Dan's locker. He swept his fringe out of his eyes. "Although, I think I was starting to grow some leg muscle from that."

 "Oh no!" Dan exclaimed dramatically. "When will Phil ever find an excuse to exercise again?" That earned a light shove from the boy beside him.

 "You're one to talk! You can't even walk up the east end stairs to History without having to stop and catch your breath." Dan suppressed a chuckle, adjusting the bag on his shoulder.

 "Yeah, you guys really need to invest in some elevators. I'm not some kind of animal."

 Phil giggled, and Dan had to look at his feet to hide his smile. Phil's laugh was a drug, and Dan was absolutely hooked. Every moment he got, he would try to make Phil laugh. It was extremely easy as well, seeing as the boy sometimes even laughed at things not even really funny. He was so giggly. Dan wanted to record his laugh one day and set it as his ringtone.

 Dan couldn’t describe his feelings towards Phil. He knew that his intentions weren’t as innocent as just friends, but the thought of Phil and him together? As boyfriends? It was like a far off dream. Something that only happens in rom-coms, or those shitty movies you find in the LGBT section on Netflix. Yeah, Dan wasn’t straight. The giddy sensation he got when Phil touched him or even smiled at him was proof enough of that. He couldn’t even count how many times he’s laid in his bed at the dead of night, thinking solely of Phil’s lips. And perhaps, what they would feel like on his own. And then he’d awaken the next morning and feel guilty for thinking of his friend in that way. There was no guarantee that Phil felt the same. Hell, there wasn’t a guarantee that Phil would even want to stay friends if he found out. Something in the back of his head kept trying to convince him that Phil’s intentions were entirely friendly. His smiles were friendly. Closely walking next to Dan in the halls was just so he wouldn’t get trampled by the other students rushing through in between periods. Defending him at the lunch table was something a friend would do. His soft gazes that Dan caught from the corner of his eye were completely innocent. His arm gently holding Dan close when watching Alien Vs. Predator at Pj’s house surely meant nothing. His accepting hand when Dan reached out to him, both laid on Phil’s floor in utter darkness. That was purely friendship, right?

 Lost in thought, Dan took a second to realize when Phil leant over to take Dan’s hand in his own, as they walked down the hall. His heart leapt into his throat. Surely these were gestures of romantic intentions. It seemed so obvious. He had only been here for so long, but he could already tell that Phil treated him differently than their friends. He acted differently around Dan. He wasn’t afraid to blurt out those silly thoughts running through his head, or rattle off goose facts like it was part of his religion. He was goofy and loud and talked freely, and Dan ate up every word of it. God, he was so smitten.

 “What?” Phil asked, and Dan realized that he had been properly staring at Phil for practically his entire inner monologue. Their hands were still linked together, and Phil squeezed his hand lightly. He almost went to pinch himself. This wasn’t a daydream. They were walking the halls, hands linked, staring into each other’s eyes and smiling like idiots. This was a low budget movie director’s wet dream. Phil’s eyes shined from the school’s crappy LED lights on the ceiling. Dan could accomplish anything in the world, if he just woke up to those eyes first thing in the morning.

 “Nothing.” He answered softly. Smiling bashfully down at his shoes. They were not in the best condition anymore. The zippers tended to unzip themselves throughout the day, and the lightest grey spots have been covered with dirt. Two or three months go buy and his shoes make it seem as if it’s been a lifetime. “Just thinking.”

 “That’s dangerous.” Phil mumbles back, and when Dan looks up, he’s grinning. Dan grins as well.

 “Oi.” Dan shoves his shoulder into Phil’s, bumping him a little. Their hands stay connected as Phil laughs, his tongue poking out between his teeth. “Actually shut up.”

 “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Phil claims, leaning towards Dan. Their shoulders touch and Dan has to roll his eyes, pretending to be annoyed, to avoid his obvious blush. “Thinking is beautiful.” Phil continues, “And I love your thinking face.”

 Dan laughed. “My thinking face? Do I look constipated or something?”

 “No!” Phil laughed, sighing in exasperation. “You look like some greek philosopher. Like Plato. Or Da Vinci.”

 “Wasn’t Da Vinci a renaissance artist?” Dan asked, bemused.

 “Eh, maybe.” Phil blushed. “He was still rad, though.”

 “Are you saying I’m rad?”

 “Yes.” Phil smiled humbly. “You, Dan Howell, are one rad dude.”

 “Awe, I’m flattered, Phil.” Dan touched his free hand to his chest, in a mock way. Phil rolled his eyes. And went to turn in the direction towards the east end stairs to first period History. “Wait.” Dan said, stopping. Phil promptly stopped as well, brief confusion present on his face. “Need my textbook.” Dan mumbled, as he turned his way towards the lockers. He heard Phil grumble from beside him.

 “Can’t you just meet me back in class?” Phil whined. “I don’t want Finn Harries taking my damn seat again.”

 “Shut up, Finn always takes the seat next to Joe.” Dan protested. “And anyways,” He smiled lopsidedly over at Phil, “You’ll miss me too much.”

 “We’d be apart less than five minutes.” Phil said flatly.

 “I know. You’re so attached to me.” Dan cheekily bumped their shoulders again, earning a smile from Phil. He immediately tried to hide it, acting serious.

 “Am not.”

 Dan hummed. “Keep telling yourself that, Philly.” Upon reaching his locker, Dan promptly made no attempt at opening it. Instead, he leaned against one of the neighboring lockers, letting go of Phil’s hand. Phil sighed.

 “Am I really opening the locker for you?” He complained. “You’ve been opening it by yourself for weeks.”

 “I like when you do stuff for me.” Dan shrugged. Phil shook his head, chuckling, and turned to Dan’s locker, fiddling with the padlock.

 “I feel like your boy toy.” He mumbled, jiggling the dial on the lock around. Dan tried not to blush, glancing at leering passerby.

 “Maybe you _are_ my boy toy.”

 A deep throated giggle erupted from Phil’s throat, and Dan was sure that anyone who saw them could clearly see Dan’s heart eyes.

 “If that’s the case, I’m so forming a union.”

 “A union?”

 “Yeah.” Phil popped the lock off, a small triumphant smile forming at his lips. The image made Dan’s head swim. God, he was so adorable. Phil glanced back at Dan, opening the locker. “A boy toy union.”

 Dan didn’t even have time to react, as a slip of paper fell out of the opened locker, floating to the floor. Dan involuntarily sighed, leaning down to pick it up.

 “What’s that?”

 “Nothing.” Dan mumbled, going to shove it in his bag. The last thing he wanted was for Phil to know of this weird crush someone had on him. Unfortunately, Phil and the entire universe were against him, as he snatched the note from Dan’s hands. “Phil!” Dan whined. “Seriously, it’s nothing.” He insisted, as Phil unfolded it. Dan grumbled, reaching into his locker to pull out his history textbook.

 “Wow, this person thinks highly of your freckles.” Phil muttered, and Dan closed his locker, securing the padlock into place.

 “I have freckles?” Dan asked, turning back to Phil. Phil didn’t answer. His silence was eerie, and his expression was unreadable. Dan couldn’t help but feel nervous.

 “How long have you been getting these?” Phil asked, his voice quiet. Dan shuffled his feet.

 “Like, a month?” Dan thought for a moment. “It started early October, and I get them every couple of days. I’ve given up on reading them, though. I don’t really care for it. Whoever is writing them will get the hint eventually.”

 Phil finally looked up to Dan, and he looked surprisingly nervous. And scared. And jealous. He looked a mix of all emotions. But most of all, he looked like he knew something that Dan didn’t.

 “What?” Dan asked. “What is it?”

 “Dan,” he began, glancing back down at the note. “This is Cat’s handwriting.”

 Dan blinked. What?

 “She-She puts the dot far above her i’s, and her letters never link together. Look.” Phil showed Dan the note, pointing the the writing. Yeah, he noticed the writing was different, but how was he supposed to know that it was Cat’s? He’s never seen Cat’s handwriting. He’s never even really paid much attention to Cat. Now he felt bad.

 “Wait wait wait.” Dan put a hand up to pause Phil. “Are you telling me that Cat has a crush on me?”

 “Well, I don’t know but it sure seems like it.” Phil sighed, handing the note back to Dan, and turning on his heel towards the direction of History. “I guess it makes sense, though. Pj said she’s always gawking at you across the lunch table. Come on, or we’ll be late.”

 “Pj said that?” Dan asked. Phil started walking, so Dan shoved the note in his bag and hurried to catch up. “When? And when does she gawk at me?” He couldn’t help but feel violated. Cat was a nice, sweet girl. But not knowing that he’s been gawked at felt personal and boundary crossing.

 “I don’t know.” Phil continued, and Dan felt a pang of guilt at how flat his voice was compared to fifteen minutes ago. He stared at him longingly as they walked. Somehow, whatever mood they had going on, has been fully diminished. “Maybe you should go talk to her.” Dan scoffed.

 “You think I should go and tell her to her face that I don’t fancy her, and I probably never will?”

 Phil paused. “I thought you _did_ like her?”

 “No.” Dan said, and bravely reached to take Phil’s hand in his own, swinging them as they bounded up the stairs together. “I absolutely do _not_ have feelings for Cat, at all.”

 There was a long pause before Phil spoke again, his overall expression and attitude back to normal. “Well good.” He said, looking up at Dan to his right. “Because she’s been known to be clingy with her boyfriends.”

 Dan shrugged, smiling softly at him. “I’m okay with clingy.” Phil frowned slightly, to which he quickly added “She isn’t really my type, though.”

 Phil raised an eyebrow, nodding thoughtfully as they entered the classroom. Their linked hands dropped before anyone could really notice, and they promptly took their usual seats. On opposite sides of the class.

 Dan’s seat was fortunately beside the singular large window in the room. Fortunate for his procrastination, unfortunate for his History grade. American history was boring anyways. He declared this within the first week of attending the school, and he still stands by it. Although, what with Thanksgiving right around the corner, it was nice to learn why exactly Americans celebrated the holiday. Or even created it. Thanksgiving was next week, and Dan wasn’t sure how he felt about it. They got off the day before, and the day after, as it would be “Black Friday”. Although despite how _totally interesting_ the first thirteen colonies are, Dan found himself staring out the window.

 Staring out the window back at his old school in England, Pureford Preparatory School for Boys (or Pureford Prep for short because let’s face it, that’s an unnecessary mouthful), looking out the windows seemed the perfect way to daydream. Yet here in America with the lush land and shining sun, it was as if he was staring straight into another dimension. Everything was so bright and beautiful. So, was it really a surprise when his thoughts drove to Phil again?

 Frankly, he couldn’t think of anything other than Phil these past few weeks. He seemed to occupy all of his thoughts. Not that Dan was complaining. It was certainly a new feeling. He’d never felt so connected to someone. Perhaps this was what a best friend was? He’d never had a best friend before. He’s had friends, sure, but no one that he really felt close to. He liked to hang out with his friends, but eventually his introverted mind would declare when enough was enough, and he’d opt out of outgoings with the others. He had started doing the same here, once Phil’s friends eventually became Dan’s friends as well. Yet, when he opted out of group plans, he still had an overwhelming urge to talk to Phil. Even if it was about nothing. Or even if they didn’t talk. There were countless times when Dan would watch Phil work at his job, sitting at the small bench from across the kiosk. Sipping his strawberry lemonade that Phil had scribbled a heart on instead of Dan’s name, and he’d blush fervently whenever Phil made eye contact and winked at him before moving onto the next customer. His stomach did triple backwards flips whenever Phil winked at him. His heart clenched when Phil smiled. And when Phil intertwined their fingers together while Dan spoke of his day he felt an unexplainable warmth spread through his entire chest, extending to his limbs. He’d smile bashfully, suddenly stuttering over his words, as he tried not to focus solely on their linked hands resting against the polished wood of the bench. And when Phil’s thumb rubbed lightly over his hand, he’d quietly sip his drink, his cheeks ablaze and his head swimming. Phil made his palms sweaty and his knees weak.

 Pj had said something about his and Phil’s relationship once. Just a few days ago, actually, catching Dan in between classes on his way to AP Art History. At first he had just said a quick hello, then after realizing they were going the same way, started up some conversation.

 “Where you headed, then?”

 “French.”

 “You take French?”

 “Possibly starting in January. Mrs. Lincoln thinks I’d do well.” Dan suddenly realized his vagueness and soon added “I’m just ghosting the class today. Free period and all.”

 “Oh.” Pj arranged his books more comfortably under his arm. “And what is your opinion on it, then?” He looked a smidge concerned, and Dan had to contain his laugh. He could be such a mum sometimes.

 “Might be fun. As fun as school can be I guess.” He said. Pj shrugged in response, laughing along. “It’ll be my first class without Phil, so that’s a bit strange.” Pj’s expression shifted more into a sly grin, and he raised an eyebrow to Dan.

 “Speaking of Phil…”

 “Yeah?”

 “What’s going on with you two, then?”

 “What d’you mean?” Dan looked at his shoes in an attempt to hide his probably visible blush.

 “Well you both get along real well…” Pj started.

 “I’m sure all of us in the group do.”

 “Yeah but I mean, you both are really close, ya know?”

 “Well, he _is_ my student guide.”

 They came to an abrupt stop, and Dan assumed this was Pj’s class.

 “Listen I don’t want to pry.” He started, stopping in the door frame, and turning back to face Dan. “But I’m pretty sure anyone who’s just your student guide, or in some cases, just your friend, doesn’t hold your hand and blush when he makes you laugh.” Pj smiled sympathetically at Dan’s expression, and stepped a bit closer, his voice quieter.

 “No one here will ever judge you. Prejudice is just ignorance, Dan. We all want you two to be happy. You make him happy. And I know he makes you happy as well.” Pj pulled back, and clapped a hand on Dan’s shoulder. Dan smiled lightly, as a form of thanks.

 “Besides,” He continued, letting his hand fall from Dan’s shoulder respectfully. “There’s so many closeted students here, just waiting for a sign to tell them to come out. You both could really help them.”

 Dan rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t want to be the poster boy for gay kids.”

 “You wouldn’t.” Pj insisted, a slight grin curling at his mouth. “But when one person rises among the others to achieve greatness, they will eventually follow.”

 “I feel like that’s a quote of some kind.”

 “Yeah it’s mine.” Pj stuck his tongue out at him. “Copyrighted by Pj Liguori, circa now.” Dan had laughed and waved him off, continuing his way down the hall until he had found the French class.

 Thinking of Pj’s words now, Dan knew he was right. Despite the unwanted attention he’d get, if Dan came out, so many other students would eventually do so as well. But what would he even come out as? Questioning? Unknown but has the hots for a certain Phil Lester? Suddenly his pocket vibrated. Glancing at the teacher, who had her back to the class, Dan decided it was okay to check it. Subtly pulling his phone out and holding it under his desk, Dan saw he had a new text message.

 

  **Phil**

  **Whatchya thinkin bout? :p**

 

_Dan_

_Nothing_

 

**Phil**

**Come on now… I can practically see the smoke coming out your ears**

 

_Dan_

_oi_

 

**Phil**

**…… Thinking about Cat?**

 

_Dan_

_Why would i be thinking about Cat?_

 

**Phil**

**The letters?**

 

_Dan_

_Ohhhhh right. Tbh I forgot about it_

 

  **Phil**

**What were you thinking about then?**

 

  _Dan_

_Wouldn’t you like to know….._

 

**Phil**

**Someone cute?**

 

_Dan_

_Who said it was someone?_

 

**Phil**

**You were smiling. Unless you’re thinking about food, i’m guessing it’s a someone**

 

_Dan_

_Well if you must know, yes it was a someone_

 

**Phil**

**Do I know them?**

 

  _Dan_

_Technically yes_

 

  **Phil**

**Oooo how mysterious**

 

 “Dan?” The voice of the teacher brought his attention away from the texting. Shit. Did he ask him something?

 “Yes?”

 “What do you recall were the three things George Washington told America in his Farewell Address?”

 Dan paused for a moment. He just read the chapter on this last night. “Uh well, he warned against Foreign affairs and the political parties system. And he….” Dan hesitated, the eyes of the room all on him. Not really, though. Most of the class were messing off or copying notes from the board. The teacher raised an eyebrow impatiently. “He also stressed the importance of religion?” Dan answered in more of a question than a statement, but the teacher nodded anyways.

 “Exactly! He strongly warned the U.S. to stay out of Foreign affairs. Meaning making no deals or forming any permanent alliances with foreign countries. He also warned everyone about the expectant downfall to the party system created, and strongly encouraged the importance of religion. Which leads us straight into the inauguration of Andrew Jackson, who some would say was the worst president.” Dan sighed in relief as the teacher had finally moved on from him. The phone in his hands vibrated again.

 

  **Phil**

**Is there a sign outside that gives you all the answers?**

 

  _Dan_

_Yes. It’s a lovely old woman who walks her obese pug every morning._

 

**Phil**

**I love Penelope the pug! Pugs are so cute**

 

  _Dan [DRAFT]_

_You’re cute_

  


* * *

 

 

 “Wait, you’re going out of state?” Pj asked, shocked. It was lunch, two days before Thanksgiving break, and everyone was sharing their Thanksgiving plans. Dan somehow felt out of the loop.

 “Yeah, my aunt broke her leg over the summer, so she kinda can’t travel down like she normally does.” Chris said, struggling to open his milk carton. Pj silently took it and opened it for him, shock still present on his face. “And my mom insists that she can’t spend christmas alone, so we’re all driving up there to be with her. She’s always wanted to cook for Thanksgiving anyways. I think mom is kind of glad she doesn’t have to for once.”

 Pj nodded slowly, looking a bit more glum. “Are you staying up there the whole weekend?” Chris nodded. “We’ll miss our annual tradition.”

 “Oh christ, not this again.” Louise mumbled.

 “Tradition?” Dan asked curiously. He tentatively picked up his can of rootbeer with his free hand. His other hand was currently holding Phil’s under the table. It’d become a habit. Dan wasn’t sure if anyone noticed. If they did, they didn’t say anything about it.

 Louise groaned. “They have this dumb tradition for Black Friday.” Upon realizing how vague Louise had been, Pj spoke up.

 “One year it snowed during Thanksgiving. So the next day, Chris and I ended up throwing snowballs at some of the Black Friday shoppers and we never really got caught, as the people were too busy hauling ass to get TVs or whatever.” Pj paused, smiling down at his hands. Dan almost thought he was blushing. Chris however, had no problem picking up for him.

 “It was so much fun. So we made a vow to do the same the next year. But, it didn’t snow at Thanksgiving the next year, so we tried to find different ways to mess with the shoppers. Without getting caught, of course. After a while, we gave up. We each got a slushy, and sat down at that one bench by the Best Buy parking lot, and just watched the shoppers.” Chris smiled over at Pj, whose head was low, but you could tell he was smiling back. “So then it became tradition! We meet up at that bench at quarter till midnight on Thanksgiving, and watch the shoppers go mad.”

 Pj perked his head back up. “It’s fun. But now I’ll have to sit and watch them fight over Iphones by myself.” He pouted.

 “Yeah, and I’ll have to listen to my Aunt Nancy nag me about whatever it is I’m not doing right in life.” Chris said, groaning. “I’ll send you snaps of me crying.”

 “I’ll send you snaps of fights.”

 “You really know how to cheer a guy up, don’t ya peej?” Pj shrugged, his cheeks cherry red. Dan and Phil glanced at each other knowingly, and Phil lightly squeezed his hand. The table flowed the conversation back to the topic of Thanksgiving plans, and Dan took this time to pluck up the courage and stroke his thumb over Phil’s hand. He noticed Phil’s face turn a rosy shade out of the corner of his eye, and they both turned to each other at the same time to catch the other’s glance. The both eased into smiles, keeping the eye contact.

 Meanwhile, conversation at the table was still directed towards Thanksgiving. Cat and her family were volunteering at the homeless shelter to provide a free holiday meal for the homeless, or frankly whoever showed up. Apparently it was a family tradition ever since her mom was in her early twenties. Her mom had been homeless for close to two years, until a nice woman came up and offered her to pay for a hotel room for her, as well as some clothes and food, and offered her a job interview. Since then, she has always helped to give back, as she knows how rough life can be.

 Jack and his family were headed off to Maryland, to his grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving. Dean’s family would head off to his Grandparents’ house just outside of town. Louise was helping her mom cook and bake for the holiday, and her visiting family would be exchanging early Christmas presents as well, as they lived in California and it would be too hard to get another flight in late december. Felix and his family were celebrating in a less traditional way, with more Swedish dishes, but no difference in thankfulness. Marzia and her family were taking a quick flight back to Italy. It was more of an impromptu plan for the holiday this year, but they feared her grandfather was close to his last days, and they wanted to be there with him.

 “Phil?” Chris asked suddenly, causing Dan and Phil to tear their attention away from each other. “What are your plans?”

 “Oh you know, same old same old.” Phil said. “Family will come over. My cousins will cheat at Mario Kart. Older relatives will tell me how tall I’ve gotten. They’ll all leave around 8 at night. Mom will drag me out Friday to do some Christmas shopping at the smaller shops. And I’ll still be working Saturday and Sunday.”

 “Ew.” Louise grumbled. “You’d think they would give you off for the Thanksgiving holiday. You’re a hard worker.”

 “I actually asked to work.” Phil shrugged at the audible gasps he got. “I don’t mind it, and I need the money. Someone’s gotta pay to drive you guys around.” He grinned.

 “Dan?” Chris asked, turning the attention onto him. Dan sighed. Here we go.

 “Probably just mess around and procrastinate homework until Sunday.” Everyone gave him funny looks, which made him roll his eyes. “I’m British. We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving.” He added. “Besides… I think my mum is working Thursday anyways.” He looked down as he mumbled those last words. They all knew his mum was always working, but it still felt strange to say it aloud. Here all his friends were, complaining about having to see family, or joking about the ridiculous things their families would do, yet all he wanted was just one simple meal with his mother. They haven’t sat together at the table to eat in years. Dan still sat at the table to eat some of his meals, but it was overly depressing sitting at the head of an empty, long table. A comforting squeeze to his hand caused him to form the smallest of smiles. At least he’d be able to casually stalk Phil at work over the weekend. What he’d do before then? Who knows.

 Everyone seemed to notice the stiff awkwardness at the table, so Pj promptly broke it.

 “Have you given that article any thought?” And Dan kind of wished they were still talking about Thanksgiving. “You know you have to give Collins your answer on Monday.”

 “Yeah, I’m still not sure about it yet.”

 “No pressure man,” Dean started, “but I think you should do it.” Dan nodded, fiddling with a loose thread of the sleeve of his jumper. He wanted more than anything in the world to talk about something else. Of course, the table had better ideas.

 “I think he should do what he wants.” Marzia cut in, shocking a few. She wasn’t exactly shy, but she as more of an observer than a talker. She turned to Dan, a friendly smile on her face. “There are definitely pros to doing the article. Some that could help you and Phil’s futures, the school, even the community. But you should not be peer pressured into doing something you aren’t comfortable with.” She eyed some of the other boys at the table, who cowered guiltily in their seats.

 “I’m not uncomfortable with it.” Dan but in, instantly regretting it.

 “Then why don’t you want to do it?” Louise asked curiously. Dan shrugged. She squinted her eyes at him, as if trying to read him, and turned her attention to Phil, who seemed in his own little world, staring at the table. “Phil?”

 He glanced up, looking as if he was caught daydreaming in class. “Uh, yes?”

 “What do you think about all this?”

 “About…?”

 “The article.”

 “Oh!” Phil paused, his mouth forming into a thin line. Dan eyed him curiously, as well. Their hands were still linked under the table, yet Phil’s regulated grip seems to have loosened. “Whatever he wants, I guess.” He mumbled.

 “Well anyways,” Jack cut in, “I think you’ll regret it if you don’t do it.”

 “He might regret it if he does do it, though.” Dean added.

 “I don’t see how that’s possible.”

 “Well, you’re pretty thick-headed, so it makes sense.”

 “Hey!”

 Despite the attention off of Dan and Phil, Dan still kept his curious gaze to Phil, who refused to return his eye. What was up with him? Why did he refuse to give his opinion when the topic of doing the article came up? Dan lightly squeezed his hand to get his attention. It apparently worked, as Phil glanced up at Dan questioningly. Dan smiled at him, and Phil smiled back. Not like the other times, with a hint of sadness. He smiled his great big goofball smile, and Dan melted. His eyes flickered between Phil’s eyes and his lips. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss him so bad. But they were the complete opposite of being alone. He had all the courage he needed, but there was no way he could kiss Phil in front of everyone.

 Phil’s tongue darted out to lick his lips. Dan took a sharp intake of breath.

 There’s no way he could.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey Dan!” A voice brought him from his thoughts. Looking up towards the voice and seeing Cat was coming his way.

 “Oh god.” He mumbled. Closing his locker, Dan grabbed his bag and turned around to make a run for it. He’s never had a private conversation with Cat before, and he’s not about to start now. Especially now that he knew she was the one writing the notes. He couldn’t even look her in the eye. Let alone talk to her.

 “Not so fast, Howell.” She said, grabbing his arm to stop him. He sighed, turning back to face her and keeping his eyes trained to the floor.

 “Sorry I can’t talk right now I gotta get to clarinet practice.” Dan lied. Cat rolled her eyes.

 “You don’t even play the clarinet.”

 “Funny you should say that, I’ve actually just decided to take up the clarinet.” He made a move to leave again but she stopped him.

 “You’re absolute shit at lying.” She said, crossing her arms. Dan sighed. How does he say this without hurting her feelings?

 “Listen Cat,” He began, “I don’t mean to sound rude, but I really don’t want to talk right now.”

 “I’m sorry for the notes, Dan.” Cat said suddenly, ignoring his previous words. Dan froze in place. Oh. “I’m a teenage girl. I get dumb crushes on people for no reason. I shouldn’t have let it go on for so long.”

 She bit her lip, and looked really pained in trying to keep her eyes on him. He felt so bad. How must it feel to be in her place? To know that he will probably never really like her back, at least in no way more than a friend?

 “Honestly, I don’t know how I could have thought you’d like me back, when you’re so obviously in love with someone else.” She added, and Dan’s head perked up.

 “What?” He quipped. “I’m not in love with anyone.”

 “Right.” Cat said, sarcasm present on her face.

 “I’m not.” Dan insisted.

 “Look,” Cat put up her hands in defense. “I am not one to tell you how to manage your feelings or your love life. AS you can tell, mine’s pretty fucked up.” Dan laughed slightly, and she followed suit. “But you better believe me on this. I’ve known him for 3 or 4 years and I’ve seen him through the ups and downs of all of his relationships.” Dan assumed that the ‘he’ she was referring to was Phil.

 “I’ve never seen him so powerfully struck by someone before. He looks at you like you’re the only person he’d ever want to spend his time with. You make him laugh. You make him feel free to speak his ridiculous thoughts. You make him feel alive. I can tell.” Cat looked down at her shuffling feet, smiling to herself. “And I know he makes you feel the same.”

 “Cat-”

 “No.” She put up her hand to stop him. “Shut up.” She reached into her pocket and revealed a slip of paper, folded in the same way her love notes would be.

 “Really?” Dan asked. After all she said and yet she was still going to give him another love note? Was she insane?

 “Just read it, you jackass.” She rolled her eyes. Dan hesitated before taking the note, and she smiled lightly at him before walking off. Dan watched her go, a hundred thoughts crossing his mind. How did she even know that he knew she was writing the notes? Did Phil say something to her? Has she caught on to his avoidance of her not-so-sly glances over the lunch table? Was she spying on him? Why did she say practically the same thing Pj did about him and Phil? Why did everyone want him and Phil to get together to badly?

 Fully frustrated now, Dan fumbled to open the note. It was fairly more blank than normal. No _‘dear dan’_ or _‘xoxo secret admirer’_. It only had three words written upon it. The three words that made Dan glance up after her, even though she was clearly gone now.

 

_kiss the boy_

  


* * *

 

 

 Dan hastily climbed into Phil’s car, wrapping his arms around himself to try and muster up some body heat.

 “Holy fuck, it’s so cold.” Dan muttered, as Phil turned the key in the ignition, and immediately went to fiddling with the heat. He laughed, momentarily rubbing his hands together for warmth. Dan’s eyes turned to his mouth as he laughed. He’d been staring at Phil’s lips practically all day. He even caught glances from Louise, Pj and Cat about it. They all urged him to just do it. It was officially the last day before break. If he didn’t do it now, he’d have to wait two more days, maybe even possibly four days if he didn’t get a chance to do it when Phil goes on break at work. According to everyone, there was no way that Phil would have a negative reaction if Dan kissed him. The odds were entirely in his favor, according to Pj. Still, he couldn’t pluck up the courage all day to do it.

 He had so many chances, as well. When Phil picked him up this morning and they said their usual “good morning” to each other and couldn’t seem to pull their glances away from each other. He could’ve done it then. But instead, he shivered and pulled his jacket tighter over him and mumbled about how Phil needed to fix the heating in his car. Phil laughed, pulling out of the driveway, and the moment was gone.

 There was another moment, when they had stopped by Phil’s locker after History. Phil asked if Dan had gotten any more notes form Cat. So without really thinking about it, Dan told him about how Cat came up to him and told him she’d back off, trailing off before the mention of Phil came up.

 “So why’d she decide to stop, then?” Phil had asked curiously.

 “Didn’t tell me.” He lied, shrugging it off. “I figured you had said something to her.”

 “I didn’t say a word.” Phil insisted, and Dan raised an eyebrow, but shrugged. So Phil hadn’t tipped her off about the notes. Then how did she know?

 “Maybe she took a hint, and figured out I wasn’t interested.” Dan said, hoping to leave it at that. Phil eyed him curiously, looking a bit confused (and maybe jealous?) but he let it go.

 “Besides,” Dan said, taking Phil’s hand and leaning closer to him against the lockers. Phil visibly blushed. “I’m fully invested in someone else.” Phil bit his lip, playing with Dan’s fingers.

 “This someone being the same person you were thinking about during History the other day?” He spoke softly, as if he was tiptoeing on ice with his words. Dan chuckled, looking down at their fingers as well.

 “Yes. I don’t think a day goes by where I don’t think about h-them.” He managed to correct himself, blushing furiously at how easily he almost just gave it away.

 “Seems like this person is very important to you.” Phil mumbled. Dan used his free hand to hook a finger under Phil’s chin, pulling it up to look at him once again. This was his chance. Just lean forward a few inches and all the anxiety in his chest will dissipate. It almost looked as if Phil wanted him to. His eyes looked desperate and pleading, his pupils dilated and glancing between Dan’s eyes and his lips. Dan shoved all of his negative thoughts away, and went to lean in and….

 The bell rang.

 That was probably the last possible chance he’d had all day. He could’ve easily kissed him at any point in time throughout the day, but he wanted it to be private. Not at the lunch table, nor in class. Basically, the car ride to Dan’s house was his very last chance. Phil was helping his mother shop tonight for Thanksgiving, so any after school plans were out of the question. Although, now watching Phil drive, Dan suddenly realized he wouldn’t have a chance to kiss him until they were fully stopped. His last chance would be when they stop in Dan’s driveway. He could do that. It’d be romantic. Phil says some form of farewell, probably wishing Dan a happy holiday weekend, even adding in some silly joke that Dan would laugh at anyways. And then Dan would be sly and smile and wish him the same, and then lean over and kiss him, before exiting the car, leaving a flustered Phil in the driver's seat. It'd be cute and romantic and suave as hell.

 Yeah, he could do that.

 

 “Can I ask you something?” Phil asked momentarily, after a moment of silence between them. He pulled out of the school parking lot and down the road.

 “You just did.” Dan laughed and Phil rolled his eyes. “Yeah, of course. What's up?”

 Phil hesitated for a moment, making a left turn. “Why don’t you want to do the article?”

 “Oh god, not this again.” Dan mumbled.

 “No, I'm serious, Dan.” Phil stopped at a red light and looked over at Dan. “You said the other day that it didn't make you uncomfortable. So, what's stopping you from doing it?”

 Dan shrugged. He wasn't exactly sure why he didn't want to do it. “I just don’t think I should do it.” He finally said. “It's not my kind of thing.”

 The light turned green, and Phil drove on. He was silent for a moment.

 “Not your kind of thing..” He repeated, mumbling. Dan raised an eyebrow.

 “What?”

 “Nothing.”

 “Something is up. Just tell me.”

 Phil sighed. “I just… I don't understand why it's such a big deal.” His voice got more steady as he spoke.

 “So you think I should do it.”

 “Well yeah, I do. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna make you. It's your decision to make, not mine.”

 Dan nodded promptly, “Alright then.” He said, hoping the conversation was over.

 “I just don't think you understand how much of an impact it could have.”

 “Oh, for Christ's sake.” Dan mumbled, putting his head in his hand.

 “Really, Dan.” Phil continued before Dan could say anything. “This could really help you get to where you want to be in life. Put the name Dan Howell under a whole new light.” He paused and then added quietly “and the same for me.”

 “Not even just that but this could help the school out, and we’d get more foreign exchange students. The no tolerance bullying policy is really the only thing we’ve got going so far.” They pulled onto Dan’s street. Dan felt himself mildly panicking. This wasn't how the car ride was supposed to go! It was supposed to be filled with light banter and loving smiles! Why was Phil so adamant on doing this dumb article? Who care about the article!

 “I don't care about the article!” Dan blurted out, louder than he really meant. Phil shut his mouth in surprise at the outburst, as they slowly got closer to Dan’s house. There was so much tension in the air between them. It felt like static. The mood was supposed to be light and romantic and instead it was awkward and tense. Phil mumbled something Dan didn't catch.

 “What?”

 Phil huffed, obviously annoyed. “I _said_ ” He began, and Dan had a feeling that his plans were not going to happen. “I forgot how selfish you are.”

 Dan’s throat went dry.

 “Excuse me?”

 Phil pulled into his driveway, fully intending to not look Dan in the eye.

 “Something that could literally do so good for you. Hell, something that literally has no downsides! And you don't want to do it because it'll affect something other than you in a good way.” Phil waffled on, and Dan felt like he was trying to swallow a boulder in his throat. This was... so unlike Phil. Phil never lead on to thinking Dan was selfish. If anything, he does nothing but praise Dan. And anyways, this would affect Phil too, not just the school.

 “Oh my god.” Dan interrupted. Phil crossed his arms. The words came tumbling out before he even thought them through. “You volunteered to do this. To show me around. To be my ‘student guide’ or whatever. You’ve only been in this to get the stupid article on your college applications and resume.”

 “What?” Phil asked, seemingly puzzled, but Dan was too far gone in his thoughts to listen.

 “You’ve never really even been my friend, have you?” He choked out. Tears were threatening to escape his eyes, but he held them back. Now was not the time to cry.

 “That’s why you let me hang around with you after the first week. That's why you’re so nice to me.” He let out a strangled gasp.

 “You were the one who pushed me to go see Collins about the reporters.” His eyelashes were wet. Phil wasn't even responding. He was just staring at Dan in shock.

 “D-dan-”

 “No!” Dan exclaimed, fumbling to grab his bag and open the car door. “I don't want to talk to you anymore.” He scrambled out of the car, which usually was a funny sight. It was probably even more amusing, as he climbed out angrily. Phil called after him again.

 “Dan!”

 Dan leaned down quickly so Phil could see him. “Don’t even bother picking me up on Monday.” He said, struggling to keep his voice steady and stern, before closing the car door. He didn't slam it, as he knew that it'd probably fall off if he did so, but he closed it as angrily peaceful as he could, before storming up his driveway and through the front door.

 Leaning his back against the front door, he listened until he was sure Phil had driven away, and then he finally let his sobs come out.

 He couldn't process what had happened. Phil, his friend- no, his best friend- had been using him this whole time. Who even knew if everyone else had been in on it? It seemed unlikely, as Pj, Louise and Cat seemed adamant on setting him and Phil up. What if that was all just a prank? What if he had actually kissed Phil and then the three popped up from the back seat with cameras and a diss track and they all laughed at him? He felt so close to Phil. He wanted to curl up next to Phil. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to wake up every morning and look at Phil and think ‘damn, that's my best friend. That's my boyfriend’. He wanted to be Phil’s and he wanted Phil to be his. He, dare say it, loved him. Everything felt safe with him. Talking, laughing, sleeping, breathing. He’s never felt that close to anyone, not even his mum.

 “Daniel?” His mother’s voice came from the kitchen. Speak of the devil. He couldn’t talk to her right now. Even if it was the first time in a few days that he's seen her. He couldn't face her like this, practically falling apart. Hastily, Dan pulled himself up off the ground and tried to tiptoe to the stairs. The light flicked on, and he froze.

 “Daniel, we need to talk.” She said, leaning against the door frame to the kitchen.

 “I-I really can't right now, mum.” Dan stuttered, trying to keep his sobs under control and unnoticeable.

 “Dan?” She spoke in a softer tone, and his outer shell broke. He ended up sobbing, and she hurried over, pulling him into a hug. “Dan, honey, what's happened?” He just sobbed more in response. He couldn't make out clear words. Was he selfish? Was that who he was, even to his friends now? He knew to most adults he seemed selfish, being the rich kid who wouldn't do anything because why should he? He had servants and butlers and whatever to do it for him.

 “Oh, Jeffrey? Will you fetch some tissues?” His mother spoke, and Dan pulled away. He didn't realize until now. He was so utterly tired of being treated like he was a child.

 “No!” He exclaimed, and Jeffrey stood in the doorway to the kitchen, confused. “For God’s sake, they're literally right here, I can get them myself.” He leaned over and grabbed a tissue from the decorate container on the magazine rack. He wasn't sure why they had a magazine rack. Neither Dan or his mother read magazines. Maybe it was for Jeffrey.

 “Sit down, honey.” His mum said, leading him to their fluffy modern L shaped red couch. Dan has probably only sat in it twice upon moving here. She waved Jeffrey off, who nodded before conveniently making himself useful in the kitchen instead. Dan kind of wanted to let Jeffrey sit down and read a magazine. He wondered what Jeffrey was like as a person, not as a butler.

 “Now, what’s wrong?” His mum said, using her hand to move Dan’s chin up. Dan momentarily thought it was due to her rule of always keeping your chin up for appearances. That was diminished when he realized that she was inspecting his face.

 “Well, you haven’t been beaten up.” She mumbled, and Dan couldn’t help but laugh. It seemed reason enough. The crying, the not letting her see his face.

 “No mum, I haven’t been beaten up.” He said, his voice wavering. She smiled, wiping stray tears away from his cheeks.

 “I know, I just wanted to see that lovely smile of yours, dear.” She patted his cheek lightly and sat back a bit more comfortably. “Now tell me what it is that’s got you so worked up. Is it Phil?”

 Dan’s eyes widened and he furrowed his brows. “How did you know about…”

 “You think I don’t know about Phil?” She chuckled. “He picks you up and takes you home every day. You’re always at the mall on the weekends so you can see him at work. If he’s not at work, you both are with friends or just each other.” She raised an eyebrow. “It’s hard not to notice.”

 “I didn’t realize we were that obvious…” Dan mumbled. Has his crush on Phil been just as obvious to her as well? Was everyone playing him for a fool?

 “Is this about him?” She asked momentarily. Dan looked up at her. Tears threatened to spill from his eyes again. Was this how he was going to come out to his mum? Because he was crying over a boy that never had and never will have feelings like that for him? She reached over and took his hands in her own.

 “Honey, whatever it is that you’re keeping inside, please tell me. You will always be my son, and I love you with all my heart. I want you to be happy.” Dan took a breath. Her eyes were pleading with him, and damn him for giving into peer pressure.

 “Mum, I’m in love with him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this fic has finally reached the climax! It took me forever to write this chapter. I've never written a fight before but I didn't cringe as much as I thought I would.  
> Stay tuned for the next chapter in this cluster-fluff of teen confusion and angst.
> 
> Feel free to leave a kudos and/or a comment, as they literally give me life <3  
> 


	7. whatever you say, captain cry baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mum, I'm in love with him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: this is entirely fiction. This is not how Dan, Phil, or any of these characters act in real life.

 “Mum, I’m in love with him.” Dan choked out, barely audible on the last syllable. He refused to look her in the eye. He kept his glance on the balled up tissue in his hands. He said it. He never would’ve thought speaking it could release so much tension in his chest, but he now suddenly felt some of the tightness leave. He didn’t feel so wound up anymore. As if the world had been lifted off his shoulders. Does this mean he  _ is _ gay? What was his sexuality? Dan has had crushes on girls before. He’s sure he still finds girls attractive. He has never questioned his sexuality. He’s never questioned anything about himself. He’s always firmly known who he is. And then they moved. They moved and Phil was thrown into his life and it’s like Dan's perception of his feelings were no longer going forward on the same line. It was going backwards, and swinging side to side, like a teacup. It made him dizzy. He has no idea who he is anymore. No idea where he stands with his personality, his sexuality, his place in the world.

 A hand over his brought him above the sea of his spiraling thoughts. He was so damn anxious. A large bundle of nerves sparked in his chest like firecrackers. He glanced up to his mother, who was smiling lightly. He wasn’t sure what he expected to see. A frown? Disgusted looks? Judgement? He half expected her to laugh it off and tell him he's too young to know what love is. He could believe that. 

 Whatever it was that he assumed, this was the complete opposite. She nodded to him, as if saying thank you, and immediately moved on to what Dan’s real problem was.

 “Have you told him?” She asked promptly. Dan reached up to wipe the stray tear from his cheekbone. He shook his head solemnly.

 “No.” He breathed out, trying to force the boulder in his throat to dissipate. “I was about to, but we ended up fighting, and so I never got the chance.”

 She raised an eyebrow, seemingly shocked. “You  _ fought _ ? About what?” 

 “Well, technically it was about me not wanting to do the article, but then it turned onto different topics and….”

 “Wait. An article?”

 Oh. That’s right. He never told his mother about the article. In his defense, she wasn’t ever home often enough that it deemed necessary to tell her. She probably didn’t even know his grades. Not that they were bad. His grades were above average so far, but that’s only because he was somehow put in the easiest classes. Perhaps they only did that so he’d have the same timetable as Phil. It was strange though, because even though Phil was in average classes, he was super smart. At least to Dan. He always sounded so smart and intelligent when he talked. Maybe that was also just another part of his act. Dan suddenly wondered who Phil really was. Not fake-Phil.

 “What article?” She continued after Dan’s delayed reaction, urging him to elaborate.

 And so he let the dam break. He told her anything and everything. From the moment he stepped foot into the school on his first day, to the reporters, to asking Collins about them and being offered the article, to how Phil was an entirely different person when him and Dan were alone, to the love notes Cat wrote him, to his friends trying to convince him to do the article while simultaneously convincing him to tell Phil how he feels, to the anxious tension he’s had all day leading up to what he thought would be the start of his and Phil’s new relationship, when it was really just the end of it. And she listened to every word. She sat quietly, nodding. She even laughed at some of the silly parts and cooed at the parts when he gushed about how strange Phil made him feel. And then when he had finished, sighing as he sat back into the couch cushion, she finally spoke.

 “You think he has been faking this whole time?” She asked, her voice soft and quiet. He glanced over at her. They’ve never had a conversation like this. Dan has never come to her with his problems. He’s never come to her for anything besides money and yet it felt so easy and natural to tell her these things. Her brown hair, just as naturally curly as Dan’s is, was left down for once, instead of having been pulled into a tight bun. Her face was not as smooth and young as it was when Dan was younger. They were both older now, and she was worn out. She usually wore an average amount of makeup for work, but today she had no trace on her face. She even had casual clothes on, which was abnormal for Dan to see, as she always seemed to be dressed in proper business attire. She even had on her moccasin slippers, that she only used when in the house.

 “Did you go to work today?” Dan asked, suddenly forgetting her question and their entire conversation.

 She let out a light laugh. “No. That's actually what I had wanted to talk to you about.” Dan sat up in a panic.

 “Oh my god, did you lose your job?” It seemed ridiculous, but it was the first thought Dan had and he stuck with it. What a way to make this day worse than fire his mother. The exact reason that they had moved was because of her job. Everything seemed like it was falling apart at the seams.

 “No I didn't get fired, you absolute nutter.” She said, laughing and rolling her eyes. Dan sat back with a sigh. He really needed to stop jumping to conclusions. Eventually, he’ll give himself a heart attack doing that.

 “Listen.” She said, and Dan sat back up. She took his hands in hers lightly, and flickered her gaze between his eyes, as if trying to find something.

 “I know we aren't a traditional family. You’re an only child, you don't have a father figure in your life, and we have a Butler for bloody sake.” She began, and Dan raised an eyebrow.

 “But I feel like we can make our own little family here. I didn't just move us to the states here for my job. I moved us because there's so much back in England that drags us down.”

 “Including Aunt Deb?” Dan quipped. She laughed, and Dan thought for a moment he saw tears in her eyes.

 “Yes, especially Aunt Deb.” She paused, looking back at him. “So I've made a deal with my boss, and I've officially taken off most nights, including holidays.”

 Dan blinked. He was shell shocked. It took him more than a few seconds to respond. “Really?”

 “Yes.” She was smiling once again, a dimple just like Dan’s showing in her left cheek. “And so I have off today through Sunday. We’re going to have a brilliant  _ english _ thanksgiving, and we’re going to go and see how crazy people really are on Black Friday, and then the rest of the weekend is up to you.” In Dan’s silence, she also added “If that is what you want.”

 Dan threw himself at her, hugging his arms around her neck and smiling as she laughed in surprise to his action. “Yes yes yes! That is absolutely what I want.” He felt her hug back, a hand gently on his back, and the other to his head. It was just like the hugs she used to give when he was a small child and he was crying over scraping his knee or something. He felt calm in her embrace. Almost exactly how he feels in….

 “Tell him how you feel, Daniel.” his mother said softly, as if she was reading his thoughts. He pulled away slowly from the embrace, eyes tracking the floor.

 “I can’t.”

 “Why not?”

 “Because- I just-” Dan stuttered, leaving it on a huff. She chuckled.

 “I don't think he was faking it, dear.” She said, pushing a strand of his fringe out of his face.

 “I just don’t see how it could've been real. I feel like it was, but there's always this voice in my head that's constantly telling me that he just doesn't feel the same. And why should he? I'm nothing special.” He slumped his shoulders and heard her scoff.

 “Daniel James Howell, you listen to me right now.” She spoke, and he glanced back up. “You are an amazingly witty and handsome young man. You are clever and sarcastic and loyal and by God, if he can’t see your beauty, then he deserves no love from you.”

 Dan smiled, close to tearing up again. She shook her head. “No no no. No more tears. You've let enough fly today. Be strong.” With those words, he blinked away his tears and sat more upright, pushing his chin up. She chuckled, and pecked his cheek before standing back up. “Now now, I've got a dinner to cook and you've got homework to do, yes?” Dan nodded.

 “You better be doing well in your classes. I'm not afraid to take your phone away.” She warned, a slight smile forming on her lips. Dan put his hands up in defense.

 “I’m doing well, I promise!” He held back his laughs. She promptly nodded, walking off into the kitchen, but not before adding

 “Best get on with it, then.”

  
  


 It was fairly quick and easy to get his homework done, as most of the teachers admittedly would feel bad about assigning homework over the break, so they refrained from doing so. However, that didn’t stop Dan from reading the next few chapters of U.S. History and what they would be doing next in Algebra. Polynomials. Great. Out of all the things Dan was good at, polynomials were not it. He’ll probably just google some youtube videos on how to do it later. After realizing it had only taken him nearly an hour to complete all of his homework, Dan flopped on his bed, sighing. 

 There was very little he could do to take his mind off of the events that had transpired today. He was exhausted mentally and physically from the crying, and despite how happy he should be that his mother was trying to make them a family again, his thoughts still drifted back to Phil. Maybe he hadn’t been lying about the whole thing. Was there a possibility that he actually saw Dan as a friend, or possibly more? There was no way that his friends were faking it. They all seemed to care too much. Cat apologized for the notes, even telling Dan to just tell him how he felt. Even Pj insisted on offering him the comforting fact that they would all support him no matter what.

 Dan’s thoughts flew until there was a knock upon his door. At first, Dan expected it to be Jeffrey calling him to dinner. So, he was quite surprised to hear his mother’s voice though the polished wooden door.

 “Daniel? Can I come in?” She asked, her voice soft. Dan nodded before realizing his slight mistake.

 “Yeah, come in.” He called. He sat up from the position he was laying on his bed as she tip toed in. Clearly she still thought he was sensitive from the day.

 He eyed her as she glanced around, finally realizing this was the first time she's seen his room since they've moved. He suddenly felt embarrassed about the state of his room, even though it was spotless. His desk was immaculate, the computer monitor off, and his bookbag hanging off the back of the chair. His closet door was closed, but even if she were to look in, his clothes would be neatly organized, his older preppy clothes shoved out of sight. He didn't have much hanging from his walls, besides the Union Jack flag hung behind the headboard of his bed. The random knickknacks and such upon his mahogany dresser were neatly organized as well, and his bookshelf was the same way, various books he's either had since a young child, or ones he's acquired after coming to the states. The lamp on his nightstand was on, his phone plugged in there as well. The singular window by his desk was shielded off with eloquent black curtains- ones that used to belong to his grandfather. It was the only thing passed onto him that he has been able to take with him during the move. His cousins stole the rest. Bastards.

 His mother came over to sit at the foot of his bed, folding her arms in her lap. Dan slowly closed his textbook, expecting some sort of lecture on something. It was unusual for her to be in his room. She looked solemn and sad, something she didn’t seem to express earlier when Dan was upset over Phil. Something else must be up.

 “Dan, there’s another reason I have taken to more flexible days. Especially for next month.” She spoke softly. Dan nodded, encouraging her to go on. 

 “We did agree to travel back and visit the family over Christmas break.” She eyed him nervously. Dan raised his eyebrows. 

 “Yes….” He urged her to continue.

 “But while we are across the pond, I think we should visit someone I have avoided for a long time.” She closed her eyes, breathing through her nose. Who were we visiting? Jesus? His family wasn’t really religious- not even his relatives.

 “Your father.” 

 Silence.

 “Oh.”

 She glanced up at him finally, and exhaled.

 “Listen Daniel, I know he died when you were young so you barely remember anything about him, but he is still in the cemetery by the old school church. I have been excluding his existence from your life for too long, simply because i couldn’t cope-” She sniffled, and Dan instinctively moved closer to her, embracing her in a hug. The same type of hug she had embraced him with earlier. A healing one.

 “I think it’s time to make amends.” Dan said quietly after a moment of pure silence besides her shaking breaths. She choked out a laugh, and Dan smiled at that.

 “I think you’re exactly right.” She said. They pulled back, and she squeezed his chin affectionately, just like Louise had done once before. He squeezed his eyes shut, smiling at the memory.

 “Are you done with your homework?” She asked then.

 “I was done with it a while ago,” He admitted, “Just kinda been waiting for dinner.”

“Well, wait no longer.” She said, bouncing up. Her mood had shifted dramatically, and Dan can’t help but feel like that is once again something that they had in common.

 “Come now.” She called as she walked out his door. “Tonight we sit together at the table as a family!”

 

* * *

 

 

He spent the next day and the following just being with his mother. It felt weird, but they both seemed to click on a friend level despite the obvious parent/child relationship.

 They watched chick-flick movies like Clueless and pointed out which outfits looked the most ridiculous. They watched horror movies like Insidious, screaming until Jeffrey came running in with a bat and a scared expression. Then they felt bad and invited him to sit with them, and he did. Of course then Dan’s suspicions were confirmed, as Jeffrey leaned over to pick up a copy of Entertainment Weekly from the magazine rack.

 Thursday, or Thanksgiving, was not as bad either. The day was spent cooking, and despite how many traditional Thanksgiving dishes they didn’t make, Dan still convinced her to make Pumpkin Pie.

 It was about an hour after dinner when he got the text. They were watching some competitive cooking show on The Food Network, their bellies full and their bodies exhausted from all of the baking.

 “Oh my god is she deep frying the squid ink pasta? Is she crazy?”

 “Hey mum, can I go out with Pj?” He asked momentarily after he had checked his phone. She glanced up at the clock on the wall, eyeing him curiously.

 “At 11 o’clock at night?”

 Dan nodded. “It’s a tradition that Pj has with our friend Chris. They sit outside the mall and watch the Black Friday shoppers wrestle over deals.” She eyed him again. “We’ll be sitting a safe distance away, though.” He added.

 She shrugged. “I guess so. Just don’t get lost. I’ll have Jeffrey take you.” Now it was Dan’s turn to eye her strangely, so she added “I know I said I was working on being a better parent and stuff, but I think I’ll explode if I get up.”

 Dan laughed. “Fair enough.” He said, and darted up to his room to put on something other than pajamas.

  
  


 When Dan had gotten there, Pj was already sitting on the bench, holding two styrofoam cups. Dan had told Jeffrey to drop him off a bit away from where he needed to be, so he could just walk the rest of the way. Obviously all of his friends knew he was rich, but the thought of getting dropped off right in front of the bench Pj asked to meet, stepping out of a black mercedes, was too much. He didn’t want to rub it in their faces.

 “Hi.” Dan mumbled, sitting down awkwardly. Fortunately for him, Pj never let anything be too awkward for too long.

 “Ah, there he is!” Pj announced, despite them being the only ones there. The entrance to Sears that they were facing had quite the menagerie of people lined up to enter. Dan scoffed to himself. The insanity of some people.

 Pj handed him one of the styrofoam cups, a red straw in it. 

 “Here! Drink the syrupy treat of the natives!”

 Dan warily looked to the contents of the cup, seeing it was blue. 

 “Chris gets blue and I get red. I guess I'm just used to getting it for Chris.” He admitted sheepishly. Dan rolled his eyes, holding back a knowing smile.

 “Sounds domestically adorable.” Dan said before hesitantly taking a sip. He made a face.

 “Not a fan?” Pj mused, laughing as he sipped his own. Dan's shook his head and decided to just set the cup down next to him instead.

 “So, you just sit here and wait until the shoppers go crazy?” Dan asked. He wasn't exactly sure why Pj had invited him of all people to this outgoing. Sure, Chris and a few others were going away, but many of them were staying in the area. Cat, Felix, Louise, Phil. Yet, he chose Dan.

 “Well that's essentially what it is, but we usually gossip.” Pj said, leaning back comfortably against the bench and sipping his slushie. “Take bets on how long before someone gets injured once the store doors open, that sort of thing.”

 Dan nodded, shoving his hands in his coat pockets and staring at the sky. It was another clear night. There wasn't a cloud to be seen, but the stars practically littered the sky with their numbers. Dan gazed up at the crescent moon, swooning under its milky white glow. He was suddenly reminded of Phil. He wondered if Phil was looking at the moon now. Was he sad to not have someone to speak to while he watched it?

 “So…” Pj began, pulling Dan out of his trance towards the sky. “How are things going with Phil?” Did this kid read minds?

 “Fine.” Dan said bluntly. He wasn't sure where he would stand with the group after they find out about the fight. Dan didn't even know where he'd stand with Phil.

 “If you call screaming at each other and then slamming the door when he dropped you off, ‘fine’.” Pj delivered in the same blunt undertone. What the fuck? How did he know that happened? He's a witch.

 “Don’t be so shocked, I know you’re probably just as heartbroken about it as he is.”

 He’s totally a witch.

 Wait.

 What?

 “He's….. heartbroken?” Dan said quietly, barely even hearing his own voice.

 “Yes! He was sobbing over the phone to me Tuesday night about how he feels like he's probably fucked up your friendship, let alone any chance he has with you, and he doesn't know what's gonna happen on Monday when we all go back to school because even if you hate him, he wants you to stay friends with the rest of us because we ‘didn't do anything wrong’ and I don't know. He's just a mess.”

 Dan bit his lip to keep his mouth from falling wide open. Phil wasn't even worried about getting anything from Dan. He just didn't want to mess up Dan’s first friendship and his other friendships. Even when Dan had said probably the rudest things and blown it all way out of proportion, Phil still worried on Dan’s behalf. He felt like crying.

 “God, I fucked up, Pj.”

 “I know.”

 “I fucked up so bad.”

 “You did.”

 “He is so-”

 “Mmhm.”

 “And I just-”

 “Yup.”

 “What have I done?” Dan put his face in his hands. He felt like crying again, but he wasn't sure he could cry twice in the same week. “Is this why you texted  _ me _ and not like, Louise or someone?”

 “Well I was going to text Phil, but I knew his family was staying over, so he wouldn't be too keen on sneaking out. I was thinking of asking Cat, but she’ll be exhausted after helping out cooking and serving all day. And I'm sure Louise would've been fine with doing this, but I decided to choose you.” He made a swift throw motion, as if throwing a pokéball. Dan snorted.

 “Why?”

 “Well, Louise has family to spend her Thanksgiving break with. And yeah, technically you do too, but you said your mom will be working, and I don't really know if you are like, best friends, with your Butler or whatever. You shouldn't be lonely on a holiday. No matter how shitty you were to Phil.”

 Dan felt his eyes water again. What the fuck was up with his friends being so damn nice? None of Dan’s friends back in England were like this. If Dan was sad or felt lonely, they'd probably call him a wanker and ignore him. That was classified as nice. But this new country, this new school, these new friends. They were a whole different level of nice.

 “Are you crying?” Pj asked, sitting up. “I'm sorry what I said about your mom, I didn't mean it like that! I'm sure she loves you.” He rested a reassuring hand on Dan’s shoulder.

 “No, that's not-”

 “Is it about Phil? Was it too much? I mean, I still think you acted pretty shitty, but I… maybe I shouldn't have told you about the phone call…”

 “No! No, it's just…” Dan closed his eyes and tried to level his breathing. Now was not the time to cry. “No one has ever really been as nice to me as you all are.” He sniffled, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his coat. “Even though I was a dick, you didn't want me to be alone, and what the bloody fuck? Why are you all so nice?” He looked up to Pj, who was smiling widely. “I hate it.”

 “You love it.”

 “I definitely hate it.”

 “Whatever you say, Captain Cry Baby.” Pj patted him on the shoulder.

 And then it was silent for a while. Dan felt bad about Pj spending his money on the slushies, so he ended up drinking his anyways, to which Pj grinned mumbling something about how he ‘knew you’d submit to its icy depths’. Eventually, Dan ended up staring at the line of people, wondering what possible amount of money they could be saving that's worth waiting for in this weather. Dan was shivering, his toes frozen and his fingers trembling around the styrofoam cup in hand. Why was it a tradition to drink something freezing cold while sitting in the cold? Hadn't they heard of coffee? Or hot chocolate? Tea? Why was the traditional drink a slushie? Despite every complaint he wanted to voice, Dan kept quiet on the matter. He also kept quiet on the fact that his mother actually  _ did _ take time off work, but it’s not like Dan or anyone else knew that until he came home the other day. He hadn’t really had a chance to tell someone, or let them pry until they got it out of him. He didn’t want to ruin Pj’s mood or the thoughtfulness of what he said and did, so Dan kept it under wraps, silently promising himself to tell them all later. If there was a later. And they both sat in silence. Well, until Pj broke it.

 “You know this is gonna be really awkward on Monday if you and Phil don’t makeup and make out, right?” He questioned, slurping his drink. Dan tried not to blush at the thought of him and Phil making out. Or kissing. Or committing acts of romantic relations in any way whatsoever. His train of opportunity has passed, and he didn’t manage to get a ticket in time before it left the station.

 “Yeah, that’s probably why I won’t come back.” Dan mumbled, fiddling with the cup in his hands.

 “You what?”

 “To the table, I mean.” He quickly added, not daring to look up at Pj’s face. He already felt guilt swelling up in his throat like a giant ball of sweat and mistake. “I don’t think I can face Phil, especially after what you just told me, and I don’t think I can face everyone else either. You all will know how badly I fucked things up.” He bit his lip. He honestly felt like he was going to throw up. He didn’t want to let them down, but it was all his fault. He would just have to deal with having to find a new lunch table to sit at. Or sit in the bathroom like Lindsay Lohan did in Mean Girls. How could he even sit next to Phil at lunch anymore after how badly he’s messed up? Even sitting in the same classes as him every day would be a struggle. Maybe he should’ve gone through with his threat to Collins and convinced his mom to pay for a boarding school. Maybe in boarding school he could just be a loner that everyone ignored. A fresh start. Again.

 “Are you a sadist?” Pj quipped. Dan blinked, a bit in shock.

 “W-what?”

 “I legit just told you exactly what Phil was afraid of happening, and so that’s exactly what you want to do.” Pj grumbled, pulling his knitted cap back down over his ears. “You’re going to break his heart if you ignore him.”

 “So what do I do then? Pretend it never happened?”

 “Make amends, you jackass!” Pj all but shouted. Dan cowered back, and Pj took this time to close his eyes. Dan assumed he was steadying his breaths. 

 “Dan. He is in love with you. You are in love with him. I don’t give a shit if you fought over a damn article, and I’m positive that he doesn’t either. So please, for the love of god, go see him before break is up, and tell him you love him.”

 Dan stayed silent, eyes trained on the cup in his hands. In his lack of response, Pj added more.

 “Before I tell him myself.”

 

* * *

 

 

 The following night, Dan felt like a fish out of water. He was so torn between keeping to himself and just telling Phil. His head was swimming from the moment Pj had said those words, locking his fate. If Dan didn't at least tell Phil how he felt, Pj would. It didn't seem like something too hard, really. Yet for Dan, this was probably the most nerve-wracking decision he’ll ever make. The fear of rejection taunted him, over ruling the bubbling hope of reciprocation.

 Restless, Dan couldn't stand to be in his room anymore. He has had enough of staring at his ceiling, and the old curtains guarding his singular window view from the outside world. Instinctively, he padded around the house, seemingly lost. He trailed from the living room, to the kitchen, to the dining room, eventually to the study. Surprisingly enough, his mother was not at her desk as usual.

 Unsurprisingly, a grand piano stood in the middle of the room. Cautiously, he toed over to it, gently running his hand over the fall board. He pulled out the chair and sat down upon it, pushing the fall board up before even really thinking about it.

 His fingers stroked the keys. They were cold and he was rusty, having not delved upon his lifetime hobby for a year or two. He’d never even had a lesson. He was only self-taught. It seemed a bit cocky and big-headed, but he had just never asked for them. Thinking of it now, he was sure he could get lessons from anywhere. His mind went back to the green paper he had seen tacked to a pinboard in the music room. It had advertised free summer piano lessons. Some senior’s graduation project or something. He hadn't cared upon seeing it, just gazing at the different lesson offers, competitive opportunities and clubs. But now, he considered it.

 After butchering a few notes, Dan was able to play a song in full harmony. He shut his eyes, letting his fingers fall upon the keys with only a little thought of their placement. It was a radiohead song. Really, the only full song he knew as he hadn't bothered to learn anything else, let alone anything easier than this. Go big or go home, he guessed.

 Just as he was finishing up the last chords, he felt someone sit next to him. He froze, immediately tensing.

 “It’s been so long since you’ve played.” his mother’s soft voice announced, and he let his muscles relax, opening his eyes.

 “I know.” He mumbled, tapping the keys ever so lightly. “I think it soothes my thoughts, though. When they've just been going wild.”

 She smiled fondly, glancing down at his hands upon the keys. Suddenly, her smile dropped ever so slightly, as she took Dan’s hands in her own. Dan sat confused for a moment before realization dawned upon him as she inspected his fingernails. The black polish was partly chipped away, a nail or two even completely devoid of the color. He should really call Louise up and have her redo them.

 “Uh, I can explain-” Dan started, but she stopped him abruptly.

 “No no no, I'm not mad. They really need to be done again, but I am not upset.” She patted his hands, and Dan glanced at her perfectly manicured nails. She always went to get them done professionally, and Dan didn't think until now that it was probably because she couldn't paint her nails if her life depended on it. She was left handed (like Dan), and her hands shook just as much as his did, if not more.

 “Do you want me to take it off?” Dan asked momentarily. She hesitated for a moment before shaking her head.

 “Absolutely not. You wear and dress the way you want. If I can look how I want, you should, too.” She paused, before a small smirk grew on her face. “Just never let your Aunt Tina see it, yeah? I think we’ve all heard enough of her complaints towards teenagers.”

 Dan laughed and nodded. “Agreed.” He took a moment to inspect his nails. “Actually, I think I'm gonna ask Louise to come over and redo them for me.” He looked back up to her. “Is that okay?”

 She nodded.

 Dan smiled and stood up from the piano, already making his way out of the room. He heard her mumble something, which he barely heard as he left.

 “I knew it was a good thing to bring this with us.”

 

 It took Louise less than a minute to answer his text, and all but ten minutes to arrive at his door, nail polish bag in hand. He opened the door and greeted her, almost nervous. This was the first time he's had a friend over at the new house, let alone a friend that's a class below him.

 She walked in, glancing around at everything curiously as he closed the door. She turned back to him, and Dan wasn't sure what to make of her expression.

 “Well, it's not as big and fancy as I thought. But everything looks like you bought it today.” She said simply. Dan wasn't sure how to take that. 

 She glanced at the walls.

 “Also, why are there no family pictures?”

 He shrugged. “I'm sure they're somewhere, but they'd only be of me and mum, so there's really no point in displaying them.”

 She raised an eyebrow. “Dan, it's not about display. It's about memories.”

 “Right. Anyways…”

 She held up her bag. “Nail party and girl gossip?”

 Dan laughed, starting up the stairs. “Right this way.” He paused before they entered his room. 

 “I'll tell you right now, my room is definitely cleaner than Phil’s.”

 Louise rolled her eyes. “my 5 year old sister’s room is cleaner than Phil’s.”

 Upon entering his room though, Louise fell short.

 “Wow.” She paused. “This place is practically empty.”

 Dan blinked, glancing around as well. “That…. wasn't the reaction I expected.”

 She walked in his room further, and Dan went to sit on his bed.

 “Sorry,” She began, “I just didn't really expect such empty walls. You and Phil are into the same bands and everything, I guess I just assumed your walls would he as plastered as his.” Dan laughed, leaning on the wall his bed was pushed against.

 “Well for one thing, I  _ did _ just move here. But I don't really feel the need to keep posters and stuff of my interests. I could probably live from a suitcase if I wanted.”

 Louise let out a sound of ‘oh’.

 “I keep forgetting that you just moved here.” She swiftly turned on her heel towards Dan and sat down on his bed as well. She knocked her shoes off and pulled up her feet, sitting criss cross.

 “Alright now, let's see these nails of yours.” She prompted, and he sat up, letting her take his hands.

 “You’re not gonna get polish all over my duvet, are you?” He questioned.

 “Your what?” She asked, before realizing what he meant. “Oh, your comforter? No, don’t worry. My level of nail polish control is quite good, if I do say so myself. Did my cousin’s once in the back of a taxi.”

 “I’m not sure if I want context on that.”

 “You don't.”

 

 After Louise had finished removing the small bit of polish left on his nails, she pulled out the same black she had used before, but Dan stopped her.

 “Uh, pick a different color.”

 “You want a color other than black?” She asked incredulously. He nodded slowly, and her smile grew wide.

 “OH MY GOD! Okay, this is gonna be great. I have so many good colors for you!” She squealed, unzipping her bag fully and letting the tiny bottles fall on the bed between them.

 “I feel like this is going to be a mistake.” Dan mumbled, and she looked back at him, giggling and smiling wide, nodding her head.

 Eventually, they settled on a glittery turquoise. At first, Dan fully rejected anything with glitter, but somehow he just couldn't say no to Louise. Maybe she was performing some voodoo trick on him to always agree with her.

 “So…” Louise started, and she painted his thumb. “I know you like Phil. Frankly, everyone knows you guys have the hots for eachother.”

 Dan felt his face heat up. How did he know she'd bring this up?

 “Which is fine, obviously. Honestly, I think it’s cute.” She paused to move to the next nail. “But, I have a feeling you don’t just like guys. So, before I assume anything, I want to hear straight from the horse's mouth.” She paused, glancing up at him. Dan froze.

 “Are you asking if I'm bisexual?”

 “I guess you could say that.” She shrugged. “Really, just what do you sexually identify as?”

 Dan opened his mouth to answer, but promptly closed it again. This seemed like the million dollar question. What  _ was  _ his sexuality? He liked girls and boys, but did it stop there?

 “It's okay if you don't want to tell me,” She said frantically in his loss of response, “I just want you to know that whatever it is, we’re all here for you and we support you either way. You shouldn't feel like you need to hide it.”

 Dan gave her a grateful look. Honestly, why were they all so nice to him? He doesn't deserve these kinds of friends.

 “I wouldn't mind telling you,” Dan finally spoke, “but I just don't really know, I guess? It's weird. Obviously I like boys, and I do like girls, but I don't know if it stops there, you know what I mean?”

 “So, you would be with someone who’s transgender or someone who doesn't identify as female or male?” Louise quipped, going back to painting his nails. Dan thought for a moment.

 “I don't see why not. Maybe I just look at personality over body parts.”

 Louise cooed. “Awe, that's so romantic and sweet.”

 Dan flushed red. “Actually shut up.” She laughed, and Dan took this moment to turn the conversation back. “But right now I don't think I could like,  _ like _ , anyone else.”

 Louise glanced back up at him, almost knowingly. He took a deep breath.

 “Louise, I’m in love with him.”

 It was quiet for a while, as she gave him pitied looks. But they both recuperated, and she finished his left hand, moving onto the right.

 “Well, then you need to tell him that.”

 

* * *

 

 

 After Louise had left, Dan felt all of his emotions come back to him. He couldn’t even remember why he had been so upset in the first place. Who cares about some dumb article? He just wanted to be with Phil. And maybe Phil wanted to be with him.

 It had been excruciatingly difficult the past few days to not just text or call Phil. But he knew Phil was busy. He was spending time with his family the first two days, and then working double shifts the other days. He had started to miss the good morning texts from Phil, and the good night calls. The calls when they would both just stare at the moon and talk about nothing in hushed voices.

 Dan looked at the moon now. It was probably past midnight, and he was curled up on the ledge of his window, the curtains pushed back as he stared up at the sky. The moon shone through the dark clouds looming in the sky, and Dan wondered once again if Phil was looking at it as well. His gaze fell to the photostrip in his hands. It was of him and Phil. He remembered the day like it was yesterday.

 Phil was on break and Dan was hyper from all the sugar he had that day while slinking around the mall. So as they walked around during Phil’s break, Dan pulled him into a cramped photo booth. The pictures were quite silly, now that he actually looked at them. In the first picture, they were both shoving peace signs over their faces. In the next, they were sticking their tongues out at each other, trying not to laugh. Then, they tried for a more serious picture, giving the camera a straight stare. After that, they couldn’t hold in their laughter any longer, so the last picture ended up of them leaning onto each other and laughing their heads off. That had probably been the most fun he’d ever had with someone. Even though it was just walking around a mall and messing off, it was still fun. Phil was naturally hyper in Dan’s presence alone, and Dan was coming off a sugar high. It just seemed right for them, two teenagers giggling and acting ridiculous.

 There was also a photo strip of Dan and their other friends, from the day that they had all decided to take Dan out shopping for new clothes. It was difficult squeezing him and Phil in the photo booth, let alone eight people. Yet somehow, they all had managed to get in shot, even if Jack’s contribution was essentially just giving Pj bunny ears.

 Now, in his quiet and dark bedroom, Dan held the photostrip of him and Phil in his hands, silent tears running down his cheeks. He missed Phil so damn much. He missed smiling and laughing because of Phil, he missed making Phil smile and laugh. But he had to go and ruin it because of the damn article. Why did he hate the idea of doing the article so much, anyways? If anything, he  _ should _ do it. Even if it’s just for Phil’s benefit.

 Dan suddenly jumped up from the window sill, scrambling over to his closet to pull on his shoes. Grabbing his only hoodie, Dan hurriedly tiptoed down the stairs and out his front door. He silently thanked the heavens that his mum didn’t order a security alarm yet. 

 Dan made his way down the street briskly, checking the time on his phone. 

 11:57

 Okay, so it was only just barely midnight. There was no way Phil was asleep. He had the same awful sleep patterns as Dan.

 

 Luckily, Phil’s house was only a few blocks down from Dan’s. It suddenly seemed silly for Phil to pick him up every morning if he could just simply walk down and then they’d go. He’ll pay him back for the gas eventually.

 It was cold and dark outside, and Dan fully regretted not bringing a coat as he shivered. He almost regret coming, the dark streets looming with every fear Dan could possibly think of. Yes, he was scared of the dark. How could he not be? The fear of the unknown- on what lies beyond your sight. What is lurking just out of the corner of your eyes. He could easily be chopped up and no one could know about it. Well, until they find his corpse the next morning. With that thought, Dan hugged his hoodie closer to himself and picked up his pace.

 Just as Dan had just about had enough of the eerie darkness of the neighborhood, he rounded the corner to Phil’s house. All of the lights were off, but Dan knew that that didn’t mean anything. He glanced at all the windows, wondering which one was Phil’s. He was there before, he should know this, right? Then, an idea popped into his head.

 Dan pulled out his phone, dialing Phil’s number and pressing call. He bounced on his heels as it rang. After four rings, Dan started to feel sick. What if Phil wasn’t awake? What if he saw that it Was Dan and decided not to answer? But just as his hopes were diminishing, someone picked up.

 “Dan?” Phil voice flooded through the phone, rough and soft all at the same time. Dan held back an audible sigh. He missed that voice.

 “Hey.” He said simply, suddenly realizing he had no plan for this. He had to get Phil to see him somehow, but giving it away would be no fun. “Uh I-I’m just looking at the moon, and I um.. I want to know your thoughts about it.” He bit his lip. Was that convincing enough?

 “You want my thoughts on the moon?” Phil asked doubtfully.

 “Yeah. It clears my head.” He said flatly. It wasn’t a lie. But either way, it certainly was convincing enough for Phil. Dan noticed a light in one of the windows come on, and he stepped closer to it. He watch as a pale hand swished the blue curtains to the side and Phil appeared, staring at the sky. He didn’t seem to notice Dan yet, but Dan definitely noticed him. He was clad in his dorky Star Wars pajamas, and his chunky glasses were hung lazily on his face. Without thinking, Dan asked,

 “Sorry, did I wake you?”

 “No, no.” Phil answered, a yawn coming through the phone and Dan watched as Phil covered his mouth with his free hand during the yawn, then pushing his fringe out of his eyes. “I was um..” He paused. “Studying.”

_ Bullshit _ , Dan thought, but said nothing of the sort.

 “The moon is really pretty tonight.” Phil commented. He gazed up at the sky, and Dan gazed up at him. The sky wasn’t the only pretty one tonight.

 “Looks like it might rain, though.” He added, and Dan chuckled.

 “That would suck if it did.”

 “What?” Phil asked, puzzled. “Why?”

 “Because I’m standing out here without an umbrella.” He said, biting his lip. Phil instantly looked down, spotting Dan in his front yard.

 He gasped, jumping up from the position he was in, now kneeling closer to the window. “Dan! What the hell are you doing down there?”

 Dan couldn’t help his wide smile. “Freezing my tits off, what about you?”

 Phil sputtered, fully in shock. Dan couldn’t help the airy laugh leaving his throat.

 “I’m coming down, don’t move an inch!” Phil demanded, and hung up. Dan smiled fondly, watching Phil’s figure leave the window. He put his hands back in his pockets. It really was cold.

 As soon as the front door opened, Dan looked up. Phil came out, his dorky red and blue shoes on, untied, and his puffy space coat barely even covering his shoulders. Phil walked up to him, trying to hide his smile to stay serious. He was obviously failing though.

 “What are you doing here?” He asked, still looking at Dan in utter disbelief.

 “Oh you know, same old same old. Thinking about stuff, especially about the fact that an axe murderer could come and literally kill me right now.”

 “Thinking about what stuff?” Phil continued, ignoring the statement about murderers.

 “About us.” Dan mumbled, and Phil’s eyes went wide. “About us, and the article, and-” Phil put his hands up, interrupting him.

 “Listen Dan, I’m really sorry about the other day. I shouldn’t have called you selfish. It’s your decision whether or not you want to do it. I just want you to be happy.” Phil expressed, his hands waving about. Dan took them in his own, in order to calm him down.

 “I know. But the thing is, I want you to be happy as well. Making you happy, makes me happy. I’ll do anything to keep that dorky little smile on your face. Even if it means doing the article.” Dan stared into the blue pools of Phil’s eyes, entranced by them. It was no lie. He’d do anything for Phil. He’s held his feelings inside for too long. He pushes them to the side no more.

 Phil’s face was a mix of emotions. His eyes glossed over with tears behind his glasses, and his lips quivered into a small smile. Despite the darkness, Dan was sure he could see Phil’s cheeks turning a shade of pink. He intertwined his fingers with Phil’s.

 “Phil.” He started. “I really like you. And I’ve never felt this way about someone before. Literally ever. Everyone already knows how much I suck at romance but, if you will let me, I want to be with you.” He glanced away from Phil, working to swallow the ball of nerves in his throat. In Phil’s silence, his heart thudded in his ears. His chest felt like it was on fire, and his head swam. This was it. There was no going back. If he was rejected, it’d be even more weird than it would be after the fight. But if he wasn’t, well, Dan couldn’t really even think about that, could he? Wouldn’t that qualify as hopeful thinking?

 “Dan.” Phil breathed. He glanced back at him daringly. Phil’s expression was relaxed, a small smirk played on his face. “You idiot.”

 “Huh?” Dan asked, but barely even had a moment to think before Phil leaned forward, a hand on Dan’s cheek, pulling them together until their lips touched.

 The kiss was rushed and sloppy, as neither of them really realized what was happening. Phil’s lips were soft and plump, making Dan really wish he’d worn chapstick. They were warm, and oddly enough, it felt like home. But just as quickly as it started, they both pulled away. Dan definitely felt his face heat up and Phil sure looked a bit red himself. There was silence between them as they both relished in what just happened, and then it started to rain. Dan groaned at the interruption, as Phil pulled him by the hand until they were safely under the small roof covering the entrance to his house.

 “I told you it was going to rain.” Phil said flatly, and Dan rolled his eyes. “I’d say you should stay over, but I know my mom would freak out.”

 “Mine might too, actually.” Dan said, pondering.

 “Do you want me to just drive you home, then?”

 “It’s only a two block drive.”

 “Yeah, and it’s raining. My mom would smack me right up the head if I made you walk.” Phil paused. “Actually, I’d smack myself right up the head if I did that.” 

 “Well, I guess I’m sold.” Dan laughed, putting his hands up in defense. “You drive quite the argument there, Lester.” Phil laughed and opened his front door again, to quickly slip inside and grab his keys, before reappearing. He took Dan’s hand, yelling a quick ‘Run!’ and Dan felt like he was on top of the world, running in the rain with Phil Lester in pajamas.

 They sat in comfortable silence on the way back to Dan’s house. Every bone in Dan’s body shivered, except for the hand holding Phil’s. He couldn’t help his smile. He was so happy, he felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. When Phil pulled into his driveway, the happiness diminished slightly. He didn’t want to leave, he realized. He wanted to spend every waking moment with Phil.

 Phil seemed to feel the same way, as he made no effort to unlink their hands. Instead, he turned to Dan.

 “Dan?”

 “Phil.”

 “Will you…” He paused. “I don’t know how to say it.”

 “Say what?” Dan excitingly squirmed in his seat.

 “Will you go out with me?” Phil asked, his breath trembling. Dan wasn’t sure if it was from nerves or the cold rain. “Like, on an actual date?”

 “Depends…” Dan answered. Now was probably not the time to mess with Phil, but he was always more daring when he was happy. “What did you have in mind?”

 “Milkshakes?” Phil quipped. “Or ice cream, if that sounds better to you.”

 Dan melted in his seat. He was so smitten over this boy.

 “Milkshakes sounds amazing.” He said, gazing at Phil with a smile. Phil smiled back, and Dan leaned over to quickly kiss his cheek.

 “See you tomorrow, boyfriend.” Dan said with a wink as he climbed out of Phil’s car. Closing the door softly behind him, he heard Phil finally answer through his flustered state.

 “Can’t wait.”

 

 Dan tiptoed through his house once again, climbing in bed with a satisfied smile. He couldn’t wait to stride into school Monday, holding Phil Lester’s hand. He couldn’t wait to see the knowing looks from their friends and passerby in the hallways. He couldn’t wait to see Phil.

  
 He couldn’t wait until Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thanks to my best friend for beta-ing this chapter. Eventually, I will go back through this fic and fix all the random errors.  
> My usual next update will actually be on Christmas Day, so instead I'm pushing it off to the week between Christmas and New Years. But do not fret! It will be entirely worth it (;
> 
> Please leave a kudos or a comment if you like this so far! It brings me utter joy and purpose to further write!


	8. check please!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So when are you taking me on this lovely date, Mr. Romantic?” Dan asked, using his best flirtatious tone.
> 
> “Hmmm.” Phil hummed. “Eager, are we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you think I abandoned this?  
> Not yet, my friends! I was struggling with school for a while, so I didn't want this to become a priority over that.  
> But I'm back! We're nearing the end here but many things are going to happen within the last so many chapters -i'm thinking 2 or 3 more after this one- so hang on tight and enjoy the ride!  
> Also, this chapter is full to the brim with sweet fluff. Sickening, actually. I recommend a quick trip to the dentist because it will rot your teeth <3

 Dan didn’t hit snooze a single time on his alarm Monday morning. Instead, he was shooting out of bed and getting ready for the day. For the first time since the beginning of September, Dan was fully ready fifteen minutes before Phil would come by to pick him up. He had picked out a pair of jeans and jumper he normally wears, along with his shoes. It was strange for his shoes to be so worn out already. In a way, they represented him. At the beginning of his time here, he was new and uncomfortable, feeling like the odd one out. He hadn’t fit in. But now, he has grown accustomed to his new life and the people here. He has, in a sense, been ‘broken in’. He was so entirely different from who he was just a few months ago. He wondered what that Dan would think of him right now. 

 He had been stuck in his ways, introverted to his very core, unwilling to even give potential friends a chance to worm their ways into his life. He had never even thought about his sexuality before then, either. He was sure he was attracted to girls, and despite the truth ringing there, he hadn’t known it all. Or generally even cared. He never had an interest in relationships. 

 He had a girlfriend here or there, but mostly because he felt it as more of a priority than lust. It was a kind of ongoing tradition. The boys from the private school would mingle with those from the all girl private school. They were the only two expensive private schools in the area, so it was essentially a way to prove your social class.

 Dan had dated a few girls here and there, none of them lasting more than a few months. Dan would eventually tell the girl that he wasn’t romantically interested, and most of them broke it off right away, but there was also two girls that said they felt the same way. Eventually, the one girl came out as asexual, and the other girl actually just cared more about her studies and future than romantic attachments. Somehow, Dan understood that. He hadn’t felt romantic attraction towards anyone until he met Phil. He had tried, sure, but he only ended up befriending them in the end of it all.

Dan pondered all of this while he straightened his hair. After receiving minimal burns, he slinked downstairs and to the kitchen. The day had barely even started, yet Dan was happier than ever. A wide smile was plastered on his face as he dug in the refrigerator for a jalapeño cheese stick.

 Catching an eye on the clock, a thought suddenly sprung to Dan’s mind. Shrugging his jacket on and sliding his bag over his shoulders, Dan scurried out the front door, locking it behind him. He definitely had enough time, especially if he went now.

 Walking through the neighborhood in the early rays of daylight was definitely less frightening than late at night. With less paranoid thoughts of axe murderers and his impending doom, Dan made it to his destination in record time. Without giving much thought, he strode up the driveway and knocked on Phil’s front door.

 As he awaited for someone to come answer, Dan grew wary. Is it weird to come knocking on his door at this time? Would someone in the house still be asleep? What if a family member answered? Dan had no idea of what he could possibly say to Phil’s mom if she opened that door.  _ Hi, I’m dating your son now and I thought it would be cute of me to walk up the street and surprise him instead of making him drive to my house everyday for no reason whatsoever, considering i’m only a few blocks away and I don’t even give him gas money. _

 Dan turned around on his heels, ready to flee, when he heard the door open.

 Fuck.

 “Hello?” A male voice came. It wasn’t Phil’s. If Dan just ran, he could probably get away with it, but then he’d never let himself near this house ever again. Various screams running through his mind, Dan turned back to the person in question, as his eyes laid upon a guy, maybe in his early twenties, with short sandy-blonde hair and wearing presumably pajamas.

 “U-uh” Dan started, stuttering the words before they even came out. He didn’t know what to say. Was this Phil’s brother? What was his name again? Mark?

 “Listen, if you were ding dong ditching us, cool. I’ll let ya go. But just, maybe not so early in the morning, man. You look pretty young, I’m sure you have a school of some sort to be attending.” He went on, rambling the same way Phil does occasionally. Was Phil even awake yet? His car was in the driveway.

 “I-I wasn’t ding dong ditching,” Dan began, working to steady his words. Mark (or whomever) looked at him expectantly. He was definitely intimidating if he wanted to be. He was maybe an inch or two shorter than Dan, but he made up for it with his slightly more muscular build and posture. And to think he was worrying about axe murderers before. “I j-just came to uh-”

 “Martyn! Where’s my shoe?” A familiar voice called from inside the house. Dan let out some of his held in air. Right. His name was Martyn.

 “Which one did you lose now?” Martyn shouted back, slightly annoyed. He kept his eyes on Dan, causing him to shift uncomfortably on the balls of his feet.

 “The left one?” The voice got significantly closer. “I’ve looked everywhere, and I’m gonna be late picking up Dan and I-” Phil came into view behind Martyn, looking amazing as ever. Dan sighed contently just at his presence.

 “Dan!” Phil exclaimed, a huge smile growing on his face. Dan held back his coos.

 “Hi.” He said simply, smiling back. Despite feeling like the most awkward ding-dong-ditcher ever, Dan felt a blush grow on his cheeks and his heart flutter.

 “Oh!” Martyn exclaimed, glancing between the two of them. “So  _ this _ is Dan!”

 “Yeah.” Phil said absently, pushing Martyn out of the way. Martyn stepped back obediently, waggling his eyebrows at Dan, only making him more flustered.

 “Good morning.” Phil said softly, leaning against the door frame. Dan smiled shyly at him, his hands stuck awkwardly in his pockets.

 “Good morning.” He said, his voice more smooth and natural than when he spoke to Martyn.

 “What are you doing here, Dan?” Phil asked, reaching out in effort to take his hand. Dan accepted it, pulling a hand from his pocket to intertwine with Phil’s.

 “I just figured- it's a really short walk, and you should save gas.” Dan paused for a moment, and Phil raised an eyebrow, obviously knowing that wasn't all there was.

 “Also I wanted to see you.” He added quietly. Phil’s face broke out into a large grin.

 “Well, here I am.” He said, and Dan looked back up to him, an effortless smile reappearing on his face. He swung their linked hands.

 “Here you are.” He agreed.

 “Come on.” Phil shook his head, chuckling, as he pulled Dan along inside the house. He closed the door behind him and pulled Dan over to the living room couch. Dan had remembered this from when he stayed over with Louise.

 Phil pulled their interlocked hands to him, pressing a chaste kiss to the back of Dan’s hand. As if he wasn’t already blushing.

 “Sit.” He ordered softly, letting Dan’s hand go. Absentmindedly, Dan sat down on the couch. “I just need my shoes, and then we can go.”

 “Your single misplaced shoe.” Dan reminded him, smirking a little and eyeing Phil’s feet. He had a shoe tied on one foot, and a pacman sock on the other. Phil shushed him.

 “Shut up, you.” He teased, shoving Dan just slightly but enough for him to fall back farther into the couch, giggling. Phil shook his head again, but then set off in the direction of finding his lost shoe. Dan glanced around the room. This was the first time he was able to really look around. Tentatively, Dan stood up and stepped over to the mantelpiece, various framed photos littered on top of it. There were Phil’s younger school photos, Martyn as well. There were family pictures, one of them in Niagara Falls, one during what Dan assumed was Christmas with other family members, and even one in grainy quality of what Dan presumed was Phil and Martyn when they were very young. It was hard to tell who was who as they were both turned away from the camera, making faces at each other. The older boy, probably Martyn, was leaning over the arm of the couch, sticking his tongue out at his brother. The younger one, Phil, with short yellow hair at the time, was caught mid-laugh, his shoulders slumped forward, his mouth wide open, and his eyes crinkled in laughter. Dan smiled fondly.

 Louise had been right. Photos were important, no matter who or what was in it. It was memories. Even if the memories were just with his mother, they were still memories.

 “Alright, we’re good to go now.” Phil’s voice came, and Dan set the frame back down on the mantel, turning to him. Phil furrowed his brows worryingly as he shrugged his coat on. “Dan?” He stepped forward. “Are you alright?”

 “Yeah yeah, I'm okay.” Dan wiped away the tears he didn't know had fallen down his cheeks. God, he was such a crybaby.

 Phil came closer, taking Dan’s hand. Phil wouldn't press any further if Dan didn't want to talk about it. For that, he was thankful. Dan smiled lightly at him, silently confirming that he was okay.

 “I didn't know you were a blonde.” He said, changing the subject. He gestured to one of the photos of Phil and Martyn when they were younger. Phil groaned.

 “My hair is actually a really ugly brown.” He started. “I tried dyeing it bright yellow. I don't know why.”

 “So you dye it black now?” Dan asked, amused.

 “You don't like it?” Phil feigned offense, moving a hand towards his fringe. Dan laughed, moving closer to push the fringe out of his face.

 “No, no, I definitely like it.” Dan assured him. Phil smiled bashfully, and pulled him along.

 “Come on. Before we’re late.”

 

 No one seemed surprised when Dan and Phil were both found walking the halls, hand in hand with the other. It shouldn't have been, as they had held hands down the halls before. Yet some kind of casual close proximity had settled between them, in which they became attached at the hip.

 They stopped at Phil’s locker first, then Dan’s. Phil rolled his eyes when Dan complained about the lock, yet he still opened it for him anyways.

 They barely even made it to their first period class when the announcements came over the speakers.

 

_ “Dan Howell and Phil Lester, please report to the principal's office.” _

 

 Dan and Phil both shared a look before Dan sighed.

 “The article.”

 

 Collins looked between the two boys, as if he was trying to read their minds. Dan shared a puzzled look with Phil, before raising an eyebrow. Finally, Collins spoke.

 “Good morning boys. I assume you have thought over this, Dan?”

 “It’s Dan.” He immediately corrected, before realizing. “I- yeah. I have.”

 Collins leaned forward on his desk, his fingers folded together in front of him. “And?”

 Dan glanced over at Phil, who gave him a reassuring smile. Whatever reason he had for not wanting to do the article was completely diminished now. He couldn't even remember why he hadn't wanted to.

 Dan reached over and took Phil’s hand in his own, as Collins watched his actions.

 “We’ll do it.”

 Collins clapped excitedly. “Great! I'll set it up for next week. We’ll talk further on the specifics later, but we will need written consent from you parents.” Collins rambled on, but Dan wasn't paying attention anymore. He was watching Phil, who was excitedly nodding his head, processing every word Collins said.

  
  


\--

  
  


The lunch table was hectic- more so than usual. All their friends who had traveled out of town, returned the night before and were catching up. Marzia had brought back mementos from her visit to Italy, passing out various cute little gifts to everyone. Dan was confused when she handed him a stuffed animal with a hotel logo on it, until he realized.

 “This is the hotel I uh..”

 “The one you broke your arm at.” She giggled. Dan laughed too, shaking his head.

 “Very funny.”

 

 Dan tried not to notice Pj catching his eye across the table, all knowing eyes and suggestive smirks. He tried not to notice Louise’s suggestive glances, either.

 “You repainted your nails.” Phil stated, playing with Dan’s fingers.

 “Yeah, they were chipping and I got tired of black.”

 “You? Tired of black? I would never believe…” Phil trailed off, grinning. Dan shoved him lightly.

 “Actually shut up.”

 “When did you even redo it? I didn't notice at all the other-this morning.” Phil corrected himself before giving anything away. They hadn't spoken about coming out yet, despite half of their friends already knowing.

 “I did it for him.” Louise cut in, smiling proudly. “Came over while he was whining about you.”

 “Lou!” Dan whined. She reflexively covered her mouth, apologizing profusely.

 “Whining about me, eh?” Phil smiled. Dan blushed, shrugging. This felt so routine. The smiles, the blushing. It felt so natural.

 Louise turned back to her own conversation, letting them be.

 “I like it.” Phil whispered, interlocking their fingers once again. His glasses were sliding dangerously low on his nose. He went to go push them back up without a second thought, and Dan cooed. Phil raised a questioning eyebrow, and before Dan could say or do anything, he reached up to take off his glasses, instead clumsily placing them on Dan.

 Looking through the lenses was, well, interesting. Everything was blurry, until he purposely tried to focus on something. It was like a shitty camera lens.

 “Holy fuck, you're blind.” Dan muttered, hearing Phil’s small giggles in response. Despite looking through the lenses, the glasses themselves didn't even fit on him.

 “Also, your head is tiny. I feel like I'm gonna break these.” Dan moved to take the glasses off, but Phil stopped his hand.

 “No, keep them on.” He said, and Dan rolled his eyes. “You look nerdy and cute.”

 “Phil.”

 “Well, more so than normal.”

 “ _ Phil _ .”

 He leaned forward and pecked Dan on the lips, taking him by surprise. Dan burst into a fit of nervous giggles.

 “You’re so cheesy.”

 “A good kind of cheesy?”

 “Questionable.”

 Phil laughed and took his glasses back, leaving Dan’s eyes to adjust and his flustered blushing to settle down.

 “So when are you taking me on this lovely date, Mr. Romantic?” Dan asked, using his best flirtatious tone ****. Phil hummed, thinking for a moment.

 “Saturday?”

 “Ugh, that's so far away.”

 “It's the closest day where we won't be forced to think about school the entire day.”

 “Fair point.” Dan scooted closer to him, in which not only their shoulders were touching but their thighs as well. “Where are we going?”

 “Hmmm.” Phil hummed once again. This time with more of a teasing attitude. “Eager, are we?”

 “I just wanna know how you plan to woo me.”

 “Well, I  _ did _ kiss you in the rain the other night.”

 Dan laughed.

 “Yes, that definitely did woo me.” He agreed, “But what about future woos?”

 “Please stop saying woo.” Phil leaned against Dan, laughing into his shoulder.

 “ _ Please _ get a room.” Chris cut in, causing the two to jump apart. The attention of the table was now on them, a mix of suggestive and confused glances being sent their way. Dan felt his face go hot.

 “Stop eavesdropping.” He muttered, and Chris grinned.

 “It’s hard not to notice you two lovebirds over there.” Pj added teasingly.

 “ _ Peej _ .” Phil whined, sending him pleading looks.

 “Yeah,” Jack stepped in, “When are you two gonna get married already? I have a pretty tight schedule.” Dan buried his face in his hands. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this flushed over something before.

 “Well, clear it.” A voice came from outside the table. Dan peered between his fingers, as Zoe Sugg stood over their table, behind Jack and Dean. She was a lovely girl- the other half of the Sugg siblings. Her long brown hair was pulled up into a high ponytail, and she was holding metallic green envelopes in her hands. “You’ve got a party to go to.” She handed him an envelope, and then proceeded around the table, handing out the envelopes to everyone, even one to Dan. He smiled lightly as he took the envelope in his hands, running his finger over the fancy cursive lettering spelling out his name.

 “She spelt my name right this time.” Felix said once she walked away. Mazia elbowed him in the side and he let out a laugh. “What? It’s the first time she wrote my last name.”

 “Dude, can you blame her?” Dean asked. “No one knows how to pronounce your last name, let alone spell it.”

 Dan peered over at Phil, who seemed mesmerized by his envelope. He leaned closer, staring at Phil’s envelope as well.

 “What is this?” He asked, breaking Phil from his trance.

 “Uh, invitations. To the Sugg New Years party. They have one every year.”

 “Ah. So why is it so exciting?”

 “I mean the party is great. Party of the year, really. But she’s never handed out green metallic envelopes. Usually they’re gold.”

 “Are you offended by the green?”

 “No! No, I just- I’ve always wanted a metallic green envelope.”

 “What?” Dan laughed.

 “I don’t know why.”

 “That’s so weird.”

 Phil turned to him, almost offendedly.

 “It’s a cute kind of weird.” Dan assured with a laugh. Phil elbowed him.

 “Shut up.”

 

 “So…” Phil started, as they walked down the East Hall to English class. Their interlocked hands swung back and forth between them as they walked along in synchronized harmony. Dan had felt on the edge of floating all day. All of the tension that had accumulated in his chest has disintegrated, leaving him completely devoid of dilemma.

 “So?” He asked, knocking their shoulders together, playfully.

 “So, are you going to Zoe’s party?” Phil asked. Dan was focused on the way Phil adjusted his backpack on his shoulder, and the way he flipped his fringe out of his eyes. God.

 “Probably… When is it again?” Dan asked, distracted. Phil glanced over to him and he blinked, pretending that he totally wasn't checking him out. Phil laughed.

 “ _ Dan _ …. It's a new year's party.” He teased, bumping their shoulders together.

 “Sh-shut up.” Dan mumbled, feeling his cheeks go red. Phil chuckled again and brought their intertwined hands back up to press another chaste kiss to Dan’s hand.

 If this was what dating Phil Lester was like, Dan could comfortably say that he’d avoid everyone else for the rest of his life. Maybe he just wasn't used to dating, yet. Or he just didn't really understand how to date someone in the first place. He understood the stigma and culture around dating and romance, but he had never truly experienced it first-hand. He’s heard of butterflies in your stomach, but he was never told about the warm feeling in his chest when Phil so much as smiled at him. He wasn't told about how much his cheeks would flush when Phil said something cute or caught him checking him out. No one told him how just seeing and talking to Phil made him smile, even when he hadn’t felt like smiling all day.

 No one told him that.

 “Yeah, I'll probably go.” Dan said after his emotions were under control and his face didn't feel so hot. A sudden thought popped into his head. “Well, maybe.”

 Phil's turned to him questioningly, “Maybe?”

 “Uhh yeah..” Dan rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. How does he say this?

 “I'm kind of going away for Christmas.”

 “You are?”

 He nodded. “Yeah, it was a whole thing. Over break, my mum had a sit down with me and we worked through some stuff and we’re going back to London for Christmas.”

 “Oh.”

 “We’re uh.. we’re going to see my dad.” The words felt surprisingly easy to say. It didn't feel like a huge weight to get off his shoulders. Somehow, he felt more comfortable talking about it around Phil than he realized.

 Which he never did. He's never said a word about his dad around Phil or any of his friends. Phil seemed to realize that as he stopped, Dan pausing in his walk as well. The look on Phil’s face was hard to read, as he came closer and enveloped Dan in a hug.

 “Phil..?”

 “Go.”

 “What?”

 “Go see your dad.”

 Dan smiled.

 “I dunno, Zoe’s party sounds way more fun.”

 “Not important.”

 “I could probably be back in time for-”

 “ _ Dan. _ ”

 He sighed, resting his head on Phil’s shoulder. When they released from the hug, Phil smiled lightly at him, and Dan couldn't contain his heart eyes. They rejoined hands and continued to their next class.

 And Dan kept wondering what the world did to deserve a Phil Lester.

 

\--

 

For Dan, the week went by in a disorienting blur of school, home cooked meals, friendly mockery, and Phil. Everything essentially was just leading up to Saturday.

 After Phil dropped him off at his house Friday afternoon with a kiss on the cheek and a sultry wink sent his way, Dan spent practically the entire rest of the day picking out an outfit. To the point that his mother actually came into his bedroom, suddenly alarmed by the horrendous mess of clothes around his room, and the sulking boy sitting in front of his closet.

 “Dan, honey, what is going on here?” She asked, stepping slowly through the apocalyptic wasteland that was his bedroom floor.

 Dan, meanwhile, was staring at a jumper in his hands, running the thin, bamboo leaf patterned fabric between his fingers.

 “I called you down to dinner an hour ago.” His mother continued, eventually making her way to where Dan was perched on the floor.

 “Not hungry.” He muttered, shaking his head and throwing the jumper over his shoulder behind him.  _ No, that one won't do _ .

 “Since when are you not hungry?” She questioned, and he picked up the moth patterned shirt off of his floor. It looked lovely when he had it hung up in his closet, but after being on the floor, it was horrendously wrinkled. 

 “Daniel, what's this about? Why are you going through your clothes like this? When did you even-” she stopped herself before she finished her sentence. Dan almost laughed.  _ 'when did u even get these clothes’ _

 “I uh, I have a date tomorrow.” Dan said as nonchalantly as he could possibly muster. He wasn't sure why this was hard to admit to her. He's already told her he likes Phil. She knows he's not straight. Yet somehow, it still feels like a dirty little secret that he should be ashamed of.

 “Oh.” She answered. He heard her sit on his bed behind him. He physically restrained himself from tensing up too much.

 “Yeah.”

 “With Phil?”

 Dan's head shot over his shoulder. She smirked at him, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. Unbelievable.

 “I- how did-”

 “Haven't we already been over this? I'm perfectly fine with you dating him.” She paused for a moment. “Definitely need to invite him over for tea, though.”

 Dan groaned. “Absolutely not.”

 She shook her head. “If his mum gets to meet you, I get to meet him. Besides, I would like to meet this god that somehow puts up with you.”

 “Thanks, mum.”

 “Now, let's find an outfit, shall we? Want you to look handsome on your date.”

 

 After many suggestions from her and declines from Dan, they eventually found an outfit. At one period of time, Dan almost thought he was being a bit overdramatic about the whole thing, and Phil would just wear something casual and usual for himself on the date. Then the image of Phil freaking out over his wardrobe as much as he did came to him, and he smiled.

 Despite any comments from Phil, Dan straightened his hair. The curls were not something he wanted to deal with today. He also made sure to apply a thick coat of chapstick to his lips, hoping they’d be soft and plump and kissable. He wasn't lying if he said he'd kiss Phil again. Technically, Phil kissed him. Twice. It only felt right that Dan kissed him today.

 He had no idea how long he stared at himself in the mirror, adjusting his shirt collar (they had decided to go with the moth shirt), or fixing his hair, or brushing his teeth another time- just to make sure his breath was fresh.

 Dan also wasn't exactly sure when Phil would be there. He had said around 6 o’clock, but knowing Phil, he could be really early (as usual), or astonishingly late. Dan almost thought he had enough time to change again. However, a ring of the doorbell at 6:02 changed his mind.

 Rushing downstairs and ignoring his mother leering from the couch with a magazine in hand, Dan took a deep breath, and opened the door.

 He was met with Phil, of course.

 Phil, who was sporting his dorky red and blue shoes, the shoelaces aggressively knotted together and then shoved into his shoes. He was wearing his regular black skinny jeans, something Dan could comfortably say was present in both of their closets, and a button up shirt with little cartoon dogs printed on it. He was without glasses (slightly disappointing to Dan) but his eyes were a bright greeny-yellow-blue, and his bright smile made Dan’s heart swoon. Not to mention the flowers in his hand.

_ Flowers? _

 “Hi.” He said, almost shyly. His natural aura of confidence around Dan seemed to fade a bit, shyness instead taking part. Dan wanted to kiss him right then and there.

 “Hi.” Dan answered softly, keeping his coo’s at bay.

 “These are for you.” Phil said, a soft smile returning as he handed the bouquet out to Dan. And elegant display of black roses surrounded by a clear plastic wrap. Dan wasn't sure why that was when he really noticed them.

 He gasped. “You got me flowers?” He went to take them before pulling his hands back, and instead digging around in his pockets. 

 “Wait, I need to-” he pulled out his phone, opening his camera.

 “ _ Dan _ . Is this really necessary?” Phil complained, rolling his eyes.

 “Uh, duh.” Was Dan’s reply as he held the camera up to point at him. “This would look hella cute on my instagram.”

 Phil blushed, the shyly look returning, and Dan managed to snap a photo of it, before putting his phone away again. He took the roses in his hands and inhaled their scent, letting out little appreciative noises.

 “Lemme just get a vase for these real quick..” he mumbled, turning back not even a foot into the house, and placing them in the vase upon the end table by the couch. His mother sent him a wink from behind her magazine and Dan rolled his eyes before quickly returning to the door.

 Phil smiled at him, and Dan was pretty sure he was radiating sunlight. God.

 “Ready to go?” He asked, outstretching his hand. Dan smiled back and took it, shouting back an “I'll be back later, mum!” Before shutting the door behind them. 

 Walking to the car, Phil opened the passenger door for him, and he put a hand to his chest mocking adoration.

 “And they say chivalry is dead.” Dan commented, climbing in.

 “Oh shut up.” Phil said, rolling his eyes. He might've been trying to contain a smile, but it wasn't working.

 Dan felt like a giant cluster of nerves as they drove down the road. What if he messed up and Phil decided he didn't like Dan anymore? What if Dan decided he didn't like Phil anymore? Hah, as if that would happen.

 Somehow instinctively, Phil reached over and took Dan’s hand in his own.

 “Stop thinking so much, bear.” Dan felt himself ease down at the words softly spoken.

 “I'm just- I'm nervous. That's all.” He answered quietly. He felt Phil's thumb trace over his hand.

 “If it makes you feel better, I'm nervous too.” He said, pausing at the stop light to look over at him.

 Dan looked up from their interlocked hands. It was hard to imagine Phil nervous or freaked out over something, especially himself. They shared a moment, eyes locked onto each other, until the light turned green and Phil paid his attention back to the road.

 They soon arrived at a small diner called Sunnydale’s, and Phil made a point to specify why he had picked it.

 “It's the nicest place I know of in town. The staff are kind, and the customers usually always are as well. There's like a whole 'no discrimination’ rule, so I figured it'd be the best place we could go.” He paused, then added “also they have the best milkshakes.”

 Upon opening the car door for Dan and holding hands till they got in, Dan spoke his thoughts aloud.

 “I've never had an American milkshake.” He admitted.

 “Is there a difference between American and British milkshakes?” Phil asked curiously.

 “I don't think so? The only place I've ever gone in back there was Shake-a-way. They have the best flavors, it's amazing.” 

 “Hmm…” Phil hummed, leading him further, “well, prepare to have your taste buds challenged.” He pushed open the door, leading Dan inside.

 The whole diner had a 1950s pastel retro aesthetic to it. The walls were a minty green or cotton candy pink, and the booths and chairs were a baby blue color. Spherical lights hung over the bar and the individual tables, brightly lighting up the entire diner. A neon Cola sign hung up on the wall behind the bar was lit hot pink, and the large jukebox in the corner of the diner was playing what Dan assumed were old classics from the time period. Walking along the pink and white tiled floor, Dan felt like if there were any place to get milkshakes, this was it. All he needed was a poodle skirt and his boyfriend in a black leather jacket with his hair slick back, and he could be transported back in time. As the waitress led them to a booth, Dan glanced at the bright neon sign hanging above the jukebox player entitled with “ _ kindness is the way to a peaceful day _ ”. He smiled at that as Phil took his hand once again.

 Upon seating them, the waitress went to hand them a couple of menus, but Phil waved her off.

 “Actually, we’ll just take a Frosty Shake Special with two straws, please.” He said, and she nodded, smiling knowingly before leaving to put in the order.

 “This place is crazy aesthetic.” Dan said, glancing around at the knickknacks on the walls and the colorful chairs at the bar.

 “I knew you’d like it.” Phil said simply, leaning on his hands. It took Dan a moment to even realize that he was staring at him.

 “I really do.” Dan reiterated. He leaned forward on his hands as well, taking in the view in front of him. A humble smile was spread across Phil's lips, and his eyes half-lidded as he peacefully watched him. This didn't even feel like a date. For Dan it felt like any other time they’d hang out at the mall or after school.

 “Didn't you have to work today?” Dan asked suddenly, the thought crossing his mind. Phil perked up a bit.

 “I found someone to cover my shift today.” He answered plainly. This time, Dan couldn't hold back his coo's.

 “Awh you took off work for me?” He tried to say it mockingly, but a hint of adoration became present in undertone. “What a gentleman.”

 “People say chivalry is dead,” Phil smiled, “but I'm reviving it.” Dan let out a sudden loud laugh, almost self conscious of it afterwards.

 “You absolute dork. Shut up.” He mumbled between giggles. Phil ended up laughing, too. They died back down just as the waitress came back with their milkshake. It was a pink liquid in a cup with swirling designs engraved into the glass. It was topped off with whipped cream and a cherry, along with two striped straws.

 “Ooo can I have the cherry?” Dan had always liked maraschino cherries, and had been the one to snag them from others’ sundaes when they weren't looking.

 Phil nodded, another chuckle escaping him. Without a second thought, Dan picked the cherry out of the whipped cream, biting into the tiny fruit, breaking the skin and letting the sweet and slightly bitter juice flow over his tongue. Phil let out another laugh before dipping his finger into the whipped cream and taking some into his mouth. Dan leaned forward and took a sip of the milkshake. The cold liquid ran over his tongue, sparking up every tastebud there, leaving them tingling, craving more of the sweet drink.

 “Oh my god.” He moaned. It was only strawberry flavored, but god damn it was good.

 “Right?” Phil agreed before taking a sip. “Who knew strawberry shakes could be so amazing?”

 “Apparently me.”

 

 They talked some more for a while, until long after the milkshake was gone. It felt so normal. They already knew most things about each other, so they didn't have to uneasily mud through the trenches of “get to know you” territory. When one laughed, it was from an inside joke the other had said. No matter what, they still shamelessly flirted with each other.

 “I bet you’re great at it.” Phil said, tracing circles in Dan’s palm with his finger.

 “I sound like an injured toad.” Dan dejected, rolling his eyes.

 “Okay, but you're self taught! Not many people can say that.” Phil continued on. “How were you even inspired so much to play? You procrastinate everything. You procrastinate texting me sometimes.” Dan flushed and quickly muttered a 'do not’.

 “Uh remember the TV show Arthur?”

 “Yeah?”

 “Well there was an episode I saw where he played für elise and well, that did it for me.”

 “Oh my god.”

 “I know.”

 “You were in love with Arthur.”

 Dan gave him a look before moving his hand back to lightly hit him. “I so was not.” He claimed, letting out a laugh.

 “Oh my god, you so were.” Phil teased further, holding back his laughter.

 “ _ Phil _ .”

 “Am I gonna have to compete with a cartoon aardvark?”

 “ _ Oh my god shut up. _ ” Dan complained, giggling all the while.

 Phil hummed for a moment, before moving out of the booth-much to Dan's confusion- and sliding in right next to him.

 “What are you doing?” Dan asked, still giggling a little.

 “I wanted to sit next to you.” Phil said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders. Dan raised an eyebrow.

 “Why?”

 “So I could do this.” He said before leaning towards him and pressing their lips together. Dan let out a quiet squeak before eventually moving his lips to kiss back. He still hadn't gotten the hang of being randomly kissed but in the end, Phil's lips were soft, and as they parted, Dan could taste the hint of that strawberry milkshake still lingering. Sweet and 

 He whined when Phil pulled back.

 “Are you wearing chapstick?” He mumbled, looking a bit dazed through half-lidded eyes.

_ Fuck. _

_  Am I busted? _

 “I uh-”

 “It tastes like mangoes.” He said, and Dan nodded slightly before leaning back to grab a napkin. Maybe chapstick was a bad idea after all.

 “I can uh- wipe it-”

 “No no no.” Phil stopped him, his hand soft, yet firm around his wrist enclosing the napkin. The blue eyes locked on him contently. Dan blinked. “I like it.” He leaned forward again to reconnect their lips, and Dan sighed contently, dropping the napkin and moving his hand back up to cup Phil’s cheek. He held back a moan as their lips moved in synch, and as Phil licked his bottom lip. Tasting the chapstick, he presumed.

 “If we’re-” Dan mumbled between kisses, “gonna do- this- then we- should- probably go.”

 Phil pulled back, nodding in agreement. He turned back towards the diner.

 “Check please!”

 

 They barely even made it that far in Phil’s car, as Dan kept pointedly reapplying chapstick and kissing between Phil’s knuckles.

 When they did stop, however, Dan glanced out the window and saw they were at some cliffside, a view of the town in front of them.

 The sky was dark now, and the stars were out, gleaming in the sky. Dan couldn't help stare at them as he got out of the car. Phil met him in the front by the hood, and interlocked their hands once again.

 “Wow.” Was all Dan could say, as he looked out at the view before him. It was hard to see in the dark, even with the lights of the town shining down on everything. Yet, he could still make out the neighborhoods and the local shops around, even the diner they were just at.

 Phil nudged him, “hey,” he started. When Dan looked over, Phil pointed up. “Look at that.” Dan followed his view and saw the moon, it's crescent shape shining in the sky. It was beautiful, and this time they weren't peacefully watching it while on the phone, pretending the other was really there. Finally, they were seeing it together.

 He wasn't even taken by surprise when Phil's lips found his again. Leaning back against the hood of the car, Dan parted his lips, allowing Phil to take control. He gasped as Phil pressed the kiss further, his hands wandering to Dan’s hips, and brushing against the skin under his jumper, his skin tingling under Phil’s cold fingers. Dan’s hands ran up Phil’s chest instinctively, to wrap around his neck and pull him in closer, and  _ god, he's wanted this forever _ .

 

 They only did break apart when Phil’s lips traveled south, pressing soft smooches to Dan’s jaw.

 Dan used this time to catch his breath, opening his eyes slightly to glance back up at the stars. This was only for a moment though, as Phil pressed a kiss to the crook of Dan’s neck and he gasped, his head falling back on the hood of the car.

 Phil let out a chuckle, before pressing another kiss there. “Are you sensitive here?” He mumbled against the skin and Dan whined. He let out another chuckle before pressing his lips again to his neck, adhering soft kisses all around. Dan let out a sultry whine, wriggling underneath Phil’s touch. It made his skin tingle and his legs weak. When Phil sunk his teeth into the sensitive skin on his neck, was when Dan really couldn't hold in his moans.

 “Ph-Phil, are you-” he gasped again as Phil bit harder in the same spot, sucking the skin between his teeth. Despite the pain, it was almost euphoric, and Dan tried to keep his thoughts straight so his reaction wouldn't travel straight to his crotch.

 “Oh my  _ god _ .” He panted, squeezing his eyes shut as a bite of pain soared through his neck. It was calmed down with a delicate kiss, and Phil moved back to reconnect their lips before Dan could even really string a couple of words together and speak them.

 

 “Wow.” was all Dan could say when they finally released later on. Phil laughed, a bit breathless.

 “Sorry, I went a little overboard there.” He said, his thumb hovering slightly over the dark spot on Dan's neck. Dan shuddered, and pressed closer to him.

 “No no, it was-god-it was hot.” He stuttered, pressing his hand over Phil’s. He felt Phil smile against him.

 “I've like, I've never been this attracted to anyone, ever.” Phil admitted, mumbling. Dan ran his hands over his arms reassuringly, trying not to blush too much.

 “Me neither.” he admitted, “I've never been attracted to anyone, like, ever.”

 Phil hummed, tracing the bruise on his neck.

 “You know my mum is gonna see that,” Dan started, “and like, think suspicious things.”

 Phil frowned. “She doesn't already know?”

 “Well yeah, she knows, but I don't know… she might think we’re doing  _ other things _ .”

 “I mean, we could..” Phil hinted, leaning flush against him and Dan let out a loud laugh as Phil winked.

 “ _ Stop. _ Oh my god I hate you.” Dan said, as Phil pressed a kiss to the spot behind his ear, causing his sentence to end with a small whine. “ _ Phil… _ ” 

 “Hm?” He pulled back, and Dan whimpered, pouting at him. Phil laughed, before pressing their lips back together.

 

 It wasn't a surprise to Dan when he saw what the time was. The sun had gone down far too long ago, and the sky was grotesquely dark. He almost leaned more into Phil, as if it would protect him from potential axe-murderers and Bigfoot.

 “Are you scared of the dark?” Phil asked, breaking the silence and Dan’s paranoid thoughts.

 “No.” He said firmly, his voice wavered as he hung tightly to his boyfriend’s arm.

 “I'm gonna lose circulation in my arm.”

 “Listen. Everyone fears the unknown.”

 “Yeah, I guess that's true.” Phil forced Dan off his arm and instead wrapped it protectively around his shoulders, allowing Dan to cuddle further to him, hugging his waist.

 “I just maybe.. think about it more than others do.” He said promptly. Phil laughed softly, running his hand soothingly up and down Dan’s back. Somehow, Dan felt safer from the paranoia-infused demons lurking in the dark. However, he was still shivering.

 “Did you bring a jacket?” Phil asked, his voice low and close. Dan shook his head no.

 Without a thought, Phil moved away from him for a moment, much to Dan’s distaste, and pulled off his yellow hoodie, handing it to Dan. When did he even put a hoodie on? Dan stared at it in his hands.

 “Sorry it won't match your aesthetic or whatever, but I don't want you to freeze.”

 Dan smiled wonkily, his lip trembling, as he pulled the hoodie on. He moved back to cuddle into Phil. “If it's yours, then I love it.”

 Phil wrapped his arm around Dan once again, and Dan intertwined their fingers together.

 “I hope you know, you're never getting this back.”

 “You know what else is full of the unknown?”

 “What?”

 “You said a moment ago that the dark is full of the unknown. You wanna know what else is?”

 “....What?”

 “Space. But look at it, it's so beautiful, and full of mysteries.”

 With that thought in mind, Dan turned his attention towards the sky, basking in the glow of the stars littered up there. Phil was right. Space was full of never ending unanswered questions and yet it was breathtaking, and Dan wanted to bathe in the night sky.

 “Yeah, it is.” Dan said lightly. Tracing the stars, he eventually pointed out a cluster of them that formed a constellation.

 “There's the Big Dipper.” He announced, and then let his hand fall back to him. “That's uh- that's the only one I know.”

 Phil took a hold of his hand and pointed at another spot in the sky. “Right there? That's Orion's Belt.”

 Dan squinted, trying to find a way to form those stars into a constellation. Phil dropped his hand and lightly pressed his forefingers to Dan’s chin, purposely turning his head in the slightest direction. Suddenly, Dan could see the formation.

 “Oh my god, I see it!” He exclaimed, taking Phil's hand into his own again.

 “I took astronomy last year. It was the only class I kept a consistent 100 in.” Phil explained, and Dan grinned.

 “Do another! Do another!” He pleaded, and Phil laughed before pointing out another cluster of stars.

 “There’s Gemini.” He noted, and Dan smiled to himself.

 “I'm a Gemini.” He stated, and Phil turned to him.

 “Wait really?”

 “Yep, June 11.”

 “Hmm… No wonder you’re so pretty all the time.”

 “Hey!” Dan playfully hit him, and instead of teasing more, Phil brought their lips together in a quick kiss.

 “I'm kidding, bear.” He whispered. “But you are petty.”

 Dan pouted, crossing his arms. “You know what? I really don't think this relationship is gonna work out.” He obviously knew how petty that sounded, but with a mocking tone, he pouted and looked away from Phil.

 However, he couldn't help the giggles when Phil pressed little kisses to his cheek.

 

 Dan was almost upset to go home. He wanted the date to last forever. He wanted to lay under the stars on the hood of Phil’s car, wrapped up in his arms until morning came.

 “You can come visit me while I work tomorrow.” Phil offered through the silence, as if reading Dan’s mind seemed to be a legitimate superpower he had. 

 “It's harder to kiss you from over a counter.” Dan complained. It's not like Dan wouldn't go visit him at work. Besides the past weekend, he’s never not visited Phil at work since he moved here. Besides, Phil makes tasty drinks. “I'll have to make heart-eyes from afar.” 

 Phil took their hands together. “I'll make them right back at you.”

 

 “So how was your date?” was the first thing Dan heard as he stepped into the house. Phil, being the obvious gentleman he was, had walked him to his front door, and they stared at their linked hands and each other for a while, until the delayed sensor floodlights came on.

 'Text me?’

 'Obviously.’

 Now, Dan leaned against the door, his fingers tracing his lips where Phil had kissed, a tingly feeling spreading throughout them. Consciously, Dan arranged the collar of his jumper to cover up the hickey on his neck. Damn Phil for being frisky, and damn Phil for purposely putting it in a noticeable spot, and damn Dan for liking it so much. He had obviously had more dating experience than Dan had.

 “It was great.” Dan answered his mother, trying to sound nonchalant. He didn't pull it off very well, as she peered over her magazine at him and winked.

 “Mmhm. I bet that hickey on your neck felt great too, huh.” She smirked.

 “Goodnight mum.” was all Dan could squeak out before shuffling upstairs. He silently wondered if he’ll ever stop blushing this much over Phil.

 Lying in bed in his fuzzy pajamas, Dan posted the photo he took of Phil earlier on Instagram,  along with the caption:

 

_  Black? I'm yours @amazingphil _

 

 Ten minutes later, after some notifications rolled in, he found the most important ones.

 

_ @amazingphil liked your photo _

  
_  @amazingphil commented on your photo: they match your heart  <3 _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this fic, feel free to give kudos and leave a lovely comment down below! Many recent comments have influenced me to get back to this fic, so your encouragement does really help! Also bookmark or subscribe to this fic if you want notifications for when I update!  
> Once again, thank you to my best friend Grace for Beta-ing this for me, because i'm too shy to ask anyone else to do it. You da best


	9. looking through a cracked mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can you please just open your gift?” He begged. “I'm hungry.”
> 
> “Wow, now he doesn't even want to see my reaction. Just wants to get it over with.” Dan shook his head, trying to hide the smirk growing on his face.
> 
> “Dan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is entirely fiction. This is not how I assume Dan, Phil, or any of these characters act in real life.
> 
> Warning: Sexual content

 “Would you ever own a pet snake?” Phil asked from beside Dan, bafflingly breaking the comfortable silence once there.

 They were in Phil’s room, cuddled up on his bed while Dan played Skyrim on his Xbox. Of course Dan could play it at home, on a much larger and more high definition television, but he would rather be wrapped up in the warm and protective hold of his boyfriend. Plus, it was nice to play games around someone else who played them just as avidly. Phil's family never even seemed to bother them, even after finding out that they were dating. And if he was being perfectly honest, Dan wasn't keen on his mother interrogating Phil just yet. He wasn't even sure what she would say or do.

 “uhh, maybe? Depends, I guess. I've never even touched a snake, let alone had one as a pet.” Dan mumbled as he fumbled with the game controller. Within a few seconds and he was quietly cheering after successfully slaying a dragon.

 “What about a pet dragon?” Phil asked once again. His hand wrapped around Dan was running soothingly up and down his arm, and Dan almost couldn't even concentrate on the game, let alone the strange questions.

 “I don't know.” He answered, pausing the game. He turned his head back to look at him, “Would you?”

 Phil seemed to ponder it for a moment. “Possibly. As long as I have a big enough house.”

 “So you want to live in a castle.” Dan dejected, smirking a little.

 “Well obviously. Who doesn't want to live in a castle?”

 “Fair point.”

 Dan watched him for a moment, as Phil was awaiting Dan to unpause the game and continue. Puzzled realization soon dawned upon his face, and Dan almost laughed at watching the discovery.

 “What?” He asked, looking confused. Dan smiled, shyly.

 “You’re pretty.” He mumbled. Phil laughed, shaking his head.

 “You don't need to flirt with me Dan, I already like you.”

 “No, I'm not flirting I just-” he huffed. “I just really like you.” With a small smile, he tossed the controller aside and leaned up to kiss him, lightly pressing a hand to his cheek. He meant to make it a brief kiss, but Phil pulled him closer, rolling them over until he was successfully on top of him. Dan let out a confused noise, yet stayed compliant. Phil gently ran his hands over Dan’s, moving to pin them down against the bed, and a small giggle echoed in the back of Dan’s throat. He pulled back off for a brief second.

 “You really like to take control, huh?” He said casually, glancing up at his eyes. Phil's eyes were glazed over and lustful, something Dan had never seen before, yet something he never wanted to not see. Phil glanced between Dan’s lips to his eyes.

 “Sorry, I get really lost in the moment.” He paused. “Is this okay? I can stop if it's too much.” 

 “No, no.” Dan said, shaking his head. “Fuck, no, don't stop.”

 Phil smiled and leant back down, but instead of reconnecting their lips, he pressed soft smooches to Dan’s neck, Dan subconsciously turning his head back to give him more room.

 “Don't get me wrong, i-” he gasped as Phil pressed a kiss to an overly sensitive place. “-i like it.” Phil hummed against him, and Dan moved to intertwine their hands together. “Do NOT give me a hickey again. I don't think my mum will keep quiet if she sees another one.”

 Phil pulled back, looking somewhat shocked and perplexed. “She saw it?”

 “Well you didn't exactly put it in an easy place to hide. You're just lucky it's appropriate weather for scarves.”

 “I know I am. You looked absolutely gorgeous in that scarf.” Phil smirked lopsidedly.

 “Don't objectify me.”

 Phil rolled his eyes, “shut uuuup.” He whined and kissed him again before Dan could think of a witty comeback.

 His lips were soft and warm, and with a simple lick, Dan found that his mouth tasted like the sweet buttery popcorn they had earlier when watching Kill Bill.

 Once again, that painfully hot feeling stirred in the pits of his stomach, and Dan wondered if he would explode from all of this excitement, whether it be his entire body, or just his crotch.

 However, when Phil abruptly pulled back, Dan came to his senses and realized that there had been a loud knock on the door. Or rather the door frame, as Martyn stood there in the doorway looking both mischievous and slightly mortified.

 “Uh, you might want to close your door next time you decide to make out.” He said, and Phil huffed, blowing his fringe out of his face.

 “Not allowed to close the door. You'd probably think we’re doing much worse.” He said blankly. Dan felt the blush grow on his cheeks. Did Phil just insinuate that there was a possibility that they would have sex while his entire family was home?

 Martyn widened his eyes, looking clearly mortified now at the thought of his little brother and his boyfriend committing such acts. He cleared his throat. “Well then only get… weird.. when no one else is home, alright.”

 “There's nothing weird about kissing my boyfriend.” Phil said simply.

 “Phil.” Dan warned under his breath. That's not what his brother meant and he knows it. Phil looked back to him, winking, then giving him a quick, yet overly sensual kiss. He pulled away all too soon, obviously, as the kiss had only been for show. Dan didn't dare look away from Phil. His chest felt heavy and his heart was beating so so fast. He wasn't sure how just a kiss could make him so needy. So needy for more kisses, more touches, more  _ Phil. _

 “Phil.” Martyn’s voice came, a stronger warning than Dan’s had been. Phil rolled his eyes.

 “Alright alright, fine.” He said, and after Martyn had presumably left, he turned back to Dan.

 “What?” He asked, in the same way he had just a little while ago, before Dan had originally kissed him. Now, Dan’s chest ached with want, and his lips vibrated. He wanted more more more.

 “You make my heart melt.” The words came tumbling out of his lips before he could remind himself how cringe they were. Phil smiled, pressing another quick and soft kiss to his lips.

 “Mario kart?”

 Dan nodded.

 “Mario kart.”

 And a few minutes later, after they were situated on the bed side by side, controllers in hand, Phil spoke.

 “Me too.”

 “What?” Dan asked, confused, as he browsed through the tracks.

 “I really like you, too.”

 

\--

 

 The memory made Dan sad. Besides feeling all hot and bothered, he felt a saddening ache well up in his chest and through his throat. It was only just a week ago, and yet he felt so entirely far away and lost without Phil.

 As he sat in his grandparent’s living room, his relatives all babbling to each other about whatever, Dan could only think of Phil.

 When his cousins arrived, they dragged him down to the basement, where the old Nintendo systems their grandfather owned were set up. They all fought over the controller while they played Super Mario Bros. 3, but Dan didn't join like he always did. He sat in the corner of the couch, watching silently as they bickered.

 “No, save the whistle!”

 “Screw that! I wanna win!”

 “You just wanna try and beat world 8 without power ups, you show off.”

 “Piss off, Kyle.”

 

 Within a few minutes on world 8 level 1, and Dan’s phone buzzed. He dug it out of his pocket, grinning wildly when he saw Phil’s contact on the screen.

 Without another word, Dan stood up and quickly walked to the bathroom, trying not look anywhere slightly out of the ordinary.

 Once in the bathroom, he quickly locked the door and leaned his back against it, answering the phone.

 “Hey.” Phil’s soft voice came into the receiver. Dan sighed, content.

 “Hey, you.” He said back, almost regretting it. “did you just wake up? You sound cozy.”

 A low chuckle came through, and Dan smiled. “Yeah, it’s like 8 o’clock. I don't think any of my cousins are awake yet, which is a plus.”

 “Lucky you. Mine are fighting over world 8 in Super Mario.”

 “Seriously? Fuck that world. It was made to piss everyone off.” 

 Dan giggled, and after a moment of silence, he swallowed and said the words he'd been wanting to say for the past week.

 “I miss you.”

 “I miss you, too.” He said softly, and besides feeling more warm and content just from hearing those words from Phil, a long tear fell down his cheek.

 “Stop it.” Phil's voice spoke again.

 “Stop what?”

 “Stop with those puppy dog eyes. I know you’re making them.”

 Dan laughed a little, wiping the tear from his cheek. “Am not.” He said quietly.

 “I love you.” Phil said, and Dan’s lip quivered.

 “I love you, too.” He said quietly. Subconsciously, his fingers wrapped around the pendant necklace he was wearing.

 “Will you tell me how pretty your moon is later?” Phil asked. He seemed sad, too. Dan wondered if he felt just as lost as Dan did without him.

 “Absolutely. In full detail. 3 pages, double spaced, Times New Roman, MLA format.”

 “On my desk Monday.” Phil ordered. They both giggled.

 “Daaaaaan.” A voice came after a knock upon the door.

 “What? I'm in the loo!” He shouted back.

 “But we need your help!”

 Dan rolled his eyes, “you seriously can't do world 8 by yourself?”

 “It's haaard!”

 Another voice came behind him.

 “And Kyle keeps giving really bad advice!” Julie added.

 “What's going on?” Phil asked through the phone.

 “They can't get past level 1.” Dan mumbled, and Phil chuckled. “Fine, I'll be there in a minute!” He shouted back. After a few moments, and he was sure they were gone from the door, he sat down on the toilet lid.

 “I guess that's your queue.” Phil said. He didn't sound as upset about it as Dan felt, but he also hasn't met his cousins.

 “I don't wanna go.” He said, almost pleadingly, as if he could just teleport home if he begged hard enough.

 “Me neither.” Phil returned.

 “what are you wearing to Zoe’s party?” Dan asked, trying to find a way to keep the conversation going so he doesn't have to hang up.

 “I dunno yet, maybe just a nice shirt and jeans.”

 “You should wear the bird shirt.”

 “The bird shirt?”

 “Yeah the shirt with birds on it.”

 “Ohhh,  _ that  _ bird shirt.”

 The both burst into laughter.

 “We’re so immature.” Dan mumbled, after his giggles died down.

 “i was wondering why we were so attracted to each other.” Phil hummed. Dan gave an incredulous look to the wall.

 “What, immaturity?” 

 Phil laughed, the kind of laugh that Dan knew if he could see him, he'd be sticking his tongue between his teeth, his eyes crinkling. While the thought of Phil’s laugh made him smile, he would rather see it in front of his very eyes.

 A distant yell from beyond the door and Dan knew his time was running out.

 “Skype me later?” Dan asked, even though he knew the answer. If anything, he just wanted confirmation.

 “I dunno, maybe.” Phil said, a totally fake yawn sounding through the receiver. “Unless I find someone else to spend my time with.” Dan rolled his eyes.

 “No one can name Fall Out Boy songs as quickly as I do.”

 “Damn, you’re right. That’s definitely a deal breaker.”

 “Well it’s not like you date me for my good looks and charming personality.”

 “No no, I date you for your acquired music taste and your satirical wit.”

 “And I date you for your endless animal facts and puns.”

 “I love you.”

 “I love you more.” Dan sighed into the phone. “Goodbye.”

 “Bye.” Phil said, and he hung up. Phil’s contact photo still appeared on the screen, and Dan sighed. After a moment, he regained himself and stood up, flushing the toilet he never actually used, and washing his hands to make it more believable.

 Walking out of the bathroom, he made his way over to the couch and snatched the controller from his cousin’s hands.

 “Alright nerds, I’ll show you how it’s really done.”

 

\---

 

   “You got me something?” Dan had asked incredulously. Phil furrowed his brows.

 “Obviously. Why would I  _ not _ get you a holiday gift?” He paused for a moment, “are you telling me you were expecting me to not get you anything?”

 “No! No, I just- I don't know, I'm not used to this whole dating thing I guess.” He rambled on, laughing a bit to cover that he was tearing up. He's gotten so emotional ever since him and Phil started dating. It's all so overwhelming.

 Phil placed a hand on his, sending him a gentle smile, and Dan has only just now realized that he had actually said that last part aloud. “It's okay if it's too much. We can take things slower.”

 “ _ God _ no.” Dan blurted, shutting down that theory fairly quickly. “I love diving head first into this thing between us,” he interlocked their hands, “seriously.”

 Phil smiled. “Good. Now open your gift. I'm starting to get antsy.” Dan laughed and dropped his hand to properly rip the wrapping off of the gift, revealing a relatively small black velvet box. It alarmed him at first, but it seemed too large to bear a ring. It's too small to be anything other than jewelry. Unless there's a keychain in it and Phil just wanted to mess with him. Would he do that? It wouldn't surprise him if he did.

 “Well don't deduce it. Open it.” Phil nudged, and Dan snorted.

 “Fuck, you're pushy.”

 “I know, i’m like this on Christmas day as well. Martyn insists on trying to guess the gift before opening it and it makes me want to actually scream.”

 “Hmmm, maybe I should just date your brother instead.”

 Phil scoffed. “N-No. He’s like, 30.”

 “He's only three years older than you.” Dan pointed out.

 “Then I'm 27. Nothing wrong with that.”

 “Except that you're dating a minor and could probably go to jail for the ways we’ve groped each other.”

 He rolled his eyes and opened the box. The interior was a blood red silk, and right in the middle of the box laid a necklace with a pendant of the moon on it. He let out a noise of confusion. As a pair of arms snaked comfortably around his waist, he read the card on top and the realization dawned on him.

 

**June 11th,**

**New moon**

 

 This was his moon. The moon of his birthday. He couldn't comprehend a single word as he let out a gasp, grazing his thumb over the pendant. The pendant showing his moon. The new moon.

 “There's more on the back of the card.” Phil whispered against his neck, purposely to send shivers down his spine. He wanted to reply with something snarky as a bite back, but instead picked up the card and turned it over to read the other side.

 

**1 half of a matching pair**

**January and July**

**Winter and summer**

**New Moon and New Moon**

 

 “What?” He muttered under his breath. January?

 Phil moved away from him, and out of habit he looked up. Phil pulled something out from underneath his shirt collar to reveal a matching necklace and pendant.

 “I was hoping they would be different phases but-”

 “No no oh my god!” Dan exclaimed, running his finger over the pendant to Phil’s necklace. “That is so...That's so romantic.” Trailing off, his eyes landed focus up to Phil, who was smiling differently than Dan has ever seen him. It wasn't his usual dorky smile, or one of kindness. This smile was full of, love, perhaps? His stare was soft but his eyes bright. His mouth was formed in a small and easygoing turn upwards, and his cheeks were definitely flushed.

 Instinctively, Dan leaned in and kissed him. His feelings, usually so easy to express through words and speech delivery, couldn't be described. He had no idea how to express his feelings right now other than kissing Phil. His chest felt warm and fluttering, his stomach was doing kickflips and quadruple backflips. His limbs felt like play dough and his head was spacey. He didn't care that they were in a school hallway right now. He was on cloud nine and that's without the drugs.

 When Dan finally let the kiss and the moment of bliss end, he was sure that this is where both parties exclaim their love for each other.

 “It's also glow in the dark.”

 “Now you're just pandering.”

 But this would suffice.

 Upon putting it on, Dan realized there was no way to physically give Phil his gift right now. After stressing for over a week about it, he had finally found an unforgettable gift idea. And that was the thing about Dan. He would stress about something until it was perfect.

 “I uh, can't give you your gift right now.” He said, and Phil raised a curious eyebrow.

 “Is this your way of saying you haven't gotten me anything?” He asked as they walked hand in hand to the cafeteria.

 “No, I did definitely get you something, but I can't exactly give you it right this very moment.”

 Phil was quiet for a moment, and his grip on Dan’s hand suddenly felt sweatier than usual. “Is it like,” he said quietly, “personal favors?”

 Dan rolled his eyes, letting out a snort. “No, I'm not giving you a blowjob for Christmas.”

 “Dan!”

 “Well that's what you were hinting at!”

 Now it was Phil's turn to roll his eyes. “I wasn't thinking about that.”

 “ _ Sure _ , you weren't.”

 “I wasn't!”

 “Trouble in paradise?” A voice said from in front of them and they both realized they were stood in the middle of the hallway, bickering with each other. They both turned their heads to Bryony, the lovely girl who sat behind Phil in English class.

 “No” they said in unison, glancing at each other and then back to her. She laughed.

 “Alright, well you two are very cute but I'm gonna be late for Spanish if you keep standing in the middle of the hallway.”

 They both apologized profusely and continued their way to the cafeteria.

 “If it's not personal favors, then what is it?”

 Dan sighed.

 “I guess I could tell you…”

 “Really?”

 “No. Now shut it.”

 

 “Hey Phil, why the long face?” Louise asked as they both sat down at the table a few moments later.

 “My boyfriend is the actual Grinch.”

 “Oi, I could pull off a green beard so well and you know it.”

 

\--

 

 Sitting at the Howell family dinner table was always a formal occurrence. It was practically a Black Tie event. His mother wore her slim-fitting plum colored dress, and had her hair pulled back into a more sophisticated bun than her usual. Dan himself was wearing a suit designated as his “family meals” suit.

 Generally, all of the men wore the same type of suit, but Dan’s younger cousin Kyle got to wear his converse with it. Dan tried not to glower at him. His efforts were proven useless when his mother shot him an objective glance.

 The meals are always amazing. His grandparents had their own chefs (they thought they were too old to cook), and so every course was cooked to excellence. First there were simple Caesar salads, and then the main course of whatever was special for the occasion. In this case, it was roast turkey with sides of cranberry sauce, brussel sprouts, and others. Then there was a cup of fruit for dessert, topped with whipped cream. It wasn't the most favorable to the younger children, but Dan liked it.

 But with the fowl mood he was in, Dan ended up just poking the fruit with his fork. Was it odd to say he still missed Phil? When had he become so attached to someone that he can't even indulge in strawberries anymore without wishing Phil was here to share them with him? He would state some random fact about strawberries that he found on the back of a cereal box, and then snatch the one out of Dan’s hands when he mocked him.

 He almost smiled to himself when a loud and incessant buzzing went off in his pocket. He hoped no one could hear it, but everyone's eyes seemed to be on him. His aunt Tracy opened her mouth.

 “Daniel, isn't it a bit rude to have your phone on at the table?”

 “Apologies, auntie.” Dan returned meekly and pulled his phone out to silence it. Whoever had called, he missed it anyways. Maybe it was PJ. He promised to call Dan and let him know what happened in the new episode of American Horror story. Or maybe it was Jack, who said he'd let him know if anyone ended up beating their shared high score on the Pacman machine at the arcade in the movie theatre. Or possibly it was Louise or Cat, wishing him a happy Christmas. Those two seemed the only ones to call for that reason. If anything, it could've been Phil.

 They had gotten off the phone before Dan left for dinner with his mum, so it's not like Phil would've called him during dinner just to chat.

 Despite every fiber of his being itching to check it, Dan sighed and shoved the phone back into his pocket, but not before his cousin could make a comment.

 “It was probably his girlfriend.” Jaden said, smirking. Dan snorted.

 “As if.” He mumbled.

 “I heard him talking to her over the phone yesterday!” Julie agreed, smirking just as villainous as her brother. “He said 'i love you’ and that he missed her.”

 Dan blushed, biting his lip. Fuck, they heard that? What else did they hear? Obviously not much if they still thought it was a girl. What was he supposed to say? No, it was my boyfriend? Should he lie? 

 His mother sent him a worried expression. Maybe he should just lie.

 “Well, if Daniel has met a girl that he likes, then we should respect his privacy about it.” His grandmother pointed out. “There is no dignity in eavesdropping on others.” The twins shrunk down in their seats, while Kyle snickered.

  
  


 Later, when he was free from his family and able to check his phone without leering ears, Dan found a voicemail from Phil. His heart dropped to his stomach and he frantically clicked it before he could even think of a reason Phil might've left one.

“DAN!!” Phil's voice said. He sounded out of breath and far away.

 “ITS SNOWING DAN!” Phil said, and somehow, Dan knew he was outside spinning in a circle.

 “ITS SNOWING FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS YEAR! WE’RE GONNA HAVE A WHITE CHRISTMAS!” There were giggles in the background and Phil added- in a more neutral tone- “also Chris and Pj are here.”

 “What's up ya blooday wankah.” Chris said into the phone, trying to pull off another terrible British accent.

 “Oh my god, shut up! His family could've heard!”

 “Yeah and they'll be shocked that he met another British guy while here.”

 “You're kidding, right? You probably just offended the entire room.”

 “That's generally what happens when he speaks.” PJ’s voice came lightly in the background, and Dan laughed.

 “Besides turning you on.” Chris fired back, and they bickered some more while Phil spoke into the phone.

 “Anyways it's snowing and I'm outside and it looks so pretty but obviously not as pretty as you and I wish you were here to see it! I'm gonna send you a bunch of pictures but they'll probably look like shit because I'm taking them on my phone, also I-”

 “Wanna suck your dick!” Chris shouted in the background. Dan heard Phil huff out a sigh as the message ended.

 Smiling to himself, Dan hurriedly opened the few texts from Phil, looking over the grainy quality photos. There was one of just the snow, blanketing the entire ground and the tree in Phil’s front yard. Then another of Phil smiling softly at the camera, bundled up in his space coat. The last one was of Pj and Chris, lying in the snow and caught mid-laughter. One thing Dan noticed was their hands interlocked, and Chris’ glance towards PJ.

 Phil, the sneaky fucker, added a comment with that one consisting of a few suggestive emojis.

 He missed them. Not just Phil, he missed them all. He felt so out of place here. He wasn't the boy he was 6 months ago. He doesn't want to sit with his snobby relatives and eat a five star meal. He wanted to be with his friends. He would rather eat Phil’s mother’s homemade cooking, and then go slurp slushies with Pj, whining about a brain freeze. He wanted to paint nails with Louise, and play video games with Felix and Chris. He wanted to make jokes with Jack and Dean, and talk with Marzia about fashion. He wanted to watch horror movies with Cat and talk to Phil about the moon. He wanted to be home. When had that place not been here, in London? When did these things start to matter to him? Thinking of who he was 6 months ago was like looking through a cracked mirror. It was like he was seeing himself for the first time.

 Feeling tears begin to well up, Dan clicked on Phil’s contact, pressing the call button. It only took three rings before he picked up.

 “Hey, bear.” Phil said calmly. His voice was low and warm, and Dan missed him so so much.

 “Hey.” Dan said, trying to keep his voice steady, but it wavered slightly on the end.

 “Are you alright?” Phil asked, concerned. Of course Phil knew instantly that Dan was upset about something. How was he so accustomed to knowing that?

 “I miss you.”

 “I miss you too, bear.” his voice was soft and warm and Dan wanted to fall into it like a chocolate bath.

 “My relatives think I have a girlfriend.”

 Phil laughed.

 “I mean, I guess in a way I am your girlfriend.”

 “Does that make you the girl in the relationship?” Dan asked, grinning.

 “I don't think that's how this works.” Phil laughed. When the upcoming silence followed, Dan swallowed his pride.

 “Phil, can i- can I ask you something?”

 “Of course, you know you can tell me anything. What is it?”

 “Why me?” He choked out, not even bothering to wipe his tears this time. He was almost surprised he even had any tears left. How many times has he cried in the last handful of months?

 “What do you mean?” Phil asked, “what does that- what do you mean? 'why me’ what?”

 “Why do you like me?” He sniffled, and leant over to grab a tissue from the decorated tissue box his grandparents kept. Suddenly he was glad that the butler wasn't around to hear him sniffling and hand him a tissue. That would only make him feel worse right about now.

 “I was literally the worst when I first came to school. I was a dick to you all morning until lunch, and I was a dick to your friends, then pulling it off like it was some joke- but in reality I just wanted you all to be on my side so I could sit at your table and not end up like Lindsay Lohan from Mean girls. Not to mention how much of a twat I was to you and everyone else around Thanksgiving and i'm only just now realizing how much of a brat I am. 17 years into life! And I'm still a rich arsehole! Honestly, how could you ever like me, we’re like total opposites and-”

 “Dan.”

 “I'm literally good at nothing but Mario kart and-”

 “Dan.”

 “And I have ugly floppy hair and-”

 “Daaaaaan."

 “not to mention how much of a fucking cry baby I am-”

 “Dan!”

 “What?”

 Phil sighed. “I love you, Dan. I knew I'd like you the moment you made that stupid joke on your first day. I fell in love with you over the next few weeks, because you're witty and charming, you have great taste and you’re logical. When we were assigned that project in English class, you worked so hard on it, even though you hate the teacher and you think the class itself is boring. You care  _ so much _ and it's so damn admirable, Dan. You don't see it but you care so much about everyone- all of our friends and everyone around us, including me. I didn't even have to be told that your mom finally got to spend time with you, because I could see it on your cute face when I saw you the next day. You're warm and you smell like almonds and vanilla and everything soft, and your hair is fluffy and adorable when it's curly and even when you straighten it. Your eyes sparkle like flickers of gold are kept away in your irises, and every time I see you I strive to make you laugh so I can see your dazzling smile and your cute dimples once again.”

 “Phi-”

 “You make my heart ache and my stomach clench. I couldn't tell you how I felt for the longest time because every time I tried, I thought I might throw up on you. You stare and smile at me, you took my hand in the dark and I thought I might pass out, I couldn't sleep for hours when you did that.”

 “Phil”

 “You make me feel something I've never felt before. All I ever want to do is be around you, and talk with you about the moon, or dragons, or conspiracy theories about the founding fathers.”

 “The dollar bill literally has a pyramid and an Illuminati eye on it.”

 “I love you so much, I've loved you ever since those first few days and nothing you could ever say or do would change my mind about it because you are amazing and I am so in love with you, it actually hurts me that you feel like this about yourself.”

 “Phil..”

 “No, you’re probably the best person I've ever met and I want to spend the rest of forever with you.”

 Dan smiled crookedly, his lower lip wobbling. He sniffled. “I want to spend the rest of forever with you, too.”

 

And  _ fuck _ , did he mean it.

 

\---

 

 “So, here's my room.” Dan announced as he opened the door. Phil followed in behind him, and Dan subconsciously closed the door behind them. There was probably a rule against closing the door with his boyfriend in the room , but whatever. His mother wouldn't be home for a few more hours anyways.

 “Well, now I feel inferior.” Phil said, glancing around, his eyes gazing from one thing to another. Dan furrowed his brows, trying to find what exactly in his room was better than Phil’s things. Yeah, he had a fancy desk and other fancy furniture, but he didn't have many things in his room. He didn't even have a television in here. He could, but he didn't think it was necessary.

 “Why? My room is practically empty.” He said as he sat down on his bed. He patted the space next to him for Phil to come sit down as well.

 “I just mean, it's completely spotless.” Phil walked over and sat down. “it's so clean, and your walls are practically empty.”

 Dan rolled his eyes, “god, you're like Louise. I kind of just moved here. I had posters before, but we left them with my younger cousins, and I don't really feel the need to keep the anyways”

 “I can't believe Dan Howell isn't obsessed with band merch.” Phil shook his head.

 “I can't believe Phil Lester is room-shaming me.” but Dan smiled fondly as he said it, before receiving a light smack to the face with a pillow.

 “Really, Phil?”

 He shrugged, “I feel like we should be pillow-fighting,” he paused and smirked before adding “in our underwear.”

 Dan blushed, 

 “That would be hot.” Phil mumbled, leaning in.

 Dan hummed, closing his eyes habitually, “would it?”

 “Yeah.” Phil whispered against his ear, sending shivers down Dan’s neck. Instinctively, Dan felt himself lie back on the bed, Phil accompanying him and pressing a soft kiss behind his ear. He nibbled gently on his earlobe, and Dan hummed, albeit a bit confused.

 “Where's your earrings?” Phil asked quietly.

 “Lost 'em.” Dan mumbled back, moving his hands to Phil’s clothed chest. He moved his hands down, pulling at the end of the shirt, and giving Phil a questioning look.

 He nodded, sitting up to pull his shirt over his head and toss it on the floor. Dan let his hands travel Phil’s torso again, stopping at his jeans.

 “Your belly button is cute.”

 Phil laughed a bit, “That's a bit random but my belly button appreciates it.” Dan giggled, dropping his hands down to Phil’s thighs. Phil fumbled with Dan’s jumper, raising a questioning eyebrow to him.

 “Is it okay if I?”

 Dan nodded, gulping down his anxiety. He's never gone and shown his body to anybody before. Hell, the most he's done with anyone before Phil was hold hands. It was hard not to feel self-conscious of his body. He knew they both weren't the most fit, but he couldn't help that “exposed” feeling creeping up in his bones.

 He lifted his arms as Phil pulled the fabric off of him, tossing it somewhere neither of them bothered to see. Dan couldn't look anywhere but Phil’s eyes. He was afraid to look anywhere else. Phil’s eyes trailed down Dan’s chest, along with his cool, soft hands. Instinctively, Dan sucked his stomach in a little, a wave of self-body image flooding in. Why was he so self-conscious all of a sudden? This is  _ Phil.  _

 “Why are you so tense, bear?” Phil asked softly, and Dan looked away from him.

 “Nervous.” He whispered, blinking at the wall. Maybe he couldn't go through with this. Maybe he just couldn't do this at all. Oh god, was he going to be one of those people that wear a shirt during sex? He never thought he'd be one of those guys.

 “Why?” Phil asked, his soothing voice settling against Dan’s ear. “You're beautiful, and I'm in love with you.”

 “I-” Dan breathed, trying to let out all of the air pent up in his lungs. “I don't like my body.” he inwardly winced at how awkward his phrasing was.

 Phil ran a soothing hand down his arm, “Then can I like it for you?” Dan bit the inside of his cheek and nodded, trying to pull himself  together. Phil pressed a hand to his cheek, pulling their lips together in a kiss. Dan sighed into the kiss, letting his hands rest around Phil's neck.

 What were soft and gentle pecks, turned to hot and hard kisses, as Phil’s hands circled small patterns across Dan’s skin.

 Their mouths opened and their tongues intertwined languidly. Dan had heard of French kissing before, seeing it as gross. His one friend in primary school had told him that you had to stick your tongue down the girl’s throat, and that she liked it. After that, Dan was scared of relationships for a while, because how could anyone like that? But as Dan’s tongue explored Phil’s mouth, he felt his stomach stirring again. A great big bundle of nerves settled in his lower abdomen and oh god, did he have a boner?

 Phil let go of the kiss, his lips wet and puffy red. Afraid he was going to see, Dan panicked.

 “My turn.” He said, grabbing him by the shoulders and frantically rolling them over.

 Phil gave a confused look, but obliged once Dan pressed their lips back together. Phil’s tongue fought for dominance, but soon gave in, letting Dan take control. Dan intertwined their hands, pressing Phil down into the mattress, like he had done to him. It was weird, being the one in control. He didn't know what he was doing, really. But God, was it turning him on.

 Dan subconsciously rolled his hips down against Phil’s, deeply regretting it immediately, until Phil let out a low moan. That was only when Dan realized that Phil was in the same situation he was. Dan released from the kiss, pressing sloppy and wet kisses down Phil’s neck. Testing the waters, he rolled his hips down again, and Phil moaned again, his hands gripping Dan’s. He sucked on a low spot of Phil’s neck, bringing the skin between his teeth. He didn't exactly know how to give a hickey. Just bite it, right? He didn't exactly want to hurt him, though. How had Phil done this? He bit down on the skin, earning a gasp from Phil. Dan teasingly rolled his hips down against him again, and the gasp grew into a whine. Dan released his teeth from the spot, a bit proud to see a mark forming. He pressed a sloppy kiss to it, earning another whine.

 Dan smirked against his skin and rolled his hips down again, this time receiving silence, as Phil pushed back up against him. Dan gasped, pausing to comprehend the sudden high feeling that the friction gave him.

 “Don't be a tease.” Phil mumbled, giggling. “I know what you’re doing.” Rolling his eyes, Dan got an idea.

 “Do you, though?” He continued, pressing kisses against Phil’s skin, moving down his chest.

 “Well I-”

 Pressing lingering kisses down his stomach.

 “Oh, are you-”

 Pressing kisses to his v line and moving his hands to unbutton his jeans.

 “Dan-”

 He fumbled with the button.

 “Dan.” Phil's hands stopped him, and Dan looked up at him. “I wasn't being serious the other day, don't feel like you have to do this.”

 “I want to.” Dan mumbled. Phil gazed at him curiously, and Dan kissed his hand. “Is it okay?”

 Phil bit his lip and nodded, pulling his hands back to let Dan continue what he was doing.

 Dan fumbled with the button again, finally getting it undone and unzipping his jeans. Phil helpfully lifted his hips up, as Dan pulled his jeans down, and eventually off entirely, dropping them to the floor.

 Phil blushed, embarrassed. “Oh, I uh…”

 “Sonic?” Dan asked, amused.

 “Shut up, Calvin Klein.”

 “Oi.”

 “Then pull up your pants more often.”

 Dan rolled his eyes, “you like looking at my non-existent ass, don't joke.”

 “I wouldn't say non-existent.” Phil said, wiggling his eyebrows. Dan flicked his leg. “Ow!”

 “Don't be cheeky.”

 Dan pulled his boxers down.

 “Cheeky? What, cheeky like your- ahh” Phil gasped mid sentence as Dan put his mouth on him. He tried to get over how weird it felt in his mouth, and instead slowly took him in, swirling his tongue around the tip.

 “Oh god-” Phil moaned, and took one of Dan’s pillows to cover his mouth.  _ No, no, no. _

 Dan pulled off with a pop, and moved the pillow away from Phil. “No. ‘wanna hear you..” 

 “Isn't your butler here?” Phil asked, incredulous.

 Dan shook his head. “Day off.”

 “Butlers get days off?”

 “Mmhmm.”

 “I'd have thought it'd be a full-time jo- oh god”

 Dan had no idea what he was doing, but as Phil moaned and groaned under him, he decided he was doing something right. He ran his hands over Phil’s thighs, bringing his legs up to rest on his shoulders.

 “Oh-  _ fuck _ \- Dan I-” Phil whined, running his fingers through Dan's hair. Dan moaned around him and Phil gasped. “Da-Dan i'm gonna-”

 Dan ran his tongue along the tip, and was almost surprised when Phil released in spurts in his mouth. Why didn't he realize that is the outcome when you give your boyfriend a blowjob? Not knowing what else to do, he swallowed, the salty taste catching his tongue. He pulled off when it was over, wiping his mouth with his hand.

 Phil pulled him back up to him. “Oh god, I'm so sorry. I couldn't hold it back any longer but you probably didn't want to-” but Dan shushed him, chuckling.

 “It's fine. A bit weird, but I've never really done this before to begin with.”

 Phil laid his head back down against the pillow. “Me neither.”

 Dan leaned against him, running his thumb gently over Phil's lips. “Can I?”

 “Of course. Why couldn't you?”

 “Well I thought because... I just, like, had stuff in my mouth.”

 Phil laughed and pulled Dan to him, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss. “Don't be an idiot.”

 Dan smiled, laying close next to him. He ran the pads of his forefingers over the splotch of dark on Phil’s neck.

 “By the way, that wasn't your Christmas gift.”

 

\--

 

Dan had always liked Buttercup flowers. He didn't know why. He would bring them home to his mum from the floral sale held outside his school. He also didn't know why she cried when she saw them, until he turned the age of eight and she finally told him about his father.

 They were what Americans called “High school sweethearts”. They met in year 10 when his father moved from Brighton to London, and they were inseparable since. They were best friends in the beginning, until year 12 when their friends had finally convinced them to date. His father asked her out with a bouquet of buttercups he swiped from his mother’s garden. From then on out, he would bring her home a bouquet of buttercups every week. When she found out she was pregnant, they made a special nursery room, the walls a pastel yellow, and buttercups filling in the gaps where toys and other things would have gone. 

 Around this time, his father had grown ill. When visiting the doctor, he was diagnosed with a disease called Becker muscular dystrophy, a disease that affects the muscles. Soon, he wasn't able to even walk, and he had to move around in a chair.

 Dan's mum didn't get far more into detail after this point when she was telling him the story. She had simply just told him that he eventually passed, just a few weeks before Dan was born. She ended up throwing away every single buttercup in the house, then painting the walls of the nursery a dark Auburn, so she wouldn't be so easily reminded of him. Yet when Dan brought home those buttercups every so often, she finally gave in and told Dan about him.

 The buttercups in his hand now were wrapped together with a white ribbon, enclosed in plastic. He walked behind his mother on the thin pavement, staring down at the flowers and his shoes. His shoes reminded him of home. Of America and Phil and slushies that taste like high fructose corn syrup. He frowned at how dirty and old they looked. He hadn't had them too long, yet it looked like they were years old. Maybe he shouldn't walk so hard.

 Now that he thought about it, his outfit wasn't the least bit put together for meeting his dad for the first time. Not that it mattered far too much, but he didn't think meeting his dad in all black, including ripped jeans and dirty shoes, would be appropriate.

 “Come,” his mum spoke, motioning him to follow her as she turned into the cemetery. “He’s by the tree over there.” Dan gazed to where she was pointing, at the large oak tree off a curve in the road. It hung over some of the graves yet with it being winter, the leaves were gone so the branches gave it an eerie feeling.

 Walking along, Dan eyed some of the gravestones, curious as some were regular looking gravestones with the names on them, and some were just plaques in the ground.

 “Oh, here he is.” His mother's soft voice came, and he scurried along beside her, stopped in front of a gravestone with “Howell” across the front in large, thick lettering. Besides that and the years of his birth and death, there was nothing else on the stone.

 “I thought you'd personalize it.” Dan mumbled. He watched as she shook her head.

 “No, he would have wanted it to be plain. Aesthetically pleasing or something like that.” Dan almost snorted at how relevant the saying was.

 Without a second thought, Dan got down on his knees and placed the bouquet in the small bouquet holder stabbed into the ground.

 “Hi, dad.” He whispered, as if it was a conversation he didn't want anyone else to hear. “I'm Dan.”

 He almost didn't even know what to say. What do you say to a deceased parent you've never known?

 “I got a 100 on my English essay last week.”

 He heard his mum laugh behind him, as she came to kneel down next to him.

 “Sorry, I didn't know what to say.” He looked to her, only to see tears welling up in her eyes. “Mum?”

 She wiped her eyes. “It's alright, just seeing you here, and with the flowers and everything.” She pressed a palm to the ground, “made me emotional.”

 “It's okay.” He answered quietly. “I've been quite emotional too, as of late.”

 “I know. I heard you on the phone with Phil last night.”

 “Mum!” Dan buried his burning face in his hands. “That was supposed to be a private conversation.” He mumbled.

 “Then don't have that kind of conversation in your grandparent’s kitchen. You're just lucky they were already asleep.”

 “Am I though? Everyone thinks I have a girlfriend.”

 She frowned, and pulled him to her in a hug. “I know, I'm sorry dear.”

 Dan stared at the gravestone, wondering what all it took to make that. Carving the stone, engraving the lettering. How much did it cost? Are those things paid for? Or are they just given out for free? Like a public service?

 “You miss him.” His mum said, releasing from the hug. Dan kept his eyes in the ground, tapping a rhythm with his fingers. “Kind of.” Of course he does.

 “Your father used to go on trips all the time. Mostly for his job. He would go and I could never stop thinking about him, but early on during these travels, I thought I'd be too clingy if I wanted to call him every five minutes to know what he was doing. I just wanted him home. Or I wanted to be there with him, wherever he was. And then I found out that he felt the same way. He missed me just as greatly. He'd call me and bombard me with questions like ‘are you warm enough? Do you need more kisses? I think I should be there to give you more kisses-”

 “Ew.”

 “And you need someone to keep you warm. You know what? Maybe I'll just cancel the trip. We can use the landline for our meetings. I'm coming home right now.’

 He was so persistent, and it made my heart melt at how strongly he felt for me as well.” she stared at the gravestone as she spoke, smiling fondly.

 Dan smiled lightly, his thoughts traveling back to Phil. He wondered what Phil was doing now. Probably spending time with his family, having fun. Dan wondered what the rest of Phil’s family was like. He wondered if he’ll ever get to meet Phil's family. One thing’s for sure, he never wants Phil to meet his.

 “Anyways,” his mother spoke again, pulling Dan out of his thoughts. “I wanted to give you your Christmas present without the rest of the family’s leering eyes.” She pulled out a package wrapped in shiny red paper, and tied with gold ribbon.

 Dan gave her a confused look. Without the rest of the family? Why? He usually just got checks from everyone for Christmas or birthdays. He was too old to be bought toys as gifts, so they just gave him money to do whatever he wanted with. Most of them he put into savings, but he used to spend some of the money with his old friends from prep school. He wondered what he'd do with it now. Take Louise shopping for makeup at Sephora, buy the new Nintendo game system and just so happen to let PJ “borrow” it, finally give Phil gas money. He keeps forgetting, and Phil doesn't even remind him because he's Phil.

 Dan warily took the small box into his hands, pulling off the ribbon. Opening the box, he found nothing but what looked like a plane ticket inside. Inspecting it, the date was today’s, and the time of departure was about 2 hours from now.

 “Uh, mum? What-”

 “Go see him.” She said, and it all hit him at once. He looked up at her, and she was smiling.

 “But, what about the family, and-and Christmas, and-”

 “I'll tell them, but they'll say the same thing they said to me when I left Christmas Eve to see your dad in Brighton. Dan, you love him, and it's painful to see you so miserable without him.”

 Dan smiled widely, leaping over to embrace her in a hug. “I love you, mum.” Pulling away from the hug, Dan stood up.

 “I guess I have a bag to pack.”

 

\---

 

 The plane ride was long and exhausting. Dan hadn't realized how much he hated plane rides until now. Now, when he desperately just wanted to be on the ground, in Phil’s house. He almost wondered if he should call him to make sure it's okay, but decided against it. He knew Phil’s relatives depart early Christmas Eve morning, and a surprise would be much more fun anyways. Nervous, he texted Louise.

 

_ Dan _

 

_ Question. Would it be romantic and totally justified if a person showed up to their significant other's house on the eve of a holiday, because they missed them so much? _

  
  


_ Dan _

 

_ This is obviously just hypothetical. _

  
  


**Louise**

 

**Key word: romantic**

  
  


_ Dan _

 

_ You think so? _

  
  


**Louise**

**(;**

 

 Dan smiled to himself, putting his headphones on. He glanced out the window at the clouds they were passing over. Thinking of being home, he dozed off.

 

 Upon finally landing, Dan was absolutely exhausted. The flight was eight hours, yet when landing in America, it was just after dinner time. His family would be asleep in London by now, with the five hour time difference.

 Groggily, he grabbed his suitcase and called a taxi. The taxi ride was about 20 minutes, which seemed to be all he needed to wake himself up. By the time the driver pulled into the neighborhood, Dan was giddy with excitement. He pulled up to Phil’s house, and Dan handed the guy a twenty as well as a “Happy Christmas" before grabbing his suitcase and sliding out of the car.

 Standing on the sidewalk, he faced Phil’s house, icicles hanging up top, ones visibly cut off from where anyone could presumably reach with a shovel. Snow was everywhere. It almost made Dan regret his shoes as they soaked from the snow melting against this warm feet. There was also a snowman built in the front yard, with variously shaped rocks forming a face, as well as a carrot for a nose with a bite taken out of it.

 Not many lights in the house were on, as the twinkling lights from the tree in Phil’s living room were bright and colorful enough as it is.

 Dan pulled out his phone, his freezing fingers dialing Phil’s number.

 “Hey, you.” Phil's soft tone came through the receiver after a few rings.

 “Hey.”

 “Why do you sound out of a breath? Are you outside? Isn't it like midnight?” Phils worried voice made Dan’s heart explode, mind the metaphor.

 “I just got off a real long ride, that's all.” He said. Smiling, he kicked a bit of snow with his foot.

 “Ah, well. I still miss you.” Phil said. Dan's stomach did backflips.

 “I miss you, too.” He paused. “I guess I should've believed you when you said it was a lot of snow.”

 “Yeah, it snowed a lo- wait, what?”

 “Hey, Phil?”

 “Yeah?”

 “Why doesn't this snowman have arms?”

 Phil said nothing, but Dan still heard him running through the phone receiver. Glancing up, he watched as the front door opened, and a shocked Phil stood in the doorway.

 “DAN!” 

 Phil ran towards him, and Dan barely had any time to hang up the phone before he was engulfed in a hug. He laughed into Phil’s shoulder. “Happy Christmas.” Phil pulled away from the hug just enough to connect their lips in a chaste kiss.

 “Wha- how did you? How are you here?” Phil stumbled over his words, and Dan laughed again, shushing him. He couldn’t help his smiles. All he wanted to do was smile. All he  _ could _ do was smile.

 “Mum gave me an early Christmas present.” He shrugged, trying to hide the smile growing and growing on his face.

 “Oh my god, really? Now I  _ definitely _ have to come over for dinner or something.” Phil ran his hands down Dan’s arms, eventually down to his hands, curling his fingers around the other’s.

 “Absolutely not. She’ll embarrass me.”

 “Dan, I embarrass you.”

 “She can’t even cook.”

 “Your butler doesn’t cook everything.”

 “Well we pay Jeffrey for a reason.”

 Phil rolled his eyes.

 “Give up?” Dan smirked at him.

 “Nope.” Phil said, returning the smirk, “You haven’t seen the last of me yet, Howell.”

 A loud, and obviously fake cough sounding from the front doorway brought them out of their casual banter. There in the doorway stood both of Phil’s parents, and Martyn standing behind them with knowing eyes and wiggling eyebrows.

 “Dan,” Phil’s mum announced, “How lovely to see you, again. Dan nodded respectfully, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

 “To you the same, Mrs. Lester.”

 “Oh please,” she laughed, “Call me Catherine.” She paused, and Dan noticed her glance at his suitcase. “Did you just get back in town?”

 “Just off the plane, yeah.”

 “And your mother is still in London?”

 “Until tomorrow, yes. I was given an early ticket back home.”

 She smiled lightly. “Would you like to stay here for the night, Dan?”

 “If you will have me.”

 Her smile grew. “Well, come on then! Phil, take Dan’s suitcase in for him, will you?” she turned to go back inside,almost jumping at the leering eyes of Mr. Lester and Martyn. “Oh you two, quit your spying. Back to the movie, now.”

 She ushered them inside, leaving the door open a smidge.

 “I’ve never been so on edge in my entire life.” Dan mumbled, earning a loud laugh from the boy beside him.

 “Shut up, you’re fine. You do know she’s gonna make us sleep in the living room now, right?” He grabbed Dan’s suitcase, pulling the lever out to drag it along.

 “I can’t do the whole ‘not allowed in the same bed’ thing.” Dan whined, taking Phil’s outstretched hand.

 “Oh, I don’t think she’ll go that far. It's not exactly like she knows what we do behind closed doors.”

 “Eat crisps?” Dan supplied. “Play video games? Talk about the moon?”

 “Oh, shut up.” Phil rolled his eyes. He started his way up the driveway, but Dan grabbed his arm.

 “Wait, Phil.” He unzipped the small pocket on the side of his suitcase, pulling out a small rectangular golden box, adorned with shimmery ribbon.

 “For you.” He announced, handing it to him.

 Phil, excited and curious, carefully peeled off the ribbon, ignoring Dan’s scoffs and eye rolls. He gasped when he saw what was inside.

 “Tickets? For Muse?” He gaped up at Dan, who giggled.

 “Yep. Drones World Tour.” He smiled brightly as Phil revealed the two tickets from the box, still gaping at them.

 “I can't believe- oh my god. Dan!” Phil engulfed him in a hug, leaving Dan resolving to giggles.

 “I love you.”

 “Damn, should've bought those earlier.”

 “Shut up.”

 “I'm kidding, I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I have no words. This fic has been my life for over six months, and it's finally completed! This is the first long fic I've ever written, and I can't help but to say I'm proud of myself for finishing it! I'd like to give a personal thanks to my friend Grace as my beta and being super supportive of me through my writing process. I'd also like tot hank each and every person who has ever read this, left a kudos, or even commented. Reaching over 1,000 hits is absolutely amazing, and I'm so surprised and shocked that this fic ever got so far. Leave a kudos and a comment if you like, and let me know if anyone would like an epilogue! Otherwise, I'll leave the rest to your imaginations. ;)


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